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TNmanLost 07-21-2012 12:45 PM

Separation and just moving forward..
I was married, still am and only recently have separated after 19 years.
We have two children together, a son 10 and a little girl who is a devilish 5 in a very cute way. My wife is coming out of a period in her life when allergies had her basically to the point of being a shut in. She was going to NAET, then to an accupunturist. While she was going to this man and getting stuck with needles she was reading into things he was saying and has admitted that she had thought of having an affair with him. She was miserable with our relationship, and I could see it on her face. I asked her if she wanted me to leave and she said yes. See I know I had ignored her and hid from problems when she was mad or really depressed. I just don't know what to do. I love her but I don't know if she loves me, and she won't dare come close to saying it. Its tearing me apart and I don't know what to do.

SO I moved into my Mom's vacant home while she is in a nursing home, I live in an over crowded place with antiques that no one wants to come and look at to buy. Going to school again full time online. Paying all the bills for my mom and trying to do what is right for everyone.

I need advice please.

toughgal012 07-22-2012 02:17 AM

Re: Separation and just moving forward..
Hi, I am sorry you're going through a tough time. Sometimes, it just takes time and space to help us deal with our problems in our life situations. Your wife found a way to deal with her problems by letting go of the marriage which wasn't fair to you in my opinion. She may have responded with yes when you asked if she wanted you to leave in a hasty way. You were there for her and she let you down in several ways, which I think is wrong. I think you are doing the right thing by moving forward. Some people, such as your wife, hold their feelings in and don't know how to express themselves very well. Has she tried getting in contact with you since the seperation? Good luck making it through this difficult time.

TNmanLost 07-22-2012 08:32 AM

Re: Separation and just moving forward..
I talk to her cause we have kids but I will try to get a moment alone where I just ask her quietly, "Do you even miss me?" All I get back is her trying to hide her face with, " I don't want to talk about it," then walks away.
I used to have nightmares occasionally about something insignificant like trying to get someplace such as work, and never actually able to get there. Or dreams of going to sleep then getting up, going to work, then coming home and doing it all again in my dreams. But now I dream the replays of things she says or the way she looks when she doesn't want to see or talk to me.

TNmanLost 07-22-2012 08:34 AM

Re: Separation and just moving forward..
Just Lost in translation some where between damned if I do and damned if I don't.

toughgal012 07-22-2012 10:43 AM

Re: Separation and just moving forward..
Hi I forgot to say in my first post to be strong for your children too. Its tougg for kids to see that mom and dad aren't in harmony like they used to be. Even if there is no fighting between the two of you while you were living there, they still sense something isn't right. After 19 yrs of marriage it seems that you two would know each other like a book. Its good that you are opening up the lines of communication with her. Look her in the eye each chance you get and prompt her for an honest and clear response to your question. Has she always been vague and secretive when answering your questions. I think you two could benefit from counseling if she is willing to go. I hope I provided some insight into your situation. It is a struggle, but you will pull through.

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