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Married 35yrs, Divorced 8 Months.. I'm Lost

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Old 06-30-2010, 06:20 AM   #1
crook back
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Question Married 35yrs, Divorced 8 Months.. I'm Lost

Hi to All fellow Boardies ;-)

I've just joined the board again after being gone for about 5yrs.

I suspected my husband was cheating for about 2 years before we separated..
I got a Private Detective and it proved Iwas right..
I gave him 3 chances but ultimately she won

He has now married the woman he was cheating with,
but he is her THIRD husband,..
I wonder if it will go the way of her other marriages?....of course it's not my business now...

I told my daughter I wished him luck, but there's NO WAY I want him back..
he ruined any love I felt for him ..

.after all that time, losts of Memories and 3children I still can't believe he gave it all away but I have to ..

I am now on my own, have made many men friends I met on dating sites , but the majority seem to be looking for brief encounters, ..

I'm told I'm attractive,younger looking, very independent, have lots of hobbles, but that Spark of Love still evades me..

so I've decided I'll give up trying and just be a single woman again..

Does anyone have any suggestions what I could do to meet unattached men apart from dating Websites? or should I just give up and be happy?

Thanks for any help You can give ... xx

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Old 06-30-2010, 07:40 AM   #2
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Re: Married 35yrs, Divorced 8 Months.. I'm Lost

I think you just have to be involved in your life as much as possible. But it sounds like you're doing that. Hobbies, travel, friends, etc. Lots of people meet people through friends, they meet at parties their friends throw, through hobbies or activities. Though a lot of people are meeting these days through internet dating sites. It seems to be the wave of the future, though they don't always work. They didn't work for me, and I did it for 10 years.

Don't look at it as giving up. Just be the best you that you know how to be, and do what satisfies you and brings you bliss, and what you were meant to have will come, I believe. Good luck.

Old 06-30-2010, 07:54 AM   #3
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Re: Married 35yrs, Divorced 8 Months.. I'm Lost

Well first of all I'm so sorry that happened! As far a "finding" love......I dont think it works that way. I tried to "find" love in any nook and cranny possible. But all I found was a couple of losers....nothing of any real substance. Today, I think it will happen when it happens......if it happens.....but I'm too busy to go looking for it. So my advice dont have to give up on the notion of love. You still have a lot of life to live and you NEVER know where life will take you. But I wouldn't go looking for it. It's been 8 months since your divorced finalized. I think I would just stay busy, be social, live well, and let whatever is going to happen, happen. Good luck to you!

Last edited by justmel30; 06-30-2010 at 07:57 AM.

Old 06-30-2010, 10:55 AM   #4
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Re: Married 35yrs, Divorced 8 Months.. I'm Lost

I'm very sorry this happened. It will take time for you to heal and feel yourself again.. how tragic. But you sound very grounded and realistic.

I would say get into some activities you enjoy, where you meet other people. Not just to meet men, but to meet lots of people. Like a bowling league or aqua arobics or other club you can do something you like once or twice a week. You'll meet people with the same interests and having a good bunch of lady friends might be just what you need! Eventually you will meet a nice man, but whats the rush! Find your self again and heal ..then you'll be healthy and ready for a great man to spend the rest of your life with, a true companion.

Old 06-30-2010, 04:38 PM   #5
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Thumbs down Re: Married 35yrs, Divorced 8 Months.. I'm Lost

Thank you for your Replies ladies, ,

I liked your ideas,
the only problem is my hobbies are ones I do on my own,

like crossstitch, reading, creative writing/short storys,
a love of music, which I love to share I had a wicked sense of humour which has disappeared, and nothing seems to interest me anymore..

I don't drive as I used to walk everywhere to keep fit, ,
I now have a disability from ops. which is one of the reasons he left me.. and rarely go out.. cos of the expense these days

I worked at home for my ex, in our business, so didn't get to meet people and make new friends, those we did have were HIS friends,

I only have a handful now, but I love and appreciate those I do have..they have to come to my home..

I only see my g/kids once a week if I'm lucky, as they are so busy with friends & hobbies, & have to go round the other grandmas, n, HER included,

so I have to take a turn, tho I'm always available to babysit, but not wanted..

Sorry to sound so negative but that's the way it is at the moment...

I'll Just have to keep upto date with World Events on TV....and my PC, my outlet to the World.. . Kind Regards CB x

Old 06-30-2010, 07:05 PM   #6
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Re: Married 35yrs, Divorced 8 Months.. I'm Lost

Ok, so maybe not a hobby.....but what about church, or a support group or something. I'm not trying to be religious here, but I started going to church......mostly for the social....and I love it! Everybody is friendly, and it's nice to get out. My kids love it too, and churches ALLWAYS need volunteers and help of one kind or another. I wish I could help more, but 3 little boys keep me pretty busy. But there absolutely HAS to be SOMETHING out there for you. You are just going to have to leave your comfort zone and broaden your perspectives a little. And please please please dont take this like I'm getting down on you. Change sucks! I absolutely understand what your going through. It's hard to start over, and scary too. Any and every insecurity you've ever had suddenly floods your brain and it feels helpless. But at some point, you will realize that although life didn't turn out the way you had planned, it isn't over. You will also realize how very little control you have on which way it actually takes you. Try as I might to make things go one way, life almost allways pushes them in another. I've learned I can fight it and probably lose, or I can roll with it. I think right now your tired from the fight. So be kind to yourself, and learn to roll for a while. Does that make sense? Good luck!

Old 06-30-2010, 10:06 PM   #7
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Post Re: Married 35yrs, Divorced 8 Months.. I'm Lost

Thanks Melissa it does make sense,
but there is a lot more awful stuff happened than I can say here .

I have met some lovely men,
one I'm still in contact with, but he lives a long way away from me,
I just flew back from a visit with him, we got on ok,

but I don't know WHAT I want anymore.. and it's not fair on him to leave him waiting..

I think I might organize a girlfriend to accompany me to an event just to get out & see something interesting that doesn't cost much?..

I just got a booklet with Events happening in my Town in the post today ..
I'll let you know how it goes ..

Thanks CB x

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