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So sad and confused

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Old 01-31-2013, 05:25 AM   #1
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Seattle, WA
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Burgieb HB User
So sad and confused

My husband announced a little over a week ago that he is "done trying" and wants to separate. We've had our issues but have only been married for 4 years and have only been in therapy together about 6 months. He was diagnosed with ADD about that time, too. We also have a 1 and 3 year old, and I am just so sad for them.

I don't know why my husband is doing this. I told him many times I think we should keep trying, but he says no. To my mind, there has been no deal breaker event (that I know of) - no cheating, no addiction, etc. I just don't understand how he could do this to our babies.

I am so sad. I'm trying to be strong for the kids (I was a stay at home mom so I am with them all the time as I look for a job). Their entire world is going to be flipped - dad gone, starting daycare, mom sad. They don't deserve this.

I am also worried for my husband, as he seems to have changed drastically and won't talk to me at all.

I just wish I understood.

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Old 01-31-2013, 08:39 PM   #2
Join Date: Nov 2006
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newlease HB User
Re: So sad and confused

Wish I had words to help you feel better. I am so sorry you have to go through this. It sounds like you really want to work on this and believe it can work.

From MY experience (what I've seen with several friends) when the spouse who does not want the divorce begs and pleads it causes the one who does to run and run fast.

You have let him know that you want to work on it and he says NO. I would encourage you to continue counseling yourself (ask family or friends for help with the money) and let him do his thing. Remember -- he knows you want to work on it.

If you let him go through whatever is going on, he will see that you are continuing your counseling and it will probably trigger something in him that will cause him to question if he is doing the right thing.

I am old fashioned and I believe that marriages can be saved. I believe that we all go through rough patches and at times think it should end. But, marriages will go through these-- again... I think it can be saved. Just work on you so you can be there for your children.

God Bless--

Old 02-14-2013, 08:40 AM   #3
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metalzombie HB Usermetalzombie HB Usermetalzombie HB Usermetalzombie HB Usermetalzombie HB User
Re: So sad and confused

I am sorry you are going through this. It's tough when both spouses aren't on the same page. The marriage will only work if both parties want it to work. I know you are looking for closure but you may never understand why. The main thing right now is to focus on what you need to do to care for yourself and your children. Take one day at a time.

Old 02-14-2013, 02:59 PM   #4
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Re: So sad and confused

So sorry about your predicament especially with having two young ones as well.
I agree with what has been said as to pleading with him to stay as he will only dig his heels in to do what HE wants to do.
There is also the fact that once he has gone on his way he will realise what he has lost and have second thoughts. Better for you to let things go, let him go his own way..selfish man that he is!....and try to relax and get on with your own life.
I do wish you well ..
All the world is mad except thee and me and even thee's a little odd!

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