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betty1623 03-07-2006 10:29 AM

Telling family child has downs
I am ashame to say but me and my husband have not told our family that our son has down yet. There is so much many problem in our family right now that we do not know how to do this. Our son does not have but a few charatrice of downs. He has a flat nose bridge and a little slant in one of his eyes. This is why noone has noticed anything.
I have a sister ( the apple of my parents eyes) who was tring to get pregnant the same time as me and my husband did. As the story goes she did not get pregnant and I did. Since then I have been the out cast. The whole time I was pregnant I was not allowed at my sisters because she could not handle seeing her pregnant. When I told my mom I was pregnant all she said was oh my god your sister is going to be upset have you told her? As they say out of sight out of mind. My parents do see my son every few weeks but my mom holds him for all of 2 min. and gives him back. I tried to talk to my mom 2 days ago saing that I do not understand why people in the family do not have anything to do with my son. He has not done anything to anyone and she hung up on us.
I sent my sister a picture of a little boy age 8 that was up for adoption and my mom said well she does not want to adopt a child from social service because there might be something wrong with the child why else would his parents give him away, she said mel was affraid he might be disabled or something.
My husband is tring to see if he can get a tranfered to another state so we can move away from my family. Right now I have a great resentment for them all and that is bad being that we use to all be close until you guess I got preg. and not my sister.

Any advice?


newjerseyguy 03-07-2006 01:28 PM

Re: Telling family child has downs
I would not spend one more minute worrying about why they are treating you this way. Spend the time on your beautiful new son. Let them be filled with whatever depressiona and hate they want. I understand it is your family, but I see things as black and white, and it is clear to me that they resent you. I've never heard of such a ridiculous thing as a relative keeping you "out of sight, out of mind". Life is too short Betty, start focusing on your own family. It quite obvious that at some point, they will regret their actions.. You can then determine how you want to proceed, for now, make them "out of sight, out of mind"

betty1623 03-07-2006 01:51 PM

Re: Telling family child has downs
Thanks for you support. This is the way I feel. That is why we want to move. I feel like they in a way do not deserve to get to know him. I keep telling them that they will be the loosers in the end.


Jaber 03-09-2006 12:45 PM

Re: Telling family child has downs
Hi Betty,
You sound heartbroken and to be honest with you, I think your husband's idea is the best one. Your parents and sister can't look beyond her individual situation, but they also choose to dwell on it, when they have a beautiful grandson/nephew they could be doting on.
Maybe moving away at least temporarily would be the best option, as time heals everything, and maybe by then, your parents will realize what they're missing.

vcarm106 03-31-2006 11:37 AM

Re: Telling family child has downs

It is sad that you don't have family support, it seems your family "specially" your sister are very selfish and ignorant. ALL children are god's blessing,regardless of where they came from or if they have dissabilities. Your sister needs to realize that children that are up for adoption are also a blessing and that she would be lucky if she can ever have the love of a child. What is wrong with your mom? Moving sounds good to me, your child needs to be around people who loves him no matter what, this is a tough world and if you can't count on your family for support then who? there is too much envy around you, keep all your energy on your beautiful son.

motherof3girls 04-12-2006 07:42 PM

Re: Telling family child has downs
I'm going to disagree with everyone. Yes, they sound very selfish and very distant from you, which is very sad to me, but I think you should tell them. You have nothing to lose. And maybe they will realize how selfish they are being. It might change everything. And the coment your mother made about your sister not wanting a child because there might be something wrong with it is somewhat natural. You never want something to be wrong with your child but when it's given to you, it's a whole different thing. Our daughter id the most treasured thing in our families lives. She is so special. Maybe they will think the same way. It's worth a try.


CTPedalPounder 05-06-2006 08:02 AM

Re: Telling family child has downs

Our situation is similar, my wife is the oldest (by 7 years) of two girls. Her sister is the 'favorite' but her parents would never agree. Jennifer has two boys (3 yrs old, and 19 months old). My in-laws are great people, but they have their quirks. They are very opinionated, and have a habit of not letting things go. For instance, my son (from a previous marriage) has had his fair share of problems - what teenager doesn't. We have learned to let go, give him another chance etc., but not them - they are letting it affect them, being 'short' with him etc. It is very obvious to us, but of course they would diasgree. Fortunately, my son doesn't seem to pick up on it.

My wife (39) and I tried for over a year to concieve, and thank God, we did - last April. Laureen had a quad screen at 16 weeks, and it indicated that there was a possibility that our son had down syndrom. After numerous level 2 ultra sounds (all of which did not indicate d/s) Laureen had an urgent C-section at 33 weeks and God blessed us with Stephen 3 lbs, 3 oz 16 inches long...the nurses in the NICU said about him "he's a small package, with a BIG attitude!"

To our utter disappointment, the Dr. indicated that Stephne 'might' have down syndrom, he had some very slight features, none of which could conclusively say he did or did not have d/s. They did the genetic testing on him and it came back positive - Stephen had trisomy 21. So we were going crazy, worring about how to tell Laureen's parents, knowing how they can be.

After talking with our former assistant pastor, who had a child with a genetic disorder, we understood that God had chosen us for a reason, and that He would not put anything in our path that we could not overcome. So we told her parents, and glory to God, they accepted Stephen with open arms. We pray that Stephen will be the driving force behind bringing her parents and sister to a personal relationship with Jesus.

Betty, please realize that God has chosen you and your husband also for this task. I would tell your parents and siblings the truth, and hopefully it will open their eyes. I do not believe in 'chance', God has a plan and a purpose for you and your family. Additionally, you can not control or are you responsible for your parents thoughts, feelings or emotions. Hopefully, they will embrace you, your husband and your miracle from God with open arms,.

My prayers are for you and your family. God bless and protect you.


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