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So lost...

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Old 10-10-2011, 01:16 PM   #1
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: New York
Posts: 4
SleeplessQueens HB User
So lost...

I'm a man in his early 30s contemplating divorce of my wife after a year of having our civil marriage(half year after our church marriage), and after knowing each other for two years.

I know people will judge because we have not known each other long, but please try to see through that. When we met, I had gone through a horrible "relationship" with a woman who basically made me want to give up on relationships. My wife on the other hand was in the US on a temporary visa, and was looking to stay in the US permanently. Our relationship didn't develop out of her need for a green card though. We truly enjoyed each others company, and always had the most amazing time.

The last 8+ months we've had more arguments than I can count. I find myself always contemplating separating with her. She's said some horrible things to me, and me some horrible things to her.

Most recently, I've been extremely overworked with work and school. I asked her to have patience with me the rest of this year, because I know it will die down after December. We have sex maybe 1-2x a week. To be honest, it's a combination of me being busy a lot, and also having lost a bit of attraction for her. All the arguments have made me not want to be with her physically many times. Does anyone else experience this? Is it rare to lose attraction for someone?

Last week, she verbalized once again (probably the 20th time now), that we don't have enough sex, that she's not satisfied, etc, etc. She said I am lazy in bed and all that. I don't understand though. We've been doing better, and I've actually been making more of an effort. She said this to me two days after a day where we had good enjoyable sex. I was in bed sleeping because I had to wake up 5AM the next day and she woke me up to tell me that. I was so upset because of this. I told her that her telling me this is not going to help us, only being patient will. It doesn't make me feel like a man when she says things like "you either have very low sex drive or you don't find me attractive". It turns me off even more.

A few days ago on her birthday, she went irate over some materialistic things (long story). Point is, I couldn't believe she would be yelling at me because our phone carrier let me upgrade my phone and not her. I know, it sounds ridiculous. It was. We got into the biggest argument over it.

What I'm trying to say is, we argue about anything and everything. I am having trouble believing its her sometimes. I never thought she'd start arguments about things so insignificant at times.

I just don't know whether to call it quits or not. Is the sex going to get better? Doubtful. Will she stop complaining? Doubtful. I'm in my early 30s and can't imagine living the rest of my life like this. The other thing is, I'm just so ashamed at the thought of giving up on this so fast. My family flew from all over for our wedding. We spent a lot of money. People gave us a lot of money and sacrificed time and money for us, not 6 months after our church wedding, I can't stop myself from contemplating how to get out of this all.

Last edited by SleeplessQueens; 10-10-2011 at 01:18 PM.

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