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  • Wife decided to divorce me

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    Old 06-08-2006, 08:46 PM   #31
    TINUVIEL
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    Re: Wife decided to divorce me

    Hi TML,

    It sounds like you have reached the first of a series of "milestones" that I believe one reaches when they go through a painful seperation. I know it dosen't seem like a milestone at all right now, but I really believe that the first time you begin to look at your partner even a little bit differently, when you first begin to feel even a little bit of that "nothing" that you describe, that is the turning point which marks the beginning of healing. Still terribly painful, and most of us still love them, but it is still the first part of the turning point, or at least this is what I have found to be true.

    I can understand totally what you mean by "not getting a chance to show what you're like when you're not sick". It's like being tried, judged, and convicted without ever even being given a chance to present your case.

    It's good you are beginning to be hopeful about future opportunities. And it is normal at this point for them to be interspersed with terrible spasms of grief. But in time, even if it takes a lot of time, the periods of hopefulness will grow longer and brighter and the periods of sorrow will diminish and fade.

    It sounds like you have a good plan of action, that is tremendously helpful when going through a very distressing time. If you are interested in pursuing some nutritional or alternative routes, Dr. Andrew Weil (reknowned nutritional expert) has some very effective vitamin and herb programs for combatting depression, be it chemical or situational.

    If you are interested, there is an excellent book which I have found invaluable, 'Finding Yourself In Transition: Using Life's Changes For Spiritual Awakening' by Robert Brumet. This is a great book and very helpful with getting through difficult transitions.

    Stay well. A very dark time indeed, but it really is better on the other side.

    Last edited by TINUVIEL; 06-09-2006 at 06:18 PM.

     
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    Old 06-09-2006, 01:28 AM   #32
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    Re: Wife decided to divorce me

    HI TML
    please watch those meds arnt lowering your immune system it took me 6 weeks before i realised that was what mine was, and its liek a herx, but it doesnt give up so fingers crossed yorus is a herx and your still kicking slimy butt.

    Reg: DJ all i can say is she is not far away...., but is not here and i know for a fact she has been thinking of you.

    I too was thinking about you this morning, and here the sun is shining and it is a lovely day as was yesterday, i felt the breeze through the window and an essence of new beginings. It sadens me when you discribe what you are going to loose, but if the path is laid then preciouse energy will be lost fighting and fighting is what has consumed your life for to long.

    As you are finding inbetween the lines there is a fresh crisp piece of paper for you to start your new adventure on.

    This disease is literally like being born again, some times i feel i want to run and some times jump on my lads push bike, i get impulses like i did when i was 13.

    May be that is what we get, we get the chance to try again.
    Its a 2 sided coin but we have to make sure it lands on the best one for us

    Loads of hugs

    Jules xxx

     
    Old 06-09-2006, 06:06 AM   #33
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    Re: Wife decided to divorce me

    I am so sorry to hear this news. Please know that I have thought of you often. I think we all have this fear that this could happen to us too. I know my husband has put up with a lot from me. We don't know any other life then me being sick.

    Just keep your head up. Hopefully your wife will come to her senses in time.

    Cindy

     
    Old 06-09-2006, 06:25 AM   #34
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    Re: Wife decided to divorce me

    Hi TML:

    I can hear a glimmer of happiness in your post. Please hang in there. We are all here for you if you ever need any support...

     
    Old 06-09-2006, 07:44 AM   #35
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    Re: Wife decided to divorce me

    Hi TML....your in my prayer's and thought's. Big Hugs to you!!!!!


     
    Old 06-09-2006, 05:58 PM   #36
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    Re: Wife decided to divorce me

    TML
    Just to let you know youre in my thoughts and prayers...Marsha

     
    Old 06-09-2006, 08:39 PM   #37
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    Re: Wife decided to divorce me

    Hey TML,

    Sorry to hear about all the turmoil... it is the last thing someone healing needs in their life. Meds can be scary and/or helpful but remember that it is ok to grieve for your losses... for not only the relationship but your home, familiar surroundings, familiar sounds, scents etc. You need to mourn the loss of these to get to a better place. Meds can sometimes block or squash the natural course of emotional healing.

    There have been times in my life when I cried my heart and soul out for a loss... only to look back 10 years later and find myself thankful for all that I learned about myself during that time and where the experience lead me...

    Lots of spiritual hugs and good thoughts for you.
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    Old 06-10-2006, 06:11 AM   #38
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    Re: Wife decided to divorce me

    HI TML, with you today honey xxx

     
    Old 06-10-2006, 07:10 AM   #39
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    Re: Wife decided to divorce me

    Dear Takemylife,

    I feel like I know you as I have gone through a similar situation which was heartbreaking. My marriage also broke up as I became a different person due to Lyme Disease.

    My husband didn't understand what I was going through which caused so much stress between us. That was many years ago and now that I am better, we are talking again. I believe there is a reason for everything that happens in our lives even though when it is actually happening, we can not see the silver linings behind those dark clouds.

    But there are silver linings, it just takes time to see them.

    I went through so many feelings of hurt, anger, self-pity, and back to feeling hurt and angry again. Time does heal wounds and we learn to forgive and move on with our lives. Yet, I realize that my ex-husband still loves me after all these years, and perhaps we will get back together again, I don't know that for sure yet but time will tell.

    I think he needs to learn how to trust me again now that I am better. But if I meet someone else in the meantime, it will be his loss.

    Did you say that it was your wife who wanted out of the marriage? If so, I don't understand why your house should go to her if she wants out. Then again, I don't understand all the legalities. I had bought my house before I married so my ex-husband had no rights to it. I am sure you have talked to an attorney about this matter.

    I would not give up hope that your marriage is completely over unless you want it to be over. I have met many couples who needed a separation to realize what they had was real. Time is really important as many people don't realize what they had until much time passes and then they realize what they had was truly beautiful.

    I wish you peace as you sound like a wonderful person, many men can not express their feelings like you do, obviously, you are one of a kind and you are very special.

    Just take one day at a time and try to find some enjoyment even if it's only for 5 minutes. Do things to make yourself feel better as your self-esteem is very important right now and don't ever give anyone the power to take that away from you, okay?

    I truly feel for you,
    Lacy

     
    Old 06-10-2006, 07:55 AM   #40
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    Re: Wife decided to divorce me

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by battling on
    HI TML, with you today honey xxx

     
    Old 06-10-2006, 08:58 AM   #41
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    Re: Wife decided to divorce me

    Hug yourself today...as we are all hugging you

     
    Old 06-10-2006, 05:09 PM   #42
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    Re: Wife decided to divorce me

    Good night sweety time for my bed. ZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzz

     
    Old 06-12-2006, 07:50 PM   #43
    GiGiof2
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    Red face Re: Wife decided to divorce me

    Hi TML~~~I have been gone from the boards for the past 6 weeks or so~~ Due to some painful things here~~~In any case I just got back and I can not believe what is happening to you ~~~Like everyone else I AM SO SORRY!!!!! You have been given some GREAT advice ~~~ I agree with all that is being said about the meds~~~ It needs to be given a lot of thought~~some one mentioned the 5 HTP which is very helpful~~~I found my self relapsing starting last week due to ( my own thing) and it was getting really bad a lot of stuff coming back ~~I started taking the Real Rhodiola 500mg~~~ to help relieve the stress which was killing me~~~it does help~~~ Listen you gave us all the OLEDA!!!!!! I like the alternative approach personally myself ~~~BUT it does take somewhat longer~~~In any case like everyone else here I will keep you in my prayers and send all positive thought's your way~~~you hang in there ~you fought way too hard to get where you were ~~don't you let anybody take that away from you !!!!!All good thought's coming your way ~~!!!!! GiGi~~~~

     
    Old 06-13-2006, 08:17 PM   #44
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    Re: Wife decided to divorce me

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by ekim1111
    I would like to add my fiance broke up with me when four family members and friends died all within six months. Lost a retail store and lots of money. She packed her bags and ran.

    I was down and out. She called me loser when I asked her why she was ending our 6 years.

    It is now 11 years since that day, and I thank her for saying goodbye to me. I found a great business, and a super wife. Prettier, smarter, and such a better match for me.

    I was so depressed the only thing I could think of is its got to be better there, then here.

    I couldn't see then, that the best thing was happening, only when I look back I can see this now.

    I hope this happens for you, you meet a better person for you, and your happier.

    Lots of healing to you.
    When I am at my lowest, I think of this post and I am very thankful for it.

     
    Old 06-13-2006, 09:54 PM   #45
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    Re: Wife decided to divorce me

    Takemylife ,

    I am so sorry! I have been off the board for a few weeks and then come back to hear such sad news.

    Try to stay positive with your healing. Lyme is such a hard disease. I know how hard it can be on everyone. Keep your chin up!!

    ~P

     
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