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    Old 02-26-2005, 05:14 PM   #46
    littletiger
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    Re: my husband wants a divorce...how do I begin to cope?

    sugar I am here. Sorry for your hurt. What have you done for yourself today? Nice soothing bath? Ice cream? Listened to music good for your soul?

     
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    Old 02-26-2005, 05:23 PM   #47
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    Re: my husband wants a divorce...how do I begin to cope?

    Dee....just remember that if you were to take your life it would be permanent when what you are feeling is only temporary. May not feel like it now but think about your daughter and get your strength from that. I will share a story with you that happened many years ago. I had a friend who's mother one day while she was in school locked herself in her car in the garage and with the door shut started the engine. My friend came home to find her mother dead.....her life was never the same. As we grew up she went through life motherless. Kids in school treated her differently and when she was in college she tried to take her own life as well. Taking a life doesn't only take your life but the lives of the innocent as well. And it doesn't solve your problems. I know you are feeling pain in order to feel the way you do now....but it is only temporary. Tomorrow what seems so awful today will be not as bad. Please post here and tell us that you promise not to do anything to harm yourself. By posting the words you will be making a promise to yourself and others. Please Dee, do this for yourself and also promise to call the hotline and get yourself to a doctor/hospital if such thoughts occur again. Stay with someone or call a friend/family member in to stay with you.
    I will be here off & on throughout the evening if you need. They also have a self injury board and depression board here with many people available if you should need. Nobody here is medically certified to see you through but if you need to talk please know that you are not alone. Many people divorce and it is as if you are going through a loss of a loved one. You are losing something very precious to you but you will be okay, please believe that.

    I am going out snowmobiling with my husband in a few minutes and need you to respond to my post with the promise i asked of you. Please do it so i don't have to worry....Goody

    Last edited by goody2shuz; 02-26-2005 at 05:25 PM.

     
    Old 02-26-2005, 05:44 PM   #48
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    Re: my husband wants a divorce...how do I begin to cope?

    Any other posters out there who can keep an eye out for Dee???? I don't like the idea of leaving under the circumstances in case she comes back. Please post if you can keep an eye out....should be back within 45 minutes....Goody

     
    Old 02-26-2005, 06:02 PM   #49
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    Re: my husband wants a divorce...how do I begin to cope?

    Goody, LittleTiger and everyone here helping me...thank you. I promise not to hurt myself....the woman on the phone at the crisis center explained my feelings to me this way. I have an utter feeling of hopelessness, like I don't want to be here because of the crisis I'm going through and because I feel as if it wouldn't matter if I were here or not. It's not that I actually have a plan to hurt or kill myself, because I don't...I just feel utter despair and loss and feeling like it's not worth it for me to live. Does this make sense? I keep trying to tell myself that I will be fine, and I swing from that to all this tension and stress in my head from this situation...and it's making me feel completely overwhelmed. Talking and posting is helping...so please....keep posting with me. I check here all the time. I am reaching out and I know I have support....but I'm so overwhelmed right now that I feel I need a lot of it. Please feel free to write...thank you for all your support and prayers. Someday I will help you too, if I can. Dee

    Last edited by Sugar64; 02-26-2005 at 06:52 PM.

     
    Old 02-26-2005, 06:16 PM   #50
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    Re: my husband wants a divorce...how do I begin to cope?

    I understand how you feel. I have been there. Thankfully I liver very close to my parents. I am so sorry you are going through this.

     
    Old 02-26-2005, 06:25 PM   #51
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    Re: my husband wants a divorce...how do I begin to cope?

    I am so sorry too, Dee. I don't really have much to say, just that I will have you in my prayers Remeber, there are many women who went through the same thing and survived, and so will you. Mom mom went through this twice.

     
    Old 02-26-2005, 06:31 PM   #52
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    Re: my husband wants a divorce...how do I begin to cope?

    I have no family support other than my sister and my in-laws, but I can't get them involved to this capacity. I told my sister the hopelessness and feeling like I don't want to live, but she said it's the transition of what I'm dealing with right now and it's normal. If this is normal for my situation, and it's going to pass, that's fine. But it's still so hard to be feeling this way. I'll check back a little later...thanks. Every once in a while, I start crying and pacing the floors, then I calm down again. It's so hard to be this way with my husband and daughter around. All day today they were gone and I was like that, and now I'm trying to hide it. I think I need another nerve pill to help.

     
    Old 02-26-2005, 06:46 PM   #53
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    Re: my husband wants a divorce...how do I begin to cope?

    Sugar....what your sister says is true for the most part what you are experiencing is quite normal. If you continue to feel as if it is too much for you I would suggest you see your doctor first thing Monday or head for the ER if you need to before that. Not that I think you will but just in case.

    It sounds like the attorney you saw is good..and you seem to fell confident in taking her advice. She is right in advising you to not seek full time employment at this time.....but it may be wise to do some volunteer work so you will keep busy and not have to think of things too much. Get yourself out...even to see a movie, or to the mall or any place where there are people. Perhaps there is a community support group in yur area that you can join. Try not to put yourself into situations where you are alone....the quiet will haunt you and make it so much more difficult to go through.

    I will be here off & on as will others.....so post if you need to vent.....Goody

    Last edited by goody2shuz; 02-26-2005 at 07:04 PM.

     
    Old 02-26-2005, 07:44 PM   #54
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    Re: my husband wants a divorce...how do I begin to cope?

    {removed} I've also looked into divorce support groups in my area, and I'll be continuing counselling and the meds. I need all the help I can get.

    Last edited by moderator2; 02-27-2005 at 07:30 AM. Reason: please click "Report Bad Post" when members violate the posting rules

     
    Old 02-27-2005, 05:33 AM   #55
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    Re: my husband wants a divorce...how do I begin to cope?

    I thank you all for bearing with me. I really do believe at this point that I'm having a nervous breakdown. I managed to get to sleep last night, but woke up 3 hours later and tossed and turned the rest of the night. This is the worst I've ever felt. I feel like I'm not going to make it through this, that I'm going to die. I feel hopeless, but I'm trying to help myself by telling myself I'm going to be alright. My husband is aware of my current condition and I've even asked him to be sympathetic and help me, but his first comment was for me to get to a physchiatrist (I'm currently on Paxil and Xanax, lowest doses of each, but they were given to me by my family doctor...I know I have to be under a physchiatrist's care to be taking these meds and be regulated, so I planned on going to one anyway). I am seeing a counsellor, and she is helpful but unlike a physchiatrist, counsellors are unable to prescribe and control drugs for anxiety and depression. My husband told me I need to get a grip on myself because our house has to stay together for all our sakes to get through this. I reminded him that if I hadn't been placed in this tremendously stressful life changing situation, that I wouldn't be on the verge of a nervous breakdown right now. This is the kind of support I've gotten throughout my marriage. I also told him that I need to do things to distract myself, like get more involved in our daughter's school, etc. He said why do that when you need to be finding a job? (more pressure to do things his way and make sure I'm working so he has less support to pay, my first thought). But the first thing I need to do is get out of this....am I having a nervous breakdown? How will it look if I go to a hospital for help? I'll be thought of as incompetent to take care of myself AND my daughter. Dear God, I can't believe the situation this man has placed us all in.

     
    Old 02-27-2005, 06:59 AM   #56
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    Re: my husband wants a divorce...how do I begin to cope?

    Sugar be strong for your children. I know it's hard but you can do it.

     
    Old 02-27-2005, 07:29 AM   #57
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    Re: my husband wants a divorce...how do I begin to cope?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Sugar64
    My husband told me I need to get a grip on myself because our house has to stay together for all our sakes to get through this. I reminded him that if I hadn't been placed in this tremendously stressful life changing situation, that I wouldn't be on the verge of a nervous breakdown right now. This is the kind of support I've gotten throughout my marriage. I also told him that I need to do things to distract myself, like get more involved in our daughter's school, etc. He said why do that when you need to be finding a job? (more pressure to do things his way and make sure I'm working so he has less support to pay, my first thought).
    Exactly, Dee. You do need to get grip on things but not for ayone else but yourself nd your daughter. Do not place any more stress on yourself other than taking one day at a time and focusing on your needs right now. Forget about a job or how things are going to be payed for. That is going to be his responsibility. Let him worry about that and you worry about yourself and getting yourself back on your own two feet. Right now, Dee, you need to focus on your emotional well being. Go to a psychiatrist if need be...you need to get yourself in a stable condition so that the custody of your daughter is not effected. I don't know your history.....but if you have had no problems with your mental state and this is a reaction to the amount of stress you have been placed under it will not make a difference in terms of your overall custody. However, I am concerned that your husband may use this to his advantage and blow it all out of proportion...don't allow him to. Start by going out today and taking your daughter to the mall or movies...do not lie in bed and allow him to take away your strength. Get out and distract yourself and try your best to be in control of your life. If by tomorrow after you have gotten yourself out of the house you are still feeling the hopeless, nervous breakdown feeling then make the appointment with a psychiatrist....try not to give your husband too much info....say you are going to the doctor and do what you need to do in order to get yourself back onto your own two feet. You may need to be on meds temporarily but it will help you through this rough time.

    Post us and let us know how you're doing and your plans for today. Don't you go loking for any job to make it easier on him.....you go out and do what you need to do for YOU. Now go do that.......Goody

    Last edited by goody2shuz; 02-27-2005 at 07:32 AM.

     
    Old 02-27-2005, 09:25 AM   #58
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    Re: my husband wants a divorce...how do I begin to cope?

    Hi Goody...yes, I've really been trying today to feel better and not let this control me. The anxiety and depression I'm feeling IS a result of this situation. I was absolutely fine before this, and while I do have generalized anxiety, it never affected my ability to function normally. This entire situation has done this to me, and I know that and it's helping me cope by telling myself it will pass and I'll get better, and that I need to not worry and stress about the future...just take it step by step instead. I haven't been to the point where I'm lying in bed, I have been able to function a little bit, and do things around the house, or go out food shopping, which is my plan for today. I was planning on taking my daughter to her karate classes, but now she is going with my husband, who's going anyway. They have weekend classes, which she attends and I sometimes take her back and forth to. My husband and I have always shared those responsibilities, sometimes I take her, sometimes he does. He seems to be pushing me more the last two days to find a job, telling me it will make my anxiety and depression better. I know it would give me something else to focus on, but I told him not to push me, and I know I'll find a good job to make me happy eventually. But he seems to be pushing it and I told him to stop it. I also informed him that I want to make sure I stay involved with being available to our daughter, so I will be dropping her off at school and he will be picking her up. He insisted on that. I think he's also worried about showing that he can be involved. I just told him today that I don't want this to turn into a war of wills about who is more involved with our daughter. We both always shared the responsibilities, took on different but very important roles. He is aware of how I feel, and I think if he wants things to remain amicable, and do the right thing, he'll DO IT, and not cause any of us any grief.

     
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    Old 02-27-2005, 09:44 AM   #59
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    Re: my husband wants a divorce...how do I begin to cope?

    Dee........Hi, sweetie You already sound better and it is good that you identified for yourself that this is a situational thing that you are going through. And you already know that getting out and doing things is the key to not getting sucked up by all of the emotions and shock that he has hit you with. The more you are in control of things the better you will feel. And forget about getting a job You are right when you are leaving yourself more available for your daughter....getting involved with things that interest you and involve your daughter is the way to go. It'll keep you busy and keep you focused on what is most important.....you and your daughter. There will come a time you will need a job but let it be when you want it not when he does. You are strong Dee....and you are going to get through this just fine. Now what are you going to do???? How about going out to Borders and getting yourself a latte and a good book that will help build yourself up....or make you laugh. Do something special for yourself today even if it's going into a store and buying a bouquet of flowers. Will you do this, Dee???

    Celebrate the fact that you are moving forward and realizing the beautiful person that you are. And remember you've got us here to celebrate with you as well....Goody

    Last edited by goody2shuz; 02-27-2005 at 09:44 AM.

     
    Old 02-27-2005, 06:23 PM   #60
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    Re: my husband wants a divorce...how do I begin to cope?

    You guys are all so sweet, thank you. Tonight I feel better than last night. I know I'm going to have bad days like yesterday. Tomorrow, I'm still going to get a referral to a psychiatrist because I'm a bit nervous being on drugs like paxil and xanax without a qualified doctor talking to me and regulating them. And then I have counselling the next night. My counsellor told me to remember this phrase, and I've been trying to, because it has a lot of meaning behind it...piece by piece. In other words...one day at a time.

     
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