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    Old 08-05-2004, 10:19 PM   #1
    Essex
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    Post Adults with eating disorders....are you out there??

    I come to this site and read the posts and occasionally I see something relevant to the stage I am at in my eating disorder and my life, but most of the time I find posts from girls just starting out. I know there are lots of us out there who haven't just started and aren't trying to one up our friends with thinness or who are worried about the what's causing this minor ache or pain in our bodies. We know we have a serious illness because we have been living with for a good part of our lives, we know the health side effects we have... there is no question why our throats hurt in the morning or why our blood pressure is soooo low. We are dying slowly and we are doing it to ourselves.
    I know I am seriously ill and I need help to stop this disorder from taking me, but I also know I am not ready to give it up. It gets me through the times when the deadlines are creeping up on me at work, when the relationships arent going well, when its hard to pay the bills, well when anything is running completely smoothly. It keeps me from being just like everyone else, I never get to experience life, as my e.d. keeps me locked away inside, never feeling the stressors of everyday life. How can I make it without my e.d.? How would I deal with stress? I don't even know what stress feels like. How would I fill my time if I wasn't thinking about something related to my e.d.? I ask myself how can I live without and how can I live with it? I hate taking all the supplements and working out all the time (i just want a day off, please!!!), I want to not be in pain all the time. I don't want to be dizzy when I stand up or have constant muscle cramping. I don't my doctors/family/friends looking at me that way anymore or constantly asking me if i am getting the help i need. I don't want to keep coming up with ways to keep on doing what I am doing, while trying to hold back the inevitable destruction of my body. I want a day when I dont think about it, then I want a week, a month, a year. I want to be free of it and all the pain it causes. I hate it, but I will not give it up.
    I know I didn't think like this when it first started, not even for the first year, or the first five years, or more. You don't know what your e.d. really is then, you don't know it's all consuming power over you and every aspect of your life. You don't know it actually has very little to do with wanting to be thin or liked by your peers.
    Sorry for the long post, but I know there are others out there who understand and feel the same way. I think some times we are just under represented out there, but we are here. out of school and trying to live lives with our eating disorders and facing problems that a high schooler just couldn't comprehend. No offense to the high schoolers intended.

     
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    Old 08-06-2004, 09:33 AM   #2
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    Re: Adults with eating disorders....are you out there??

    Hi
    Well I used my ED very much the same way you described. When I was sad and did not want to feel. When work had me overwhelmed and I needed a realase. When the pain of not being in a realationship reared its head I ran to my other relationship my ED. It took up much of my time so I did not have spare time to "feel" the things of life I was supposed to feel. I did not feel the grief when my father died or again when my mother died. Oh I cried, but I did not grieve, I starved then purged instead. Anything to keep myself in a state of non-emotion.

    So I do understand where you are coming from. I also understand wanting and not wanting help. For me the wanting help had to finally out weigh the not. And once it did I began to seek the help I needed. It was hard, scary and one of the greatest things I have ever done for myself. I had forgotten what life is really supposed to be about. I had forgotten that there was so much more than food/starving/exercising.

    Please continue to post and know that you are not alone. I understand and I hope one day soon you will be ready to start a new chapter of your life. You are worth it!!
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    Old 08-06-2004, 02:17 PM   #3
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    Re: Adults with eating disorders....are you out there??

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Essex
    I come to this site and read the posts and occasionally I see something relevant to the stage I am at in my eating disorder and my life, but most of the time I find posts from girls just starting out. I know there are lots of us out there who haven't just started and aren't trying to one up our friends with thinness or who are worried about the what's causing this minor ache or pain in our bodies. We know we have a serious illness because we have been living with for a good part of our lives, we know the health side effects we have... there is no question why our throats hurt in the morning or why our blood pressure is soooo low. We are dying slowly and we are doing it to ourselves.
    I know I am seriously ill and I need help to stop this disorder from taking me, but I also know I am not ready to give it up. It gets me through the times when the deadlines are creeping up on me at work, when the relationships arent going well, when its hard to pay the bills, well when anything is running completely smoothly. It keeps me from being just like everyone else, I never get to experience life, as my e.d. keeps me locked away inside, never feeling the stressors of everyday life. How can I make it without my e.d.? How would I deal with stress? I don't even know what stress feels like. How would I fill my time if I wasn't thinking about something related to my e.d.? I ask myself how can I live without and how can I live with it? I hate taking all the supplements and working out all the time (i just want a day off, please!!!), I want to not be in pain all the time. I don't want to be dizzy when I stand up or have constant muscle cramping. I don't my doctors/family/friends looking at me that way anymore or constantly asking me if i am getting the help i need. I don't want to keep coming up with ways to keep on doing what I am doing, while trying to hold back the inevitable destruction of my body. I want a day when I dont think about it, then I want a week, a month, a year. I want to be free of it and all the pain it causes. I hate it, but I will not give it up.
    I know I didn't think like this when it first started, not even for the first year, or the first five years, or more. You don't know what your e.d. really is then, you don't know it's all consuming power over you and every aspect of your life. You don't know it actually has very little to do with wanting to be thin or liked by your peers.
    Sorry for the long post, but I know there are others out there who understand and feel the same way. I think some times we are just under represented out there, but we are here. out of school and trying to live lives with our eating disorders and facing problems that a high schooler just couldn't comprehend. No offense to the high schoolers intended.

    Hi Essex!

    I am middle-aged and have battled weight problems ALL my life. While I don't have your type of ed (I'm a..gulp..compulsive overeater) I have suffered with this a LOT....and it wasn't that long ago I discovered that I had an ed. I often feel odd-man-out because I'm not painfully thin...but I am painfully fat.

    So, I just wanted you to know that eds know no specific age group. That we suffer from eating disorders, period, keeps us all in the same boat, even if we are on different decks.

    Hugs!

    Charly

     
    Old 08-06-2004, 07:21 PM   #4
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    Re: Adults with eating disorders....are you out there??

    Hey Essex,

    I sooo know what you mean about being older with an ED. I'm 38 soon to be 39. Been bulimic since '87. I'm married w/2 children and I know all about the day to day stressors that can become triggers. If you EVER want to talk about it...come find me...I'm here a couple of times a day although I rarely post. But in your case it yelled out to me. You're not alone in this kiddo...and it's nice for me to know that I'm not either. I think you'll find this a very helpful place to come to. I know it is for me. Well, I'll be thinking of ya' and just give a yell when it gets too tough....
    Love,
    Strega

     
    Old 08-06-2004, 11:15 PM   #5
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    Re: Adults with eating disorders....are you out there??

    Another adult here. I'll be 40 next month. My goal was to be thin before I hit 40, and I can definitely say I've done that. Boy, when I jump into something, I guess I can't be accused of doing it half-assed. LOL

    Char, I've been reading some of your other posts and noticed we have a lot in common. I rarely left the house when I was heavy. I was so disgusted with myself that I had a really hard time talking to people when I did go out. I couldn't even ask a clerk for help at a store. I had to have hubby do it for me. I had my gall bladder taken out when I was 26, so there is hope for you getting your metabolism back on track. Drinking lots of water is one of the best things you can do. Keeping yourself hydrated will help speed it up.

    Also, just like you, I was a binge eater and ice cream was my greatest weakness. I never ate much during the day, but I'd chow down big time at dinner, and then for the rest of the night. Usually it was ice cream, but if there was no ice cream in the house, chocolate cake, doughnuts or Little Debbies would suffice...so long as I was getting my sugar fix.

    You know, I didn't even realize it until I read some of your posts, but I exchanged one ED for another. I guess you hear more about anorexia and bulimia than you do binge eating. Obviously, I still have a lot to learn.

     
    Old 08-07-2004, 04:00 PM   #6
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    Re: Adults with eating disorders....are you out there??

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Celtic Lady
    Another adult here. I'll be 40 next month. My goal was to be thin before I hit 40, and I can definitely say I've done that. Boy, when I jump into something, I guess I can't be accused of doing it half-assed. LOL

    Char, I've been reading some of your other posts and noticed we have a lot in common. I rarely left the house when I was heavy. I was so disgusted with myself that I had a really hard time talking to people when I did go out. I couldn't even ask a clerk for help at a store. I had to have hubby do it for me. I had my gall bladder taken out when I was 26, so there is hope for you getting your metabolism back on track. Drinking lots of water is one of the best things you can do. Keeping yourself hydrated will help speed it up.

    Also, just like you, I was a binge eater and ice cream was my greatest weakness. I never ate much during the day, but I'd chow down big time at dinner, and then for the rest of the night. Usually it was ice cream, but if there was no ice cream in the house, chocolate cake, doughnuts or Little Debbies would suffice...so long as I was getting my sugar fix.

    You know, I didn't even realize it until I read some of your posts, but I exchanged one ED for another. I guess you hear more about anorexia and bulimia than you do binge eating. Obviously, I still have a lot to learn.

    Hi CL -

    Well, we DID have something in common, anyway! I know this will sound simply awful....but I would almost give anything to be where you're at now. But since you used to be heavy, I'm hoping you can understand why I say that.
    I'm still in the self-loathing stage....angry I that I did this to myself and seemingly unable to break off this love affair with food, particularly night food. I guess you noted that I CAN'T each much during the day w/o becoming nauseated. It's the strangest thing! I do drink plenty of water but it doesn't seem to make much difference, unfortunately. Because of decades of yo-yoing I've pretty much annihilated my matabolism, and then added a digestive problem to the mix.

    Can I ask you something? Well, a couple, 3 things, actually! What finally motivated you into losing? And do you mind if I ask how much you lost, total? And HOW did you lose the weight - any particular diet, or diet aids? I have actually thought of stomach-stapling, or the band. Hypnotherapy is next, but I honestly am not holding out much hope for anything at this point. I feel doomed to be obese......

    Oddly enough, with me, it's more about chocolate, and the darker the better. never been too fond of anything really sweet...it's the chocolate...always the chocolate.

    You're right - most people don't associate overeaters/bingers as eating disordered, because we're typically fat, so we're typically not thought of as in the same category as, say, anorexics, and for obvious reasons. But ours is pretty horrendous, too.

    Thanks for posting!

    Char

     
    Old 08-09-2004, 12:02 AM   #7
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    Re: Adults with eating disorders....are you out there??

    Hi Char,

    I didn't get a chance to come here tonight until very late. As I mentioned in my first post, I've studied herbs and nutrition for a very long time. Not professionally, but I've learned a lot on my own. There are a lot of things I can share with you that I think could help. I think it would be worth a try before you have to resort to surgery. I'll be online earlier tomorrow night and I'll start typing out some of the stuff for you. I'll answer your questions tomorrow night too, and I'll be happy to help and support you, because I DO understand how it feels to be "painfully fat" as you called it on another thread. I had years of yo-yo dieting too, but if you get your whole body healthy, you can do it. If you could make a list of what health problems you're having due to the excess weight, that would help also.

    Take care,
    CL

     
    Old 08-09-2004, 05:02 AM   #8
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    Re: Adults with eating disorders....are you out there??

    I'm 27 and still struggling with an ED. I was diognosed with Bulimia when I was 19, but at the moment I am struggling with COE. Oh and I also have an alcohol problem. It's fun being me.

     
    Old 08-09-2004, 07:54 AM   #9
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    Re: Adults with eating disorders....are you out there??

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Celtic Lady
    Hi Char,

    I didn't get a chance to come here tonight until very late. As I mentioned in my first post, I've studied herbs and nutrition for a very long time. Not professionally, but I've learned a lot on my own. There are a lot of things I can share with you that I think could help. I think it would be worth a try before you have to resort to surgery. I'll be online earlier tomorrow night and I'll start typing out some of the stuff for you. I'll answer your questions tomorrow night too, and I'll be happy to help and support you, because I DO understand how it feels to be "painfully fat" as you called it on another thread. I had years of yo-yo dieting too, but if you get your whole body healthy, you can do it. If you could make a list of what health problems you're having due to the excess weight, that would help also.

    Take care,
    CL

    Hi CL -

    Thank you so much! Well, oddly enough, the majority of my health problems aren't due to the weight...I don't have diabetes or high BP, (amazingly) for example. I do have: fibromyalgia, degenerative disk disease in C and T spine, stiff neck, chronic pain, chronic bilateral sacroiliitis, scoliosis, migraines, (not due to chocolate, tho!) MVP, GAD, and depression. I take Lexapro, Ativan, Klonipin, Flexeril, and Tylenol 3. Quite a mess, aaay??

    How are YOU doing?

    Hugs
    Char

     
    Old 08-09-2004, 03:17 PM   #10
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    Re: Adults with eating disorders....are you out there??

    Hi there. I am 31 and have been hosptiatlized for ED. I have come along way and have maintained a weight of 110lbs on my 5'1'' frame for over a year and a half. I still need therapy. I will always be recovering. Essex, you can get better. have you sought therapy. It is going to take hard work and until you are ready to committ to the time and energy then you will feel the way you do. But, you must be ready.
    i have lost many teeth due to erosion and have many crowns. It saddens me to know that I have let those little demons in my head get thebest of me. Believe me, i've come along way but some days are harder than others.
    hugs to you!
    RP

     
    Old 08-09-2004, 10:49 PM   #11
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    Re: Adults with eating disorders....are you out there??

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Charlyssa
    Hi CL -

    Well, we DID have something in common, anyway! I know this will sound simply awful....but I would almost give anything to be where you're at now. But since you used to be heavy, I'm hoping you can understand why I say that.
    I'm still in the self-loathing stage....angry I that I did this to myself and seemingly unable to break off this love affair with food, particularly night food. I guess you noted that I CAN'T each much during the day w/o becoming nauseated. It's the strangest thing! I do drink plenty of water but it doesn't seem to make much difference, unfortunately. Because of decades of yo-yoing I've pretty much annihilated my matabolism, and then added a digestive problem to the mix.

    Can I ask you something? Well, a couple, 3 things, actually! What finally motivated you into losing? And do you mind if I ask how much you lost, total? And HOW did you lose the weight - any particular diet, or diet aids? I have actually thought of stomach-stapling, or the band. Hypnotherapy is next, but I honestly am not holding out much hope for anything at this point. I feel doomed to be obese......

    Oddly enough, with me, it's more about chocolate, and the darker the better. never been too fond of anything really sweet...it's the chocolate...always the chocolate.

    You're right - most people don't associate overeaters/bingers as eating disordered, because we're typically fat, so we're typically not thought of as in the same category as, say, anorexics, and for obvious reasons. But ours is pretty horrendous, too.

    Thanks for posting!

    Char

    Hey again..

    You asked me what finally motivated me to lose weight, and I'd have to say more than anything it was my health. I was so sickl from my kidneys that I had to hang on to things just to walk across the floor. Even before that, I was tired of having back and leg aches from walking too much. I would also experience shortness of breath all the time. My secondary motivation was that I'd had enough of feeling trapped in my own body. I couldn't stand looking in the mirror at my round puffy face with 3 chins. My weight kept me from doing so many things and I just wanted to get my life back.

    I'm not sure exactly how much I lost, because I was too afraid to weigh myself in the beginning. I don't allow scales in the house and I didn't weigh myself at all for the first 9 months. When I finally did, I weighed 123 pounds. I would guess that I started out around 200 pounds. I could barely squeeze into a size 18. I probably lost around 90/95 pounds. I started the last week in February and was down to a size 7/8 by October...5/6 by December.

    I didn't use any diet aids and I didn't even exercise at first, but I still lost weight. I worked on healing my body along with eating properly. You'll lose weight a lot faster if your body is healthy.

    First of all, I think your nausea during the day might be caused by your overeating at night. The acid is just laying there in your stomach all night. I still snacked at night when I first started my diet, but instead of ice cream and other sweets, I started snacking on some of my favorite fruits. Also, some type of mint tea, such as peppermint or spearmint tea, or chamomile tea, would help your nausea. If you don't have access to a health food store which sells herbs, go ahead and buy some at the grocery store,(like Celestial Seasonings) but you should know that they're never as strong or effective. It'll do if that's all you can get ahold of.

    I lost my weight so easily this time around. It was almost too easy. The fat just melted right off. It's just a matter of educating yourself and knowing what types of foods to eat and which ones to avoid.

    One biggie to avoid is any colas and especially diet colas. I used to be 6 pack a day diet pepsi junkie, but after being scared to death I was going to die of kidney failure, it wasn't that hard to give it up. Both types of colas are just horrible on your body. Carbonated water destroys your bones. You need healthy bones to produce healthy blood cells. You need all your body's systems functioning properly for optimal weight loss. Then there's the sugar. On another night, I'll tell you about the harmful effects of sugar and some healthy alternative sugars. No one needs artificial sweetners, especially aspartame. It can actually prevent you from losing weight, and did you know it turns to formaldehyde when it reaches a certain temperature? I've tried to tell my obese mother that, but she just says that at least she'll be well-preserved when she dies. LOL

    Another thing I cut out of my diet was all processed foods. There are so many chemical additives in these foods. They taxing your entire system when you eat them. Your blood becomes impure. Your organs have to work harder to digest and clean out all the toxins. Another reason to avoid them is that they're so overprocessed that they've been robbed of all their life-giving properties. I don't see how it's legal to even call some of that stuff food. LOL If your body isn't getting the proper nutrients, doesn't it stand to reason that it will constantly be craving more food? I'm not saying that no one should stop eating them completely. A little treat once in a while doesn't hurt anything. I have a soft drink every once in a great while, but even while losing weight, I never drank diet. That should be avoided completely. I watch my calories closely, but I'd rather have the calories from regular soft drinks than ingest anything with aspartame.

    If you want me to continue on, I will. I don't want to bore you. I won't be offended. My way isn't for everyone, I'm sure, but if you're interested, I don't mind talking about my favorite obsession..weight loss. I honestly believe that with enough knowledge and determination, anyone can lose weight. I would only hope that they don't take it to an extreme like I have done.

    CL

     
    Old 08-09-2004, 11:14 PM   #12
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    Re: Adults with eating disorders....are you out there??

    I'm 26 with and ED that I've had for almost 8 years now. My ex husband used to encourage it so that I'd be thin. I want you to know that I printed out what you wrote, because it sounded identical to how I feel.

     
    Old 08-14-2004, 12:24 AM   #13
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    Re: Adults with eating disorders....are you out there??

    Yes, I'm 33 and have battled weight since age 16. Since then, I've been on five major diets, yo-yo'ing quite a bit. I'm currently at a comfortable weight, and I'm having a rough time learning how to maintain.

    Oh, thank you for starting this thread! I'm glad there are other adults out there who may understand!
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    Old 08-14-2004, 09:42 PM   #14
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    Re: Adults with eating disorders....are you out there??

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Celtic Lady
    Hey again..

    You asked me what finally motivated me to lose weight, and I'd have to say more than anything it was my health. I was so sickl from my kidneys that I had to hang on to things just to walk across the floor. Even before that, I was tired of having back and leg aches from walking too much. I would also experience shortness of breath all the time. My secondary motivation was that I'd had enough of feeling trapped in my own body. I couldn't stand looking in the mirror at my round puffy face with 3 chins. My weight kept me from doing so many things and I just wanted to get my life back.

    I'm not sure exactly how much I lost, because I was too afraid to weigh myself in the beginning. I don't allow scales in the house and I didn't weigh myself at all for the first 9 months. When I finally did, I weighed 123 pounds. I would guess that I started out around 200 pounds. I could barely squeeze into a size 18. I probably lost around 90/95 pounds. I started the last week in February and was down to a size 7/8 by October...5/6 by December.

    I didn't use any diet aids and I didn't even exercise at first, but I still lost weight. I worked on healing my body along with eating properly. You'll lose weight a lot faster if your body is healthy.

    First of all, I think your nausea during the day might be caused by your overeating at night. The acid is just laying there in your stomach all night. I still snacked at night when I first started my diet, but instead of ice cream and other sweets, I started snacking on some of my favorite fruits. Also, some type of mint tea, such as peppermint or spearmint tea, or chamomile tea, would help your nausea. If you don't have access to a health food store which sells herbs, go ahead and buy some at the grocery store,(like Celestial Seasonings) but you should know that they're never as strong or effective. It'll do if that's all you can get ahold of.

    I lost my weight so easily this time around. It was almost too easy. The fat just melted right off. It's just a matter of educating yourself and knowing what types of foods to eat and which ones to avoid.

    One biggie to avoid is any colas and especially diet colas. I used to be 6 pack a day diet pepsi junkie, but after being scared to death I was going to die of kidney failure, it wasn't that hard to give it up. Both types of colas are just horrible on your body. Carbonated water destroys your bones. You need healthy bones to produce healthy blood cells. You need all your body's systems functioning properly for optimal weight loss. Then there's the sugar. On another night, I'll tell you about the harmful effects of sugar and some healthy alternative sugars. No one needs artificial sweetners, especially aspartame. It can actually prevent you from losing weight, and did you know it turns to formaldehyde when it reaches a certain temperature? I've tried to tell my obese mother that, but she just says that at least she'll be well-preserved when she dies. LOL

    Another thing I cut out of my diet was all processed foods. There are so many chemical additives in these foods. They taxing your entire system when you eat them. Your blood becomes impure. Your organs have to work harder to digest and clean out all the toxins. Another reason to avoid them is that they're so overprocessed that they've been robbed of all their life-giving properties. I don't see how it's legal to even call some of that stuff food. LOL If your body isn't getting the proper nutrients, doesn't it stand to reason that it will constantly be craving more food? I'm not saying that no one should stop eating them completely. A little treat once in a while doesn't hurt anything. I have a soft drink every once in a great while, but even while losing weight, I never drank diet. That should be avoided completely. I watch my calories closely, but I'd rather have the calories from regular soft drinks than ingest anything with aspartame.

    If you want me to continue on, I will. I don't want to bore you. I won't be offended. My way isn't for everyone, I'm sure, but if you're interested, I don't mind talking about my favorite obsession..weight loss. I honestly believe that with enough knowledge and determination, anyone can lose weight. I would only hope that they don't take it to an extreme like I have done.

    CL
    Hi CL!

    You're so kind to provide me with so much info. No, this doesn't bore me at all! Quite the opposite, as a matter of fact. Thing is...while I WANT to be like you and lose the weight....I just can't seem to. I...NEED food and I don't know how to halt its allure. I'm just so disgusted with myself and my inability to do what I KNOW I must. This is why I am very much hoping that the hypnotherapy will help. I don't know what else to do.

    Actually, I'm fine during the day as long as I stick to carbs. I only would get nauseated if I ate something with fat in it, like pancakes or eggs....not that I should be eating them, anyway!!! So I suppose it's just as well. However, this could be part of my problem at night - I feel I have been "punished" by having to eat the way I do during the day, so that by night, when I CAN tolerate some fats, I go a bit overboard!

    I'm not a pop drinker at all. Another problem I had in the past was ulcers and I was warned to stay away from them because of the acid content. So, I drink lots of water, and some decaf coffee in the morning....in which I put Equal...and on my cereal, too. I had nooo idea it was a bad thing!! I've been using it for more years than I can remember. But if I DIDN'T, I shudder to think what I would weigh!!

    Are you still losing weight? I have heard of this sort of thing happening before...people who were obese, then lose...but keep on losing, and it becomes, as you termed it, an obsession. I hope that there is a way to turn this around for you. You worked so hard to get healthy, so I know you must not want to become ill again...right????? Thank you again!!!

    Hugs!
    Char

    Last edited by Charlyssa; 08-14-2004 at 09:45 PM.

     
    Old 09-08-2004, 12:02 AM   #15
    Tynel
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    Re: Adults with eating disorders....are you out there??

    Well, I am 29, going on 30 and I both binge and restrict to an obbsessive degree. Right now I am at my very heavy stage - 231 lbs (5'10 frame). I go through cyles which last about 6-9 months, where I will do nothing but binge the entire time and gain a TON of weight. Then I will freak out (especially if there is an event planned in the future), and I will starve myself and go down to a very thin frame. My last cyle was over a year ago. I starved myself down to 134lbs, and now have eaten myself back to 230 lbs. I am going away with the extended family in just over 6 months, and I intend to be 130lbs. That is OVER 1/2 a pound a day. I am a week and a half into it, and I have lost 17lbs. I am so frightened because I know what I am doing to my body and it terrifies me, but I cant stop. What scares me most, is that in March I WILL be 130lbs and more damage will have been done. If I keep punishing my body to this degree, I will not live to be an old woman - guarenteed. The last time I did this, I was put in the hospital for heart palpitations. I want to get help so bad, but I cant risk not getting down to that weight. The feeling I have of control is such a high when I am thin. I love it when someone notices I have lost weight, and it gets even better when I get a look of concern from someone. One comment from someone telling me that I dont need to loose any more weight, can easily get me another week of not eating much.
    Right now I am eating around 300 - 500 calories a day (none of which are carbs).
    I keep telling myself that this is the last cycle. But each cycle is taking years off my life, I am sure of it. Even as I am saying this, I want to type, 'after is ONE, i'm going to get help'. Its pathetic, but I still know I will end up continuing on. One thing that is weird though, even though I get looks from my family when I am really thin, I have tried telling them that I have an eating disorder, but no one really takes me seriously. *sigh*
    I cant say i'm going to do anything about this - I just had to get some of this out.

     
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