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twice divorced men, and going backwards to an old lover

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Old 04-28-2003, 08:38 PM   #1
Join Date: Jan 2002
Posts: 434
nightowl2 HB User
Question twice divorced men, and going backwards to an old lover

I haven't written for a long time,but, I just want to know what any men that have been through this would think in regards to what I am wondering now.....I have an ex- boyfriend that I "let go" about twenty years ago(he was at first a very NICE person, but, then turned abusive,but, he wasn't always like this...) I let him go because of this...but, I have still loved him anyways(he was pretty young and going into the Army)He had wanted me to marry him which I didn't , and somehow by a miracle (and I do mean just that!) I found him on a web site,and found several of his other addressess as well!! which aren't there now! and he and I started to write to each other,more me ,than him.He went off to the "sands"...Kuwait and the war,etc. The last letter that I got was "that he had gone to the sands and to keep in touch".I was wondering if he could still have any feelings for feelings... at all? He has been married twice....the first marriage didn't work out because it was long distance, and the second one was because I guess that his wife was mentally sick, or something.....I have always loved this person....because he actually is a very funny , caring , intelligent and interesting person. I wrote him some"love" poems about how I felt about him(some people have seen the poems and said "WOW!!!" that I should send him the poems, and I did)...but, now I wonder if it will impact him or not, with how he is now....He told me that he doesn't want to come back to where I met him...ever.Can this change, do you think? He also told me that he has changed.I believe that I would love him no matter what....but, then again I do NOT want to be a doormat either!!! I don't think that he is abusive, but, some people think that once abusive, always abusive.....I know that I have a ton of questions here, but, I just need to would help me out so much!!! I am very sad.I still am in love with him. I have never given up hope, because I believe that it must have been some kind of "divine intervention" to have found him(it is a long long story on THAT ONE!!) but, I really do feel that THIS was meant to be!!! HELP, What do I do!!!????I can't really do much right now,because I don't know where he is,but, do I have a chance to get him back, and how do a lot of men feel after two divorces? and all of the other things that I have said in this letter?? Please if you have somethin' to say....let me know! Thanks!!!

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Old 04-29-2003, 02:14 PM   #2
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Western USA
Posts: 1,758
Ninispjc HB User

Hey Nightowl - I know you said you wanted input from men on the board, but I thought I'd throw in my 2 cents as well, hope you don't mind. Im not sure what you mean when you say he doesn't want to come back to where he met you...ever. Does that mean he doesn't want to move back to the town you and he used to live in, the same town you still live in? Would you be willing to relocate to be with this guy? I'd take things slowly. I don't think it's out of the question that he could be a different person now and won't be abusive anymore, but you also have to consider the fact that he is twice divorced, and you're only hearing his side of why those marriages didn't work. What would his ex wives say about it? He's been through a lot, and neither of you is the same person you were back then. Give yourself some time to become re-acquainted. Why not just correspond as friends for a while to get to know each other again? 20 years is a long time to be carrying a torch for someone, but it happens. Just be sensible, use your head and intuition as well as your heart, and good luck to you.

Old 04-29-2003, 06:48 PM   #3
Join Date: Jan 2002
Posts: 434
nightowl2 HB User

I just wanted to add that, my ex- stated that he didn't want to come back to the area where he lived which was/is where I live near. That is what I was trying to say. nightowl2

Old 05-01-2003, 08:37 PM   #4
Join Date: Jan 2002
Posts: 434
nightowl2 HB User

What is like to be twice divorced, is it any different from just a regular relationship(in which you didn't marry?) or is it much different?People keep telling me that it is a lot different.....the only reason that I would need to know is just that I just want to know where my ex- could be coming from as a man.....from that perspective, and I do realize that men are all individual,but, I still really want to if anyone has any thoughts on this, please let me know(also , thanks for the other letter...just to let you know, I appreciated it!) Nightowl2

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