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my husband moved out and wants a divorce

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Old 01-13-2013, 05:57 PM   #1
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Boone,Ia
Posts: 1
sarah555 HB User
my husband moved out and wants a divorce

My husband and I have been married for 3 years and we have been together for 8 years. We have a 7 year old son. He moved out last week and told me he wanted a divorce. We have had alot of turmoil in our marriage. The good times are wonderful but the bad times get heated. We have not maintained our marriage at all, our attention was always on something else. I went to school and my husband bought a business and these things consumed us and we put our marriage on the back burner. We started to argue a lot and we would talk about going to counseling but then things would get better and we didn't go. My husband said that he isn't in love with me anymore and that counseling is no longer an option for him. I am struggling with understanding how he can just walk away and not give it a second thought. I miss so many things but he said that there isn't anything that he misses. I just don't know where to go from here. He hasn't done anything to initiate a divorce and being in limbo is torturing
Any insight and advice would be appreciated!

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Old 01-15-2013, 12:54 AM   #2
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Las Cruces
Posts: 5
Darydien HB User
Wink Re: my husband moved out and wants a divorce

I am responding from experience on both sides of the fence, 6 divorces- so This might sound wacky a bit.
My guess is he's in a kind of limbo too. It's a lot of emotional stuff going on in his head as well as yours. His limbo is probably a trying to gain acceptance in his heart that some dreams are dying or dead. Sort of like knowing you'll never be the #1 baseball player or ballerina in the world, the myths take a while to die. 'Happily ever after' is a hard one to give up. Until he reaches his acceptance and moves on to 'putting away the baseball glove', you both are stuck in his limbo. The 1st question is whether this limbo time is from him trying to decide what he really wants or the time he needs to accept what he is trying to do. The 2nd question being-'What do you want to do?' Are you wanting to wait and see? Are you tired of limbo and willing/wanting to move forwards on your own? What are your goals? (read these as rhetorical, only you need to know what your answers are.)

Divorce or the 'Big D' word is scary. It's the bullet in the chest of what we are taught to value in the highest. My husband and I have outlawed the word in regards to communicating between us based on the ability to use the 'Big D' as a club-a form of blackmail/extortion. This agreement and a few others have been fabulous for keeping us together.-But they come from hard lessons learned the hard way with my hard head.

With no communication or ground rules set for arguments, and no willingness on his part to participate in counseling... you are stuck where I was a long time ago-2yrs of limbo waiting for papers that never arrived. I finally filed for divorce when I reached my point of no return.
Define your goals. Make sure that what you want is definitely what you are working towards. What can you achieve here realistically?
Decide how you are going to reach them. Step by step...don't leave gaps.
DO what you decided.

I wish you the best.

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