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thefarm 09-29-2011 12:03 PM

Stressful situation, what would you do?
I wish I could get rid of stress...
My ex husband was a lying, manipulative, bully. When we split I eventually had to file a restraining order. That's when he decide to start a custody battle. We were in court for over 3 yrs. He lied making accusations so I'd have to have a ton of people back me up sayin it wasnt true. 19,000 in attorney fees & I ended up defending myself in court. My attorney was a crook. I did keep custody of my kids. He moved 7 times after we split up. But when I decided to move in with my now fiancÚ, I had to wait 11 months to get the ok from the court. The judge actually said that if I moved again, I may lose the kids! Anyhow, That's when the market dropped & I couldn't sell my house so it became a rental. My now husband is able to be our mediator.
My ex started putting brainwashing our son a few months ago, he's turning 9. Well my son told me he didn't want to live on a farm anymore & he would get to share a room there. Then said he has to much stuff here. There was something else but I forgot what it was. I have documented it. I knew that's what his dad talked him into thinking. Anyhow, my ex is back to his old games. Called the school worried if our son was ok. Then called my husband Monday & said some awful things to try to make my husband mad. He doesn't get mad though, he's passive aggressive lol For instants my ex said that I just wanted the $ (child supprort). My husband said "you & I both know I make more $ than you. Btw, the child support i get for our 2 kids is what most people get for one child. Lol my husband told him a few times that I would not let our son move. This is his home, where is school & friends are. Anyhow, my ex wrote me a 2 page letter telling me his concerns. The whole time I'm thinking whatever... Our son isn't old enough to decide what he wants. Oh btw, our 12 yr old is witnessing it all. She's heard them tell our son that he'll skip a grade if he lives with them & all kinds of stuff. My son can't tell me why he would want to move from here, just that he wants to live with his dad. I don want to separate him from his siblings. He gets good grades. I'm the one that has worked with him on his vision therapy for over 4 yrs. I drive 5 hours for a one hr appt. They are the best in the state.
I live for my kids & my ex has made life so hard for so long... You know we pay all medical even though his dad was supposed to have it on them. He hasn't done that since 2003. Then I have to do all transporting. We are 35 miles away. Then they have 2 hr Wednesday meals so I have to kill 2 hrs. Oh he pays 492 in child support monthly but gets 1/3 back at the end of the year cause he gets to claim them on taxes. My husband wants him to take us to court so maybe things will be fair, but it's never worked that way. For some reason the court system there is pro dad. I don't want to deal with the stress but not willing to give up my son. Now, when he is older & able to decide, then I may agree. But it's his dad playing head games. Also, he dated the letter. I know he was trying to be the good guy because he wants to show his letter to the court. I know I need to write him back. But saying he is playing head games with our child probably wouldn't be a good way of saying it...
I'm trying not to stress but don't know what to say. I know im not willing to let him go.
I've been trying to fill out child support papers to see if I could ask to claim the kids on taxes. But I'm lost & don't have any income now except whatextra I get from the rental house. Ugh

teeha 10-09-2011 05:08 PM

Re: Stressful situation, what would you do?
so the best way to say it in the letter is how a therapist would say it. Divorce is not about the children. Both parents love the kids, and should not speak bad about the other parent to the children. As this effects the kids and not the parents. OR something to that effect. I Had an X who played those games also. I am the one who took the kids for counseling and did the learninjg though. So I ended up getting away from him and having the kids also.

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