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My issues hurt the person I loved the most.

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Old 07-15-2012, 12:31 PM   #1
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Portland, OR, USA
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SkiingGuy HB User
My issues hurt the person I loved the most.

Hello. I am not sure which subject to post this under, because I am dealing with many different aspects of my own personal struggle.

Here goes: I was with a woman for a year and a half. We did everything together, and we recently went on a life changing road trip. We have similar tastes in almost everything, and she's the only girl who is almost as cynical as me. Basically, I love her very much, and would do anything for her.
I have this problem though, I feel the need to flirt with other women, especially online. I masturbate VERY often also. I go after these women, get off thinking about them, and then i never want to have anything to do with them. I have been doing this for years, but I couldn't stop when I had a girlfriend. I have a very addictive personality, I went from marijuana, to alcohol, to harder stuff sometimes........Now I am realizing that I am facing some serious addiction issues, alcohol and sex being the worst.
My girlfriend and I had good sex, but not as often as she wanted, cause i was always pre occupied by masturbation or fantasies of other women. The real problem is, that i LOVED my girlfriend, more than I can even explain, but some kind of self destruct happens in my brain and I WANT these other things. I only want them tho, I never actually went out with any other girls in person. Anyway, i left my ******** logged onto her computer one day and she found a few conversations i Had with other girls. They weren't sexual in nature. But she knew I had been talking to other girls. She dumped me on the spot.
She is the sweetest girl in the world and my best friend. I hurt her, and I can't live with it, and I can't live without her. I have been crying randomly for days about nothing, drinking non stop, can't sleep, can't eat. I can't live with this guilt. I have thought about suicide, but I have too much more to live, and I could never do that to my family. I really just want to talk to someone, since I can't tell this to my friends because it is something no one but me knows about.
I just want my best friend back, and I want help fighting these demons that have ruined many many aspects of my life, put me in jail, and now caused me to hurt the one person I cared about most. Anyway. Thats my story.

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Old 07-25-2012, 12:16 PM   #2
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: USA
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toughgal012 HB Usertoughgal012 HB Usertoughgal012 HB User
Wink Re: My issues hurt the person I loved the most.

Hi, I think you need to think things through before you act. As the old saying goes, actions speak louder than words. Your ex girlfriend obviously felt hurt and betrayed after seeing the text messages. I think its more the fact that she didn't trust you to begin with or she wouldn't been snooping. You might have a fear of commitment and your level for spontaneous adventures is high, so you may want to focus on what you're really feeling before you act on it. I think the more we try to hide our quirks and addictions in life (especially the bad ones) that tends to over flow into our relationships causing heart ache and devastation. I know that you called the addiction a demon and I agree with you. Our demons can cause us to say and do things we will regret later on down the road. Take some time outdoors and get some fresh air that should help you. Has she contacted you since the break up. I trust that your life and relationships will become easier for you once you have conquered your demons.

Last edited by hb-mod; 07-25-2012 at 12:48 PM. Reason: spelling and adding on

Old 07-25-2012, 03:56 PM   #3
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Liberty, New York USA
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angel187 HB User
Re: My issues hurt the person I loved the most.

You stated that you have these "Demonds" How long have yu been dealing with this? Rome was not built in a day. Do you know what your triggers are? As well you stated you have been together for 1 1/2 yrs and she is just noticing this behavior? How have you hidden it? What are you willing to do to work on yourself? You can not work on this "Relationship" if ou cat work on yourself!

Old 10-02-2012, 07:51 PM   #4
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Re: My issues hurt the person I loved the most.

I think you need to focus on yourself right now and get some treatment. Try an ALANON meeting at the very least. You should try to impove your situation so you can show her that you are sincere.

Last edited by Suprdelight; 10-02-2012 at 07:52 PM.

Old 10-10-2012, 09:14 PM   #5
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Join Date: Oct 2012
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hopelessromance HB User
Re: My issues hurt the person I loved the most.

When I was looking for help for victims of domestic abuse i saw several groups of sexaholics. You should try it. You need to focus your effort on making yourself better for your girl.

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