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After 22 yrs he wants a divorce

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Old 06-12-2011, 06:20 PM   #1
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Detoit,MI
Posts: 1
iamnotms HB User
After 22 yrs he wants a divorce

My husband informed me on April 2 that "our home was going into foreclosure, he was getting a divorce and he has a new baby". Needless to say I was in shock. We were friends before we became husband and wife.

Although he had the higher income, I was the more financially stable one in the relationship. He had filed bankruptcy before I met him and had child support payments. I helped him pay off his child support arrears and re-establish his credit. I owned my own home and added him to the Mortgage so he would fill a true part of the family.

Long story short, he ran up my credit cards without my knowledge and kept borrowing money on the house. I questioned how he was able to get loans on the house without my signature but could not get a straight answer.

I have been disabled with Multiple Sclerosis since 2001. You cannot look at me and tell I have MS. I had $100.000 in my 401 when I retired and he had over $150,000 in his. After getting really ill with the MS I let him take over the finances and thought nothing of it, cause I trusted him. I would check the check book and see payments were being made on time. What I didn't know was that he was running up the charges and gambling.

He has cheated often, blaming it on my MS. For the record, I have never not been able to perform my wifely duties. I did stop having sex with him after getting an std. I know I should have left him but felt he would come around. At the same time, he had surgery for a hernia and alleged he could not perform sexually and I believed him. Whenever I questioned his faithfulness he claimed I was holding his pass against him. And we had an otherwise good marriage and a blended family. We have been married 22 yrs and until his announcement, I thought we were ok. He is now saying that all his 401 is gone and he is not able to pay me back the $40,000 he was suppose to put back into my 401 this year. We previously took money from my 401 because I was disabled and there was no penalty and last year he was 59 and 1/2 and was able to withdraw from his. The 40,000 was a loan and the rest I volunteered. All of his 401 is gone according to him. I have a little left in mine.

After his telling his children and mine the same thing he told me, they all went off on him. He is now saying he does not have a baby and that he lied. I think his attorney advised him that he should not have admitted to that. I am so hurt and now I am trying to find an apartment to live in. It is very hard to leave my home of over 37 yrs that I had before meeting him and I have had credit since I was 17 yrs old and now on the verge of bankruptcy is a lot to swallow.

I know God won't put more on me than I can bare, but know one can imagine the pain I feel. Along with having MS I have a pre cancerous condition called Barrette's Esophagus, and a bad ulcer in my esophagus and stomach. He keeps telling me to trust that he is going to try and pay down my credit cards and help me find a place to live before he moves out. But I no longer believe any thing he says which causes him to go off on me and he keeps threatening to just leave and not try and pay down all the debts he has run up in my name.

My husband is 60 and I am 61 and too old for this foolishness. I have been a loyal, faithful wife to this man and he is throwing me away like I never meant anything to him saying "I love you, I am just not in love with you" what a bunch of BS. He also told me if I had listened to my gut instead of believing his many lies about cheating and gambling over the past few years, I wouldn't be in this situation. He's absolutely right, I feel so STUPID.

I am trying to stay calm so my MS or any of the other ailments don't get me; but, It is so hard. I know this is a long post, my first one. So, please pray for me and know I am praying for all of you.

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Old 06-16-2011, 05:07 PM   #2
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Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 156
AThena53 HB UserAThena53 HB User
Re: After 22 yrs he wants a divorce

First, get yourself a lawyer. I'm not one. I think, though, that you can't be held responsible for debts that he incurred fraudulently in your name. I find it weird that he was able to get home equity loans because the closing is typically done in person and the documents are notarized, meaning that the signers have to produce ID or be known to the notary. The catch is that he'll be prosecuted. Up to you whether you want to do that- it can impair his ability to get or keep a job. If you think you may be able to get anything form his future income, it may not be a good idea.

Please don't feel stupid and don't let him dump on you when he's the one who's lied up and down and broken laws all over the place. Trusting, hoping for the best? Maybe. Not wanting to think it could be this bad? Sure- that happened to me, although your husband makes mine look like a pussycat by comparison.

Good luck, and keep us posted.

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