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derrickmac 03-01-2004 12:29 PM

Bulimia: Supporting Wife
 
My wife of two years has an eating disorder. Weíre both in our 20ís. I had heard rumors among her family of bulimia, but I didnít think much of it. After all she would have told me if she had a problem. Besides I didnít realize how bad the problem was. I was completely ignorant of the disease and still am in many ways, which is why Iím writing.

My wife returned from a four-week treatment program six weeks ago. So far so good. But it is something we have trouble talking about. She told me she doesnít want me to be the food police. She goes to OE meetings once a week so I know sheís talking to people there even if sheís not talking to me.

When she got home from treatment, I saw a pack of cigarettes in her purse and I asked her about them since neither of us smokes. I thought it was a legitimate question but she became very defensive, telling me they werenít hers and that they belonged to a friend she had met in the program. She threw them out. I didnít think any more of it.

A couple days later, I misplaced my car keys and went to her purse to use hers and I found three packs of cigarettes, one of which was open. I didnít use her keys. I looked for mine until I found them and I said nothing to my wife about the cigarettes because I get the feeling she doesnít want me to know sheís started smoking. I can only assume she picked up the habit at the treatment center and uses smoking to cope some how.

I donít like smoking. But I love my wife about a million times more than I dislike smoking and it is something I can live with, especially if its going to help her cope with the bulimia.

Should I tell her I know about the cigarettes or just continue pretending I donít know.

Thanks
Dmac

raindrop 03-01-2004 01:39 PM

Re: Bulimia: Supporting Wife
 
i think it would be useful to eventually start some kinda dialogue about the bulimia w/her and bring up the cigarettes at a later time, after you've hopefully gotten used to some casual, neutral talk about the ED...you're in a really tough spot but it's wonderful that you're so supportive & that your wife is getting treatment. i should mention that some of us w/EDs smoke 'cuz it keeps off a few pounds (not many, but a few), though. but still, if it somehow helps your wife overcome bulimia, it's probably ok...i really don't know which is worse physically/mentally in the long run!

even if you can definitely tell that she's been smoking, i think it would be a bad idea to make a big deal of it at this point...so i guess just keep doing what you've been doing and hopefully she'll open up to you more about the disorder. good luck to both of you!!

Dance4jc 03-01-2004 07:31 PM

Re: Bulimia: Supporting Wife
 
[COLOR=Indigo]Dmac,
Your wife is lucky to have you. Understanding an ED is complex. It takes on so many shapes and forms all depending on the person struggling with it, but I am glad you are doing your best to learn about the disease. I don't know if you have thought about talking to someone yourself, but it can help to have someone to talk with about how you are feeling as you are trying to support your wife.

Many of us have a hard time talking to those who love us about the ED because we are ashamed. Now don't think I am saying anyone makes us feel this way, but we just do. We are strong, smart women who on one level know that an ED is damaging, but on another level we have trouble stopping.

Now the smoking thing; I am sure your wife knows how you feel about smoking, so she probably feels like she is letting you down by doing it. Again, not that you make her feel that way, she probably just does. What I suggest you focus on is finding a way to continue to build on the way the two of you communicate. (also a hard thing for someone with an ED to do, again this is why I say you may look into talking to someone yourself)

Give her time, recovery is a LONG road. But it is one possible to walk. I have been recovered now for over 4 years, but it did not happen overnight. She did not develope her ED quickly and it will take some time to be free. Hang in there and keep us posted on how you and she are doing. [/COLOR]

:angel:

derrickmac 03-02-2004 06:15 AM

Re: Bulimia: Supporting Wife
 
Hey RainDrop and Dance4JC

Thanks for putting so much thought in to your replies. I didnít expect that but I got a lot out of it.

Dance4Jc said:

-------------------
ďUnderstanding an ED is complex. It takes on so many shapes and forms all depending on the person struggling with it, but I am glad you are doing your best to learn about the disease.Ē
--------------------


I am learning but Iíll never understand. That would be like me asking you to understand the death of a child if you never had a child that died. The most you could do is to accept that my child died. I think itís a cheeky for a person to say they understand what is beyond their comprehension.

I learn about my wifeís ED and I accept it. I support her efforts totally, but I cannot understand it (though I wish I could). I completely understand why people who share a condition flock together for support. I think its absolutely terrific that you are 4 years ahead of your ED.

-------------------
ďI don't know if you have thought about talking to someone yourself, but it can help to have someone to talk with about how you are feeling as you are trying to support your wife.Ē
-------------------


ďMe feeling?Ē My feelings are pretty simple. They donít need a lot of talking about because their mostly stated rather than discussed. I feel scared that Iíll lose her to this even though I think sheís doing wonderfully in the program. I feel guilty for not recognizing it earlier (My wife was great at hiding laxatives and purging and even smoking to a degree although I think she wants me to know about the cigarettes) I feel powerless to take ED away from her or completely understand it the way she does. I feel paranoid that sheíll think Iím ashamed of her when Iím not.

I donít see how it could help ďmeĒ to talk about my feelings because theyíre intangible and irrational.

Those cigarettes in her purse, the ones she hides and is ashamed of are the only tangible things I can deal with and she wonít let me. And Iím afraid of upsetting her by trying to talk to her about it.

-----------------------
ďMany of us have a hard time talking to those who love us about the ED because we are ashamed. Now don't think I am saying anyone makes us feel this way, but we just do. We are strong, smart women who on one level know that an ED is damaging, but on another level we have trouble stopping.Ē
----------------------


Again, I canít understand this but I can accept it. I know it happens. I recognize that she feels uncomfortable talking to me about her feelings because she sees me as different from her instead of just knowing that all I want to do is love and support her as she gets through it.

---------------------
ďNow the smoking thing; I am sure your wife knows how you feel about smoking, so she probably feels like she is letting you down by doing it. Again, not that you make her feel that way, she probably just does.Ē
------------------

This I hate. Not the smoking. I hate that she feels I wonít wholeheartedly accept and encourage something that will help her. Sheís not letting me down. If smoking helps her in any way then sheís giving me a great gift by helping her self. She got the idea that I would be disappointed by smoking because there was a time in our lives where I never expected either of us would smoke. It was such a non-issue. And thank you for realizing Iím bothered by her inability to let me accept her smoking rather than being bothered by the cigarettes them selves.


RainDrop said:
--------------------
ďi should mention that some of us w/EDs smoke 'cuz it keeps off a few pounds (not many, but a few), though. but still, if it somehow helps your wife overcome bulimia, it's probably ok...Ē
-----------------


Rain, I want to tell her its OK because it is and I want her to believe me. Getting her to believe is the hard thing. I donít know for sure, but I strongly assume sheíll think it will turn me off. Maybe it would have long before I fell in love with her- but not now. If any thing, I think it would turn me on because I would see it as a sign of strength not weakness. I donít know if that came out right, but I have so much respect for what sheís doing. And there is attraction in respect.

--------------------
ďeven if you can definitely tell that she's been smoking, i think it would be a bad idea to make a big deal of it at this point...so i guess just keep doing what you've been doing and hopefully she'll open up to you more about the disorder.Ē
---------------------



She puts a lot of effort in covering it up. Multiple showers, changing clothes, brushing her teeth and washing her hands. But yes I can still smell it and taste the remnants on her and Iíve never said any thing. Iíve read a great deal about nicotine addiction since this started and Iím 100% certain that sheís addicted and if it helps her cope with the bulimia then it is welcome in our life with open arms.

It just hurts me that this is one real, tangible, and specific thing that I can do for her to show my support and love, and I donít know how to go about doing it.

Thanks,
Derrick

Nikkita 03-02-2004 08:02 AM

Re: Bulimia: Supporting Wife
 
Derrickmac
I totally agree with the above posts. I know how difficult it is for someone to get their head round an ED.
are there any support groups for carers in your area?My hubbies going to give it a try. its very important you also have someone to talk to. Its very stressful to try and cope on your own.I know my hubbie visits our doc now and again just for a chat.It kind of gets to me a little how they will be talking about me but i understand he needs to unburden to someone and yes i feel at times hes almost too close to the situation to have a proper chat about it although we are making progress since hes learned loads about EDs.I purchased several books on EDs which we have both read together.It may help.
And i wouldnt make an issue out of the cigarettes right now.It seems you both have more pressing issues to deal with
Love nikkita

maggieday 03-02-2004 09:29 AM

Let her know you understand
 
Derrick, you sound like a wonderful husband. Iím certain your wife appreciates your love and support even if she seems distant at times. Please keep doing what youíre doing and things will make more sense to both of you in time.

As a bulimic and a smoker, I strongly suspect your wife is using cigarettes to help her cope with food and with the stress that comes along with ED. I also suspect as you do that she has become addicted to nicotine, so Iím glad to hear you will be accepting of this new part of your wifeís life.

I think the two of you need to get the cigarettes out in the open like the ED is. Nothing is ever resolved with secrets, shame or guilt.

You didnít mention the physical aspect of your relationship with her, nor would I have expected to you. But I will assume since you love her, the two of you feel an attraction for each other. Itís so important that the attraction continues once she becomes open about her smoking. Sheís almost certain to believe it will turn you off and that could lead to some devastating self-esteem issues. I suspect sheís also kept the addiction a secret from her friends and family and it will be up to you to boost her confidence and morale. People can be so petty and insulting about smoking. Protect her from these people as best you can.

If youíre searching for a way to bring it up without upsetting her, youíll need to be sure you do it in away that makes her believe you truly accept it as you say you do. Does your house have ashtrays? If not, buy some and place them in the rooms she normally frequents, including and especially in the bedroom.

Good luck Derrick, I hope youíll keep us posted.

Hugs,
Margie

derrickmac 03-02-2004 10:56 AM

Re: Bulimia: Supporting Wife
 
Thanks Margie!

I didnít realize we donít have ashtrays until I read your post. Thereís never been a need until now. Iíll buy some on the way home tonight. I guess that would go a ways toward letting her know Iím serious about supporting her.

----------------
You said:

ďItís so important that the attraction continues once she becomes open about her smoking. Sheís almost certain to believe it will turn you off and that could lead to some devastating self-esteem issues.Ē
----------------

I see what you mean.

Thanks,
Derrick

emily_1990 03-02-2004 12:48 PM

Re: Bulimia: Supporting Wife
 
i no im onli a kid and evrythin (im only 13) but i no that i keep some stuff that i do that makes me feel better (like for example making myself sick after eating) secret from everyone i know because then at the end of a really bad day where i've struggled i know i have that to look forward to and it feels like, i duno, its ten times better because no one else knows. maybe the smoking is just your wife's way of dealing with things then again maybe its nothin related to the ED. whatever it is it will all come out on its own and i wouldn't put her under any pressure right now.

hope you manage to sort things out
Emily x

Aurora 03-02-2004 02:03 PM

Re: Bulimia: Supporting Wife
 
Hiya Derrick,
I wanted to say you are coping really well. It is hard being in love with someone who splits their time between you and their ed. All you can do is to keep letting her know how special she is. And never get into the trap of commenting on any weight loss or gain. My husband is yet to learn how not to do this. I am anorexic and the other day he told me in a shocked voice that I was starting to look vile and skeletal and while he no way meant it for a compliment the anorexic part took it as such and then I also cried for hours because I thought he didn't love me any more. So you see how confusing any comment about weight can be.
It is also good for you to talk to someone. I have been grossly unfair to my husband and told him he mustn't talk about my ed with anyone. But the reality is that people need to talk. The reason I don't tell my partner about the depths I have sunk to in order to lose weight is because I am ashamed. I feel so disgusting knowing what I do, fasting, purging, diet pills, etc. He only knows the half of it and he finds that disturbing enough. But its also a protective mechanism, I really don't want him to hurt about this stuff. Maybe thats part of the reason your wife is not talking to you much about it.
Also, maybe she feels a little regret for letting people know. While she may appreciate the fact that she needs help, there will still be a part that longs to keep her bulimia. It is what she knows best, and it is very hard to let that go. It is her security blanket, and although she knows this particular blanket is gonna suffocate her, it doesn't stop her wanting it. By letting you know of her bulimia she has instantly made her ed life very difficult unless you are out or something. This is very difficult to deal with. Once I told my husband about my anorexia I knew I had lost my ability to pretend I was too stressed/sick/tired/upset/etc to eat. Or the ability to pretend I ate on the way home, or any of my other favourite excuses. Part of me regrets telling him because now its so much harder to get away with it.
The smoking is probably a displacement, many people trade addictions for a while. Some go from bulimia to anorexia, or start to self harm. Some turn to drugs, or alcohol, or smoking. Its all an attempt to control the feelings.
I wish you the very best of luck, both of you.
Hugs from Aurora xoxo :wave:

raindrop 03-02-2004 07:18 PM

Re: Bulimia: Supporting Wife
 
hi derrickmac, i just wanted to add a few things...

aurora mentioned how she felt that she'd been "grossly unfair" to her husband sometimes & i feel that way a lot about the people i love, too--that i'm hurting them by my actions. w/my ED, i have all this anger, frustration, & shame inside me that's totally directed at myself and no one else, just myself--i blame myself for things like when i can't stick to a healthy eating schedule, & sometimes i just pour my frustration out on others, which is unfortunately the people i love the most since i'm w/them a lot. it's a struggle within my mind that manifests itself in irration w/others over the stupidest things. so you might know this already, but i wanted to let you know that if your wife ever seems really upset over something small, chances are she's not angry w/you but just releasing some frustration. i really wanted to make sure you knew this, because i can see how hurt & confused my loved ones are when i'm behaving badly!

take care & good luck! i truly admire and am actually humbled by your devotion to your wife. it's love in its truest sense.

:angel:

derrickmac 03-03-2004 06:07 AM

Re: Bulimia: Supporting Wife
 
You know its funny, but its not. Most of you ladies talk about what you did to your husbandís and families. How you distanced your selves by behavior, that you werenít fair to him or them. You recognize similar behaviors in my wife even though sheís never posted here (I donít think).

So many of you have commended me for supporting my wife.

Sorry folks. I donít get it. You are the ones fighting the battle. Sure it hurts me to see my wife in her battle and in her pain. But I donít take it personally when she says or behaves in a way that might not be nice- but I know where its coming from and its not because of me.

Geez. I have so much respect for all of you and my wife for going through this like you are. I donít respect me for cheering her on. Sheís the one doing all the work. Youíre the ones doing all the work.

I saw this show on TV a long time ago. It was a rerun movie of the week or something. But the wife got breast cancer and got a mastectomy. And then the show focused on her shiftless husband- about how he felt about having a ďdamagedĒ wife, cause you know he saw her differently. She wasnít symmetric any more. And the wife consoled her husband instead of the other way around.

So please, wish my wife well, give me good advice, slap me when Iím insensitive, tell me when Iíve done a good action or made a mistake that needs to be quickly rectified. But donít pat me on the back for being supportive. That would be like commending me for breathing. Iím supposed to do that by instinct.

I should talk and share feelings with other people about this? I do. Iíve shared with you all and youíve helped me tremendously. I snoop around a lot of ED groups and sometimes I even post something to get off my chest- like I did here, and it helped.

No, my wife doesnít like to talk about the condition because it does embarrass her. Yes, sheís gotten irritable because its no longer a secret and she canít hide it any more. I imagine there would be a lot of guilt involved going off the program now that others know there is a program.

Iím a little feisty this morning because my wife opened up to me some last night when I brought home the ashtrays and confronted her about her smoking.

Itís a lot different reading about this condition anonymously than it is hearing someone you know and love express it in person.

I had no idea about the extent of the internal conflict. And its not food. Food is just the bullet. Iím overwhelmed by her self-esteem issues. My wife is a beautiful woman. Sheís sweet and kind and cares about other people. Last night I truly understood that she does not see her self the way I see her.

She described her feelings of unworthiness as a pain and food was the medicine. And the medicine is an over dose and she purges to pump her stomach of the foul medicine. Of course its more complex than that. You know, but Iím still learning.

Iím emotional because I donít like seeing my wife in pain or feeling ashamed.

Every thing is such a double-edged sword. Food is good because its necessary. Food is bad because she abuses it. Iím good but Iím bad because she feels sheís disappointed me and I deserve someone better. Skinny is good but skinny kills. Cigarettes are good because she can smoke instead of eat and they metabolize her but theyíre bad because of the TV commercials that drive public sentiment against it and then her. Iíll get to the cigarettes more in a moment.

----------------
Aurora warned: ďAll you can do is to keep letting her know how special she is. And never get into the trap of commenting on any weight loss or gain.Ē
----------

Wow! Thatís hard. Iíve read about it. Iíve heard about it. Every positive thing I have to say to her cannot be related to weight or her body. Stick to her eyes, her hair, her smile, her good deeds, and selfless acts.

My wife is not a table lamp. Sheís a woman and I think she looks great. Iím sexually attracted her. Yet, I have to find a more appropriate way of telling her I find her attractive.

OK, so let me spill what happened last night over the big smoking confrontation. But Iíll put that in another post because I know this one is long enough.

derrickmac 03-03-2004 07:42 AM

Re: Bulimia: Supporting Wife
 
Last night on the way home, I took Margieís advice and bought some ashtrays. I also bought a pack of cigarettes for her, the brand I saw in her purse.

I got home. She sees the stuff and asks what itís about. I tell her I know she smokes. She tells me she doesnít want to talk about it. I tell her that I do want to talk about it, and that Iím not mad, and its OK, but we still need to talk.

She just breaks down completely and is all tears and sobs and telling me how sorry she is and what an awful person she is and how she tried to quit but she couldnít do it. She told me that it was keeping her from eating too much and when she went too long without smoking, she wanted to eat every thing in sight.

I knew this was a big deal when I first posted about it. I could just tell from her reaction that something about it was really bothering her.

She has so much guilt over this. And it runs so deep. Itís about food and its about not purging but I swear it has a lot to do with the way she feels about her self.

She told me stories about when she was a little girl and about how she thought smoking was so feminine and sexy, sophisticated and attractive. But it was also a bad girl thing, so she didnít do it. She kept talking about all the actresses and models that look so thin and glamorous and how they all smoke and how beautiful they are.

She told me she always wanted to smoke when she was a little girl like the actresses and the models. She wanted to be glamorous like them but she didnít because she wanted to be a good girl, but the temptation and the desire were too much so she tried and she liked it.

This happened when she was 14. She was a little pudgy, but the weight started coming off with the smoking. She said she was feeling good about her self. She said she felt beautiful. But she hid it because her parents would have a fit. I guess her weight issues go back a long time.

Hey, her parents caught her. She was right. They had a fit and a whole lot more. They said things to her that no parent should ever say to their child. They made her feel like ****. But they saved her from smoking.

She started in shame and she quit in shame. She gained weight. She dieted. She purged. She hid it all, but by God she didnít smoke for her parents. And she didnít smoke for me.

She honestly doesnít believe sheís attractive to me. This is so messed up if Iím understanding her right and I know I am because I listened to her. Its like the double edged sword I was talking about where she feels damned if she does and damned if she doesnít.

She said sheís beautiful when she smokes but sheís ugly to me. And she doesnít want to smoke because she loves me and she doesnít want me to live in her ďstinkĒ. It doesnít stink to me and I told her that. Nothing she does could ever ďstinkĒ to me. Every thing she is looks beautiful to me.

She smoked in front of me last night but only because I insisted. Sheís convinced I think sheís ugly when she smokes and it turns me off. She thinks Iíll die from her second hand smoke (give me a break). She thinks all her family and friends will hate her if they find out.

Iím not a psychiatrist or an expert on ED, but I know my wife and I know me.

This to me is both a physical and a mental issue. Hey, my wife started smoking again because she honestly wants to quit overeating and purging. It helps her cope with the bulimia and apparently it works for her. Oh no. Sheís addicted to them. So what? Sheís addicted to something that may or may not kill her. But one thing is certain, bulimia will kill her if she canít control it.

Its mental because sheís carrying around messed up thinking from her youth. And oh yeah, her well meaning parents really contributed to that. But she loves them, and she doesnít want to break their hearts by letting them know she smokes. Sheíd rather them bury a ďgoodĒ non-smoking daughter than learn to accept her as bulimic that smokes and has her ED in check.

Itís mental because smoking was sexy in her youthful mind but evil and disgusting in her adult bulimic mind- even if it helps her.

She wants to be attractive to me (she is!). I canít convince her that smoking in no way makes her unattractive to me.

I canít say her body looks good because thatís not appropriate. So why canít I tell her what she wanted to hear in her youth. Hey Honey, you look great when you smoke. It turns me on. Wouldnít that help her self-esteem? Hey, sheís going to do it any way. I donít want her to feel guilty about it. That canít help things.

But how can I get her to believe me and feel good about her self. She has agreed to smoke in the house and in front of me because she admits sheís addicted and canít quit and because it helps her cope with food. But she wonít agree to feel good about it or believe I can be attracted to her if she smokes.

I havenít kissed her since yesterday morning and its not because I donít want to. She wonít let me. She thinks Iíll be disgusted by her smoky breath.

This is what I want and how I feel. I genuinely want her to smoke because it helps her physically. I want her to smoke because I love her and I accept her and I get a very strong feeling sheís not going to quit (and she doesnít have to- not for me). Yes, its weird seeing her smoke. Iím not used to it. She seems like a different person to me. But I donít think its bad. Heck, in some ways its kind of cool, because Iím seeing a part of what is probably her real self, the person she wanted to be before her parents made her ashamed of that person. Iíve never kissed a real smoker. I donít know what Iím going to think if she ever lets me kiss her again. But how bad can it be? Maybe Iíll even like it. Regardless, Iíll get used to it.

I canít help but think this is a huge opportunity to feel good about her self, the way she thinks about her self, and it will help her cope with ED at the same time. Iím not immune to romance. Iíve seen movies where a couple makes love and has a cigarette. Just because I donít smoke doesnít mean I canít see the romance in it. I just donít know how to how to convince her that I want this and its OK for her to want this too and that itís a good thing.

This is the one time Iíve ever felt I was in a position to do something positive for her instead of hanging on the sidelines and cheering her on. I donít want to waste this chance.

Thanks,
Derrick

maggieday 03-03-2004 08:52 AM

Re: Bulimia: Supporting Wife
 
Hi Derrick,

I donít know what to say. Iím glad you thought enough of my advice to act on it but I canít help think it might have been better to take your time and let it come out on its own like everyone else suggested. So I feel kind of responsible. Iím sorry. I can see how much this is troubling you and your wife.

You said you didnít want a pat on the back for supporting your wife, but Iím impressed and touched by your commitment. Where were you when I was a batchlorette? Your wife is a lucky woman Derrick.

Iím not a psychiatrist either, but I can identify with your wifeís feelings about smoking. It sounds like she had a traumatic experience with it when she was younger. Every thing she described to you rang a bell with me. Actresses and models have a big impact on young girls- old girls like me too.

I think itís absolutely wonderful that youíre being so understanding and supportive with your wifeís smoking. And its good that you understand itís physical addiction that she has very little control of. I feel bad admitting this, but I agree with your wife that it is beneficial to her ED. I would never encourage anyone to start, but since she has, she might as well get something good out of it, be it physical, emotional or self-esteem or hopefully all of them.

You asked how you can ease her guilt, make her comfortable with what has happened, and get her to believe you are attracted to her as a smoker.

Every thing she believes about her self will be based on your words and actions. It may not happen over night, but hopefully youíll have a lifetime together to work it out.

For Godís sake, donít make an ugly face when you kiss her. She will be looking at you for a response and if she sees a negative look it will convince her she has every reason not to believe you.

If she associated smoking with sex appeal and glamour when she was a girl, somewhere in her adult mind she still has this association, but its covered with guilt. Donít patronize her with obvious comments that sheíll see through. Like donít say, Honey you look beautiful holding that cigarette. Try talking to her and complimenting her while sheís smoking without mentioning the cigarette. You might tell compliment her smile and or say she looks nice. Light her cigarettes for her. Thatís like opening a door for a lady. Women love that. I wish my husband would do it for me.

You said she hasnít kissed you since yesterday. Sheíll be afraid. Donít rush it. Touch her hand. Kiss her cheek. Lead up to it without scaring her because sheís already scared. Eventually sheíll become less stressed about smoking in front of you and may even come to enjoy it.

I envy her and I admire you. The two of you will do fine.

Love,
Margie

Dance4jc 03-03-2004 09:17 AM

Re: Bulimia: Supporting Wife
 
[COLOR=Indigo]Derrick,
You are doing a wonderful job, but I hear an urgency in your posts that seem to have you a bit frustrated. You can't make things better overnight. I know you want your wife to believe what you say, but realize that this sort of thing takes time. Her self esteem was not crushed just in that one converstaion with her parents, I am sure at the heart of it there were many things that brought her to that place and it is going to take many words and actions of encouragement to bring it back to a healthy level.

You don't want to end up smoothering your wife with your good intentions. Margie is right, don't rush her on the kissing issue, think about the things you did when the two of you were first dating that lead up to your kisses and realize in some ways you are kind of back there again. The two of you have a whole lot of rediscovering to do with one another as you begin to get to know the "whole" her with the ED and all and she begins to see that you really are as great as she was hoping for you to be.

Take it slow and steady, this is only the begining of her recovery and there are bound to be set backs.

Take care [/COLOR] :angel:

Aurora 03-03-2004 10:48 PM

Re: Bulimia: Supporting Wife
 
Hiya Derrick,
You seem so eager to let your wife know it is ok, that you love her unconditionally so I have a suggestion. How about letting her see what you have been writing? You can say it was my suggestion so she doesn't think it was staged. If I saw my husband had written such amazing things about me I am sure I would be pretty choked up by it. Just a thought.
Best of luck to you both.
Aurora xoxo
:wave:


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