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Leave or Stay

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Old 12-23-2010, 12:43 AM   #1
Join Date: Dec 2010
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bella0511 HB User
Unhappy Leave or Stay

Been married to 2nd husband for 15 years. I have 2 adult children prior to this marriage. We have 2 wonderful grandsons.

I just found out that he has been getting and recieving BJ's from strange men for 3-5 years. I knew he was bi-curious prior to our marriage but he said he was done with that part of his life prior to us getting married.

He says he will do whatever it takes to make this up to me. The marriage has not been good for years. I have felt invisable and ignored for years which I have talked to him about many times. He agrees and always says he will work on it but never really did. At least for no more then a day or two.. He puts great effort into his realtionships with his work, neighbors and friends but not towards me. He says he will go to doctors to be checked for std's (as will I) and go to whatever kind of therapy needed.

I love him But I don't know if I'm In Love with him. I don't know if I can ever trust him again. I'm afraid to stay and I'm afraid to leave.

I have been self-employed for years and have no special education to go out into the real world. I live, eat and breath my jobs/home. I have no where to go and no money to leave.

I'm so lost and lonely it isn't funny. I only have one friend and cannot tell anyone else or the kids. They would be so devastated if they new.

It's been a long 5 days. Where to go from here??

Thanks for listening.

Happy Holidays to all.

Last edited by bella0511; 12-23-2010 at 12:43 AM.

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Old 03-15-2011, 10:16 AM   #2
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Re: Leave or Stay

get rid of him, for good.....
the relationship hasn't been good BEFORE can it ever be good....
you can live without him, believe me.......

Old 03-18-2011, 12:44 PM   #3
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Re: Leave or Stay

Why would you be the one to leave?

I can't see any reason to stay in the marriage unless you want a marriage of convenience. But considering the length of the marriage and the reason it would be ending, I'm not sure I understand why you would need to leave the home.

Have you gotten legal advice?

Here's the thing: I'm no expert but you are married to a gay man. Call it bi, call it bi-curious. The fact is he's cheating and he's not motivated to find other women, who could also preform the service, to get what he wants. He wants men. It doesn't matter how hard he tries to be a good husband, you are not the person he's desirous of being married to and you can't be that person.

Frankly, you hold the trump card here. I personally have no issue with being gay. But I hate to read you putting yourself down and fearing venturing out on your own when you are in the drivers seat and can't see it. I am in NO WAY suggesting you threaten to expose his behavior. But I don't think you understand that he might be very motivated to make you happy in a divorce settlement if he understands that it's not going to harm him in any way, that you will honor his request for privacy and that you are doing this for both of you.

If he is a decent man, if he is anything near that man you love but are not in love with, then he should be willing to work with you to help the two of you to move on with your lives. He's only happy where he is because you are functioning as his beard. You deserve better.

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