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long marriage ending

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Old 10-23-2010, 12:15 PM   #1
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Question long marriage ending

Two weeks age everything seemed to be going along well until I noticed my wife acting suspicious. Turned out she was leading a bit of a double life. While I was away working in the mines, she was partying around the pubs and playing the poker machines without fear. Anyway once discovered she said she felt guilty and ashamed and started owning up and being honest with me. She wasn't totally honest and as I got deeper into bank statements and transactions I discovered a lot more.
For a while I felt that I had let her down by not being with her, but the truth is that when I went away I did not spend one penny, I was fully focused on our savings...nest egg.
I have stopped blaming myself and talking to her now she says she is going to pay it all back. I know she can't and all I want is to put it behind us and move forward. She has now become stubborn and I have become ill, through stress. I don't think she can change and I have decided to move on and feel divorce is my only option.

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Old 10-25-2010, 07:02 AM   #2
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Re: long marriage ending

Have you considered seeing a marriage counselor - the two of you together I mean. I know you are going through a traumatic time but two weeks ago isn't very long & you say you have had a long marriage behind you. It's worth trying to recover ground & save it. A third person can sometimes see things more objectively. Let us know how you go & what you decide.

Old 11-01-2010, 06:57 AM   #3
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Re: long marriage ending

I always try to make it a rule not to act on emotions only. At two weeks, you are still obviously upset, and big decisions require thinking lucidly. Talk this out with a friend you can trust. A professional counselor would be better. Even keep posting here. Think in your mind what will be the consequences of your actions either way in 6 months, a year, or even 5 years- housing, finances, custody, etc. You don't say if children are involved. Would a trial separation be something that would allow you to think more clearly? Then, when your emotions have died down, you can decide one way or the other. I'm sure you didn't decide to marry your wife in just two weeks. Allow the same consideration for the dissolution.
Good Luck,

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