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Unconditional 06-20-2010 05:50 AM

Bipolar, Divorce. Friendly to Anger???
My wife and I have been married many years. 3.5 years ago my wife was diagnosed with Bipolar2, she has a good PDOC. But, he doesnt spend enough time with her (15-20 minutes max.) I think she has been decieving him. And she doesnt go to her TDOC on a regular basis, she also decieves her TDOC.

April 27, 2010, we are text messagig each other on my way to work ( I love you, I love you more, no way etc...) April 29, 2010, she tells me she needs to get away for a few days to think (she has done this before) I didn't think to much about it. Everyone, some time needs a little time to them selves. April 30, 2010 she returns home in the eveing and tells me she wants me to sleep with her and hold her, I held her all night long (no intimacy, just cuddling), the next day we went to her PDOC and TDOC, she leaves again when we return home in the late afternoon. 10 days after she leaves she tells me she wants a divorce.

A few days later she says she wants to come home and get a few things, but she doesnt want me at the house she is fearful, she arrived the next day with her sister and I helped her pack and carry out what she wanted , the next few days (5 days) she comes back by her self and says she sees that I am not going to do anything to her (paranoia??). Over the next 5 days of she coming to the house to get items and move them I talk with her to try to understand why she wants a divorce, she could give me no straight answer, other than "I'm not happy." During these 5 days she allows and even encourgaes me to hold her hand, give her a back rub and even some short kisses.

A few days later, she filed for mediation in local court for child support visitation etc, she has talked in a friendly and understanding manner. As the next few weeks go by, after her leaving, she begins to become progressively agressive and hateful towards me (In speach, tone and words used). As of this post, she wont answer her cell phone or text messages about business related matters (selling of realestaet, visitation etc) and I fear is becoming progressively worse.

I do know she has been using alcohol and I know its antisthetic and depressive effects upon the body chemistry. I fear she is going to crash (depression) and have to be hospitalized. I am also feaful she may become reckless and endanger our youngest child (still at home).

I have an education in Behavioral Sciences, how ever, I'm painted in the picture and can't see all the colors clearly.

Any ideas as to why the agressive behavior?

DreamsInRainbow 02-07-2011 07:29 PM

Re: Bipolar, Divorce. Friendly to Anger???
Bipolar is a tough one (I have it). I know this one was written a while ago but you may get an email that someone has responded to your post. Can you update me on what happened? How are things going?

Unconditional 02-08-2011 02:58 AM

Re: Bipolar, Divorce. Friendly to Anger???
It has been awhile since I posted, So--I'll do my best to recapture the events.
*July 2010 reports came in she had messed around with one of our 16 (17 yr. old now) daughter male friends (a high schooler). Several reports come in she is drinking heavly and becoming more manic in her behaviors.
*August 2010 she moved into a trailer court and a boyfriend of hers moved in with her.
*December she totaled her automobile and was charged with wreckless driving. She is becoming depressed and agressive in behavior towards me.
*January 2011 her behaviors have become agressive in intent hidden by a very active and professional cover-up (decietful of true intent).

She is trying to convience our youngest daughter (6 yrs old) that her living with another man is acceptable and has took her to a therapist because of our daughters agressive behavior towards him.

We are in the final months of a divorce (I hope by end of March 2011) and there is no turning back. I do still have some attachment to her because of our children (you can't turn your back on someone 100% after being married to them for so long), but, I'm scared to ever trust her again. Her permiscuity and abuse of acohol and who knows if there are drugs involved? has pushed me away from her, the hateful things said and done to our family will take many years for us to heal.
I've talked with her TDOC many times over the past 8 months about her behavior and her TDOC believes she will continue to go down hill and eventually I will end up with full custody of our youngest daughter.
I see the way my STBX interacts with our daughter via the things my daughter tells me and what I see my daughter needing in attention that her mother doesn't give. I believe my STBX is more interested in her live-in boyfriend than she is our daughter.
I know my daughter is in pain because of her mothers behavior, she tells me things that bring tears to my eyes and pain to my soul. For my STBX to treat our child like this is just heart wrenching (as for now our daughter lives with me a week and her mother a week). I do wish my STBX would get help and get some stability for her own health and safety and espically for our daughters emotional and developmental health, but I don't think she will ever accept the responsibility that it takes to do the correct thing.

All this has been very hard on our eldest and youngest daughters, I believe our middle daughter is Bipolar also. For us to be such as solid Chritian family who was homeschooling, founders of a church, and living such a wonderful loving, close-nit christian family life. It can only be immagined what devistation it has brought upon us. All of the events of the past 2 years has been such a shock to everyone who has known our family and the closeness and love we once had.

Thanks for the interest and concern of my post.

DreamsInRainbow 02-08-2011 08:13 PM

Re: Bipolar, Divorce. Friendly to Anger???
Oh gosh - I'm so sorry to hear all that (especially that your daughter has to go through what she is going through right now with her. And to hear that you think your other daughter is bipolar as well). All I can say is, bipolar is SUCH a tough illness. The worst part is how often the people who have it LOOK so normal when in fact what is going on "behind the scenes" (inside our brains) is complete chaos. I'm sure if your wife/ex was in her full faculties, she would be behaving in a better way. Just try to remember what she was like before the illness really took her over (for the kids sake - I'm sure they can't understand why their mother is behaving so oddly)

I really hope everything works out for you and your family....... I wish you the best.


aqi32 02-20-2011 12:21 AM

Re: Bipolar, Divorce. Friendly to Anger???
i'm very sorry you're going through this and also very sorry your children are caught up in it out of no fault of your own.

I'm in a similar sitaution in that my wife suffers from chronic depression, she went to spend a month at xmas with her parents, she's originally from peru, she went away loving me and missing me and came back wanting a divorce, luckily we don't have children.

I've managed to get her on medication and getting treatment and she is a lot more lucid and logical, she's away by herself sorting her head out, with a psiquiatrist.

Ofcourse as you'll know these ilnesses affect their judgment, chrnoic depressives see everything as being against them, feel lonely, hold onto things fro years going round and roud their heads, small everyday things trigger the depressive mode. Your wife is worse because of the manic mode of bipolar, doing things so impulsive and without thought it causes real damage. If she is abusing alcohol also, hard as it may be for you seeing as you do feel tied to her, i know how i feel about my wife so understand, but maybe it be best to persue getting full custody now! maybe he shock of her losing her kids would help her sober up? sometimes a good kick up the backside wakens people up.

hope it all works out for you, forget about any feelings for her and concentrate on your kids! good luck and patience.


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