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    Old 12-01-2003, 05:41 PM   #46
    mudhound
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    Re: help with mentaly il wife (poss divorce)

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by pillbug
    I am bi-polar also and when I am really sick like right now I see things and hear things. You can be bi-polar and have these problems also. Please stick through it, my husband knew I was bi-polar when he married me and he signed on to make it through this with me. If you truly love her you'll help her when you can and stay out of the way when you can't. I cut myself also, my husband hides the knives or will take them with him when he leaves. Whether she shows it or not she really needs you and you probably need her too. My advice to you is to read as many books about this as you can and see if she will let you go to therapy with her.

    Thanks for your reply. I shall read more. I go to some of her dr. visits and therapy. It does help.

     
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    Old 12-19-2003, 04:41 PM   #47
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    Re: help with mentaly il wife (poss divorce)

    Just a note to this one for Rosita. I sure hope this one helps

     
    Old 12-22-2003, 02:07 PM   #48
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    Re: help with mentaly il wife (poss divorce)

    Mud-
    When I first read your initial post, I thought that I was reading a message posted by my father. He has been there and done the same things that you were speaking of...except the cutting. My moms mania is emotionally devastating. She is in a manic state right now as we speak. I cant do anything to get her in to the hospital because she is "not threatening hersalf or anyone else" right now. Actually she IS a threat to herself or others, but she is so much of a genius, she can talk anyone in or out of anything!?!?! She was in a car accident at 2 in the morning and totalled my dads only car because she is manic and "she was restless" More like she needs to be in a G**DA**ed hospital before she KILLS someone. And that is the only option that she is left with....the system wont help her until she actually DOES harm someone or herself. Excuse me.....just if she harms someone else. The system is no help in these times of need. Mean while this emotionally unstable person is allowed to ruin their lives and the lives of their families!!! I always could not wait to be old enough to be out of the house and away from her and her sickness....but now as an adult, I have to take care of her and try and see that she gets the proper mental care....when does this end. I have urged and pushed for my dad to divorce my mom. Every time she goes manic, she trys to kill my father. He needs to leave her for his saftey. I feel that I already have one parent that is at the point of no return....I can not lose another. When she is manic, he questions his mental status. He thinks he is losing it, and after too many more years of this...he might lose it. SO, I think that my father should leave for his own safety. How do you get your wife into the hospital, how do you cope with this time after time?
    Thank you for your time.
    Amanda

     
    Old 12-23-2003, 04:00 PM   #49
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    Re: help with mentaly il wife (poss divorce)

    WOW,

    I can feel his pain. My wife has been sick for nearly 5 years. I guess the main thing that has helped us through is a strong faith in God. I lean on him every day and yet I fail every day. Some time ago, I gave up. God did not give up on my wife or me. He only led me to other places for me to vent and learn from others. For example, tell your dad to find a local support group. You can look one up for him by typing in a search for your state + mental health + support group. I find that by venting and listening to others brings me to a place that we are able to handle things. Well, at least for now.
    Is your mother on meds? Does she attend therapy? Your dad needs therapy himself. I did and it was the best things for my own mental health. By the way, tell him to TAKE the keys to the car. If she gets mad so what. Iíve had to do that several times. I have never enjoyed that either.

     
    Old 12-23-2003, 07:38 PM   #50
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    Unhappy Re: help with mentaly il wife (poss divorce)

    Hi Mudhound,
    I feel sympathetic for your situation. I did not read every entry in your thread in detail so pardon me if what I say repeats something said earlier.
    One thing that concerns me is that your wife has seen 6 psych's in 4 years. It is important to try and get the same one for a lengthier time so that he/she may try different medicine combinations , sing knowledge accumulated about your wife and her reactions to meds over a period of time. I know it can be hard to find a good dr., but is she/you "dumping" one as soon as something doesn't work out?
    The other thing I wanted to mention is that with a mix of schizophrenia and bipolar/manic symptoms, Zyprexa is sometimes effective. I have I think my diagnosis is now Schizoaffective Disorder, and I take Effexor for depression, Tegretol for bipolar (mainly with mania) and both Seroquel and Risperdal for the "schizo-" symptoms. But my dr. and I will soon discuss Zyprexa, so that one day I may not have to take both the Seroquel and Risperdal. (Seroquel can also help with mood although it is an anti-psychotic.)
    The bottom line is that it took my doctor 6 yrs to tweak in my meds and doses just right as they are now. Luckily I happened to find a good one and stuck with him. This will be crucial in your case, as I have mentioned. Good luck.



    "We go on vacation to forget things, and when we get to our destination we remember what we forgot!" --Alfred E. Neumann

     
    Old 12-24-2003, 03:24 AM   #51
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    Re: help with mentaly il wife (poss divorce)

    Thanks for your reply. The reason she has seen so many doctorís is that one moved away, one she + I could not stand, 3 were in the hosp and the final one is her current dr. She has had the last one for over a year now and she appears to be a keeper. Her current dr is female, has people experience (ex insurance sales person), has therapy experience, and will take the time to ask the right questions. Yes, she has tweaked her meds and she did something that I have loads of respect for. She caught my wife in one of the worst phases of her illness and doped the crap out of her. My wife was a zombie for about 2-3 months but she kept lowering the doses until she became stable again.

    Overall, I do love my wife. Our relationship has suffered greatly over the past few years and has room for improvement. But, after 19+ years, I do hope we can stay together for life.

     
    Old 12-26-2003, 11:22 AM   #52
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    Re: help with mentaly il wife (poss divorce)

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by mudhound

    Overall, I do love my wife. Our relationship has suffered greatly over the past few years and has room for improvement. But, after 19+ years, I do hope we can stay together for life.

    Mud-
    you sound so strong.....I hope everything that comes your way in the future is hopeful and positive. You deserve a great future The love you have for your wife is incredible. I understand completely where you have been and that is why I KNOW you are incredibly strong.
    I am sure your wife appreciates who you are, but if her mania is anything like my moms, you are the bad guy for everything. I always try to tell my dad this...you are not the bad guy....you are the strong one for being here.
    Please take care-
    Amanda

     
    Old 08-28-2004, 04:46 PM   #53
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    Arrow Re: help with mentaly il wife (poss divorce)

    I brought this up for kydad to read.
    __________________
    God Bless

    Mudhound

     
    Old 08-29-2004, 12:08 AM   #54
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    Exclamation Re: help with mentaly il wife (poss divorce)

    Divorce will do nothing,. If she is diagnosed as a true Psychotic and has Bi-Polar 1.. and is being treated with the proper drugs, Divorce will do nothing..
    A person with severe medical issues upstairs, can not try to make themselves better, no matter what u think or believe about psychiatry and psychological issues..

    You can divorce her, but it will only make u feel better that you have washed your hands of her..

    and know that she is someone else's problem... in your mind u would believe the problem is fixed.. [ but it isn't and never will be. I apologize if this part was misunderstood.. ]

    I am sorry this sounds so harsh..

    Your last resort when she is not responding to ANY treatment or she is refusing treatment and If she has lost touch with reality and refuses to take her medicine or stops taking it because she feels fine... you may have to face the fact of committing her to a psychiatric facility.. These types of medical conditions don't go away, they are treated with meds and therapy..Depending on if she becomes worse or not, eventually she may attempt or will either kill herself or one or more family members, all because a voice, voices or god told her to.. When all else fails.. you may be left with do [electric] shock therapy, this has had rather good results.. and it is not done in the old fashion stereo typical way.. they sedate the person, strap them down, place the rubber block in the mouth(??) and ZAP! I have no idea how it works or what it does, but if u wish to speak of miracles, this type of treatment has done wonders for a lot of people that have gone through such treatment.. it doesn't work for everyone and not everyone can have the procedure.

    I realize the original post is over a year old and that things have changed, for good or bad, possibly making this post a moot point.

    what is written is just my own opinion..

    what ever you choose to do or not do, I wish you good luck.. and hope that somehow it all works out.




    Quote:
    Originally Posted by mudhound
    I may be doing something extremely stupid or very smart. Iím at the very end of my rope. My wife has been mentally ill for years now. She is bipolar with very severe physic problems. She hears voices, sees things that are not there, and cuts on herself. She needs help and she has been given 4 years of different drugs, 3 therapists, 6 physiatrist, pastor care (church) NAMI, AA group, and some more too.
    She shows almost no affection for me. I love my wife dearly and I wish she could get better but, I my opinion she wants to be sick! By this, I mean that she does not or cannot put into practice the things her therapist tries to get her to do. (Coping skills are rarely used)
    HELP
    Should I file for divorce? Should I go on hoping that she might get better?

    Some other facts: married for 19 years
    One son age 16
    2 dogs
    Almost paid for home
    Middle to upper income
    3 cars
    Stable church life
    Lots of fam support from my side of the fam (my dad keeps her for me while I work sometimes)
    Decent insurance

    All ideas are needed because the last idea I have is shock therapy (divorce).

    Last edited by BrianKosh; 09-01-2004 at 04:37 PM.

     
    Old 08-29-2004, 05:32 AM   #55
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    Re: help with mentaly il wife (poss divorce)

    There is a small plus side to what Mudhound has gone through over the last two years that I have known him on the boards here.

    And that is that he is one of the most highly self-educated family members I have ever met - on or off the boards.

    He has remained with his wife out of love, committment, faith & sheer determination when many would have paid more attention to their own mental & physical health and left.

    I post on the Relationships boards also. When someone there posts that someone has "cheated" everyone is all over them to quit the relationship. What Mudhound endures is endless and forgiveness is not even an opton because this is an illness that can't be "gotten over".

    I am a highly functional Bipolar (Type I) but there, in Mudhound's wfie, but for the grace of God go I.
    It is men like Mudhound that give me a glimmer of hope that if my illness ever did a turn around my husband might get on here and talk to Mudhound to get some support for his endless battle with my disease.

     
    Old 05-09-2005, 02:11 PM   #56
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    Re: help with mentaly il wife (poss divorce)

    Hey Mud!

    I'm getting ready to be kicked off of the computer here at the library . . . Haven't been in a loooong time, but spotted your post. Please forgive me all If I say some off things due to not having time to read all the pages.

    I just wanted to let you know that I'm sorry to hear your pain. The mental illness really can wreak havoc on the marriage. Ours lasted 5 years. Having read your posts in the past, I have marveled at how you have hung in there. Whatever you decide needs to be for you. This is coming from the bipolar one in our marriage (the OCD really mucked things up, too). Taking care of yourself does not necessarily mean that you are abandoning your wife. Reading past descriptions of her has reminded me of myself many times.

    It was much less complicated for us. The only thing we owned were a few pieces of furniture and two vehicles. We had much less history and only a couple of small critters rather than any children. I know that my illness was not the only factor. Never is any one thing. It has been rough, too. I've lived in my truck for 3 months, and grown and discovered a lot. Unfortunately, one of the discoveries has been that still, as in the past, I don't seem to be able to take care of myself by myself. But it isn't my husband's (still haven't gotten all the legalities finished) responsibility, and on Friday I entered a residential treatment program to try to learn to manage this thing called life and become part of it again.

    Since we have been apart. He has been able to support me in many ways that were impossible for him previously. Things were just too intense. I can actually experience his concern and support, as well as reciprocate for the first time in years. We're learning to become other things to each other, even though we couldn't be spouses or even lovers.

    It hurts a bit. What in life doesn't?

    Please don't take this as an attempt to try to tell you what to do. I just wanted to share some of my perspective, as jumbled as it has had to be. And, again, forgive me if I'm in left field a bit. I'll try to get back soon to orient myself better on this and other current threads.

    Looping in Loopyland . . . .
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    Old 05-10-2005, 04:24 AM   #57
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    Re: help with mentaly il wife (poss divorce)

    I will attemp to give a complete update soon.
    __________________
    God Bless

    Mudhound

     
    Old 05-10-2005, 08:46 AM   #58
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    Re: help with mentaly il wife (poss divorce)

    Mudhound, I am so glad someone dug up this thread...
    It's the Mudhound of many sentences and I have missed him very very much...

     
    Old 05-10-2005, 09:31 AM   #59
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    Re: help with mentaly il wife (poss divorce)

    Tee, hee . . . Guess I really should pay attention to the dates on posts, huh?
    __________________
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    Last edited by loopyturtle; 05-10-2005 at 09:32 AM.

     
    Old 05-12-2005, 03:15 AM   #60
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    Re: help with mentaly il wife (poss divorce)

    Well, itís been a long time since a real update has been thought of. A load of items have gone on in the mean time. I think that the drís have realized that my wife was and is very sick. I too have come to this conclusion too. However, just because she is sick does not mean that she wants to be sick. It appears that way from time to time and Iíll have to find ways to cope this issue.
    A divorce is not in our soon to be future. However, I would be amiss to dismiss such action forever. A lot of things can happen. Some of them, I have little control over. The ones that I do have some power over are the ones that I must concur. I have control over my own actions. I choose to bathe, dress, eat, sleep, and where I go.
    In how she behaves, I can only wish, pray and lead by example. Speaking of leading by example, a boat load of men out there are letting the love of sex, money, and power rule their lives. In those items I have control. I can decide to not let them rule me.
    Lastly, the last year has brought happiness in ways that can only be expressed by praising the Lord. He has led me in the path that He wants me to go. Iím just supposed to get a new pair of shoes when the tread gets thin.
    __________________
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    Mudhound

     
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