Inappropriate Hugging

08-14-2002, 03:58 PM

Have any of you delt with this ? Stacey ( our 32 year old room mate ) is a very huggey person, and I have seen the issue mentioned in life training classes.

I just heard that she hugged her boss on what she believed was his birthday ( Birthdays are very big with Stacey, even if not everyone else ) and she woudn't let go after.

We also have experianced her hugging arriving guests at some one elses house party ( people she's never met ) and suggested she just introduce herself.

She also has asked Caryl and I to nap with her ( she has had a hysterectomy, so I believe such is in all innocence ) and wants to cuddle like my 4 year old daughter does with us. She comes
from a very affectionate family, and we are very affectionate with her as well, but she seems to keep finding borders to push.

Other than of course correcting her gently or side tracking her does anyone have suggestions ? Is this common ? I'm under the impression it is. Thoughts ? - Squeezed Jeff

08-15-2002, 03:38 PM

It's very common with Amy, with friends, strangers, especially people in the hospital or in wheelchairs. It's a real struggle to stop her from hugging someone in a wheelchair.
Mostly I take my cues from the person she's going after, and I try and keep it short, sidetracking her.
I think more and more, people seem to know what to expect from Down Syndrome people as they are out and about in the world, and I've glad.
Maybe practice having a count on how long a hug should be, you know? Like "Okay, Stacy. We hug to FIVE, -1, 2, 3, 4, 5! and hugs ALL DONE." Or when she won't let go, "OKAY! MY TURN!!" that she's supposed to hug you, and then sidetrack her. I have to do these things with Amy.
Peggy

08-15-2002, 03:54 PM

The count down and side tracking is a good idea. I am watching for it now when we're in new meeting situations. I did mention to her yesterday to say 'hi' to my daughter's new friend, not hug her. She's only 4 and I don't how she'd take.

On a more analytical take - I find it fascinating, it's almost like a DS cultural trait or something. I wonder if Stacey just craves touch sometimes.

Does your daughter try and climb in your lap sometimes ( or if she does, is that okay she being your daughter ) ?

Stacey has tried to with us. I think she wishes she was 4 years old sometimes. I kinda feel like that's the core person for her - all the rest is an ad on that is attached by bugee cords that always go back to' little Stacey ' - Jeff, who hugged Stacey when s he came home from work today

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08-15-2002, 04:38 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by dotenj:

On a more analytical take - I find it fascinating, it's almost like a DS cultural trait or something. I wonder if Stacey just craves touch sometimes.

Does your daughter try and climb in your lap sometimes ( or if she does, is that okay she being your daughter ) ?

ROFLMAO!! OMIGAWWWWWWWWWWD, YES!! AMY DOES!! LOL And NO!! It's NOT OKAY!! LOL SHE'S TOO HEAVY!!! I'm sorry, I don't mean to laugh, but you brought back the last time she PLOPPED herself down in my lap and I thought I'd POP!!!! I don't know what it is about Down Syndrome, but no matter how heavy they are, they FEEL HEAVIER!! I think it's because they're dead weight! I had to get a couple of my other daughters to help me get Amy OFF me because I could barely BREATHE!!! And Amy thought I was just joking!
So, on your question: is it okay because she's my daughter, maybe- if she was younger and not so heavy. LOL But now I tell her that she's a BIG girl and to sit BESIDE Mom or she'll hurt me!
The hugs and all, I think Amy, and maybe Stacy and all DS, I think they're just emotionally very immature. I don't think it's possible to teach them to act appropriately for their age, because emotionally, they just AREN'T their age, are they? So Hugs are always there for Amy. In fact, most friends and family members visiting here feel hurt if they don't get their hug from Amy before leaving.
Maybe we all don't get ENOUGH hugs, ya think?

Hugs
Peggy

08-23-2002, 03:21 PM

After reading your post, I found one thing that seems to be constant...Stacey seems to be trying to mimmick (sp?) your 4 year old daughter. In some ways thats ok, but in other ways it could be dangerous. For example: she may feel like your daughter is competition for your affection. I'm not saying that she would hurt your daughter, but I wouldn't close the door on that thought either. A way to help stop some of her behaviors when involving the things that your daughter does would be to turn the tables around...let Stacey be the role model. make her feel like she's important to your daughter. example: "No Stacey, don't sit in my lap, you're a big girl. you can sit next to me. Lets show (daughter's name) how to be a big girl when she grows up." I work with Children with Downsyndrome and that seems to be a good tactic when trying to get them to understand how to act appropriately.

~Jolene (a friend of Joann's

)

[This message has been edited by joann jennings (edited 08-23-2002).]

08-25-2002, 10:51 PM

[QUOTE]Originally posted by joann jennings:
[B]After reading your post, I found one thing that seems to be constant...Stacey seems to be trying to mimmick (sp?) your 4 year old daughter. In some ways thats ok, but in other ways it could be dangerous. For example: she may feel like your daughter is competition for your affection. I'm not saying that she would hurt your daughter, but I wouldn't close the door on that thought either. A way to help stop some of her behaviors when involving the things that your daughter does would be to turn the tables around...let Stacey be the role model. make her feel like she's important to your daughter. example: "No Stacey, don't sit in my lap, you're a big girl. you can sit next to me. Lets show (daughter's name) how to be a big girl when she grows up." I work with Children with Downsyndrome and that seems to be a good tactic when trying to get them to understand how to act appropriately.

~Jolene (a friend of Joann's

)

Thanks for the feedback. We really see no evidance that Stacey would ever hurt Julia ( not to say Julia hasn't wacked Stacey once or twice ) - Since posting this, we discovered that Stacey did have a bladder infection during the weirdest period of cuddle mania. Since then she's back to her regular self. I have learned though to say things like ' go meet Julia's new friend, but don't hug her, she doesn't know you yet.' That is similar to a party where I'll remind here, " Just introduce yourself, make friends first, then hug." That seems to be working.

As a real outsider and very to this, it really begs the question with me - do many people with DS crave affection, or morseo reasurance , and there fore they hug EVERYONE it seems. Just a thought - Jeff the hugged one. And darm proud of it.

08-26-2002, 07:02 PM

Jeff the hugged one....I have really enjoyed reading your posts about your room mate. I have a 18 yr. old sister that I have on weekends and regularly during the summer, she is great. Never dealt with hugging tho,. My own children are 3 and 4 and she loves to meet their friends and see things they do and go. In some ways her and my 4 year old are alot a like. She has taught them so much. They look forward to going to pick up AUNT JULIE. Would love to chat more about what Stacey does during the day and her relationship with your child.

[This message has been edited by moderator1 (edited 02-18-2003).]

Inappropriate Hugging

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