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I am a tired caregiver


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Old 03-21-2015, 07:45 AM   #1
sunshine61
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I am a tired caregiver

I have a daughter that is 27 with downs. I'm wondering if there is anyone out there feeling tired of it all. I love my daughter to pieces but am just feeling exhausted with all of her needs. All of the couples our age are empty nesters and traveling and rekindling there relationships. We are stuck getting a sitter just to go out for dinner. Don't mean to be a winer but I just wish things were different. I wish that for my daughter too. She knows she is different and life sucks for her even more than me.

 
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Old 03-21-2015, 06:02 PM   #2
sunshineTerri
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Re: I am a tired caregiver

Hi, yes I really understand what you are feeling when you say that you are tired. I have been there too and feel very overwhelmed with being a caregiver even though I love my child with all my heart.I was also a caregiver to my elderly parents for many years that has taken a tole on my own health. I always felt guilty thinking that I wanted to have a life like everyone else. I wanted to go out with my husband on a date but was unable to because people would not wanted to babysit and friends were few. We want to retire soon but still feel like we cannot travel or take some time for each other. What a strain this causes a marriage but I do what I have to do even when I wish I could have a different life. So I can really relate to how you feel when you say you are tired. Me too.

 
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Old 03-22-2015, 10:13 AM   #3
MomOfDownsAutis
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Re: I am a tired caregiver

Big hugs to sunshine61 and sunshineTerry too!! As a mom of a 22 year old Downs and Autistic son, who's had insomnia issues for the past 22 years, I understand your feelings. My son is like a 3-5 year old and needs 24/7 care and I am always cleaning up after him, especially in the toileting area. I just turned 51 and the years of sleepless nights really shows in my eyes. I too, love him with all my heart and do not have anyone to help relieve me of my duties except for occasional help from my hubby who is also exhausted from trying to support all of us on his income as a mechanic. Our friends are distant as my sons behaviors are typical of autism, but in a downs person it is a lot more severe.
Ok- that being said, this is how I've been lifting up my spirits. I'd love to travel too, but finances do not allow it so I found my passion in crafting (between caring for my son) and started a small online shop with Etsy where I have met people from all over the world. For me it's therapeutic creating things (I make archery quivers out of leather and small bags too) and it's like being in another world (besides caregiving) and the response I've received from my customers gives me a whole new meaning in life. Sometimes I get overwhelmed if I get too busy so I make sure my customers know what my #1 job is- my son. I've been doing this for 4 years now and it makes me feel good that I am helping to contribute to our household expenses, even if it's just a little- I feel like a person and not just a caregiver. The interaction I have with my customers online makes me look forward to each day.
If you can try to find a little time in-between-caregiving time, find something that you enjoy that's just for yourself. Who knows- you might find something that mentally takes you away (even for a little while) and gives you something to look forward to each day. I know it doesn't take the place of going on a trip or retiring and exploring the world, but it helps improve my outlook on life.
Do you have a Regional Center Worker that can help provide respite? I recently started using respite twice a week for 3 hours each day and found a caregiver that my son loves, who is also someone that I feel comfortable with. He is also a Christian which helps me to feel less worried while my son is in his care as I find my strength and comfort with Jesus. Without my faith, I would feel lost and have nothing to look forward to. The little time I get from respite is like a vacation for me. I can do whatever I want, even if it's just taking a nap!
As mom's of special needs adults, we can uplift each other and spread hope by sharing our feelings as there are other mom's out there with feelings of helplessness too. Just know that you are not alone as I send prayers to comfort you, even if you are a thousand miles away.

 
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Old 03-22-2015, 05:45 PM   #4
sunshine61
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Re: I am a tired caregiver

thank you both for replying. Its so nice to know I am not alone!

 
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