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    Old 09-14-2004, 03:30 PM   #31
    Geenah
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    Re: Please can anyone help me

    Aurora-
    I do not know much about you either... but what I have read. I agree with Luktyl,. If the hospital is an "option" for you, well. I suggest taking it! I wish I would have let Any of the MANY speciality places I have been work..........But at the time you can ONLY do, What you can DO!! RIGHT?! You are not letting ANYONE down..(except you...) Don't think for a MINUTE you are letting ANYONE down!! I did the same thing! I have been in the grips of this MONSTER for 20 years...I am 35. And for as LONG as I can remember...Well, you know. You can DO IT! I have prayed for you, and I know something GOOD is coming your way! I wish you all the strength I never had, and the all the strength you never believed you COULD have. YOU CAN!!
    You can do this!
    Gena

    P.S. LUKTYL- I'd love to speak to you sometime! We have a lot in common!

     
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    Old 09-14-2004, 11:20 PM   #32
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    Re: Please can anyone help me

    Emsie - I have a feeling you are falling into your 'I'm fine' mode again honey. You can talk you know, we want to be here for you whenever you need to talk.

    You ask how my dad is - well he has to have an op soon to try and sort out his cardiac arhythmia...but his blood pressure has rocketed so high that they can't risk it. I am so scared that he will die if they don't sort it out soon, his bp is so high now and unstable that his consultant was surprised he was still ...ya know...still around...

    I have a session today with my therapist. She is meant to weigh me. I told them I would be fine with that when I signed out of IP. But I'm not. I lost a few pounds and they won't be happy. Maybe she will forget to weigh me.
    I do want to get better. But it comes like second nature to me. Before I realised it I was back to my habits, but I AM eating once a day now. So I am working on coming back up to my plan. I don't want to lose all this.
    I just couldn't seem to stop myself. Pretty pathetic, huh?

    Geenah - thankyou so much for your support. Can I ask if you are in recovery now from your ed? You sound like you believe everyone but you can get through this, like you aren't strong enough...but you CAN get through this too. You said Luktyl is very like you, well she is in recovery now. I might be wrong with that assumption, and I hope I am! But whatever the case I wish you luck, and much happiness. You are worth more than an ed.

    Hope you are all ok.

    Love H xoxo
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    Old 09-15-2004, 07:40 AM   #33
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    Re: Please can anyone help me

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Aurora
    Hiya

    Once again, I find an amazing wealth of comfort from your words. You are all such lovely, caring people. Whether you believe you are beautiful or not, you must believe me when I say you all have beautiful souls!

    Luktyl - 18 years of anorexia, the pain of it for that long. Do you realise how amazing you are to be a recovering anorexic after that long? I am so proud for you. That is most certainly an achievement! I have been struggling for 9 and a half years or so now. Started as an EDNOS, but then became anorexia. It feels like a lifetime to me, so I cannot comprehend how it felt for you
    And you have two little sons as well. That is surely a miracle from God! They must bring you such happiness! Don't give up on yourself though - things can get even better than where you are now. Even if you don't believe you can recover 100%, I will be wishing you to feel even happier than ever before!

    Lauren - that was a beautiful post you wrote to me. But you must never forget how special YOU are too. I am sure that lots of people here would say such equally lovely things about you too. Never give up fighting it sweetie, you deserve to get well.

    Pat - How could I NOT care about someone who is so caring as you are? How are you doing just now? And your friend and her daughter? Is she getting professional help? I hope she can get through this suffering very soon.
    Thank you so much for saying a prayer for my dad and I. I love my dad so much but his heart is just not doing so good and I am scared of losing him. I want him to live longer - I want to make him proud that he has me for a daughter...selfish aren't I I just want him to live forever I guess...

    Char - Well I see my therapist tomorrow and I am praying her scales weigh differently to mine here so she doesn't realise I lost a few pounds...I am trying. Honestly, I do want to get better. Promise. Its just harder than I anticipated. Its so tempting to just slip back to my normal habits of restricting... But I guess thats why I am seeing her - to get better. Right?
    Thanks for keeping my dad in your prayers too. I know I am being selfish,...but I love him so much. I want him to live to see his retirement and stuff. I want him to have the chance to grow old and bald (lol baldER than at present) and spend time with my mum. *sigh* I WANT a lot don't I?
    Hows your house shaping up? And your eating? Come on Char, you can tell us how you feel you know. You don't have to bottle it up inside.

    Quench - You may feel like giving up on yourself. But we will NEVER give up on YOU! You deserve happiness. I wish so badly that I could give you some happiness. Please isn't there anyone you can talk to at school, a counsellor or something. You needn't tell them about the food yet, just tell them you feel bad. Sad and frustrated and upset with yourself and you don't want to live like this, that you WANT to be happy.
    PPPLLLEEEAAASSSSEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! With a cherry on top, lol!

    Emsie - thanks for the best wishes. I hope you are not overdoing things Em, are you not sleeping well? Or is it just adjusting back to a school routine that is tiring you? Anyway, hope you are a little happier now that you have had a few more days to adjust to your new teachers and classmates. And I really hope you are eating enough too. I do worry for you.

    J*L - If you were all trained doctors then we would ll be able to help even more. But as it stands you are all an amazing comfort to those you write to. Thankyou for taking time to send me your thoughts. It means a lot that people have been so kind to me.

    Hope everyone is doing ok, surviving, trying to do the right thing and all that.
    Sending many hugs in your directions (be it north, south , east or west) and I hope they find their way to you all.

    Love H xoxo

    Hiya Aur!!

    But isn't that usually the way life is? To do the right thing is hard - doing the wrong this is easy. But you must keep trying...and you must try harder, Aur. Because losing a few lbs, when you have no 'surplus' to spare, is most definitely not the right thing! If you are determined to do this on your own, then you must keep up with the program's guidelines for food/caloric intake to, if nothing else, at least maintain your weight. If you continue to lose, there will be no choice but to go back to IP...and I know you know that, and I also know you don't want that. So, you must eat, Aur...3 meals a day, not one! Oh...and I guess you know that they will detect your weight loss...and I seriously doubt they'll forget to weigh you!! And in case this was something else you thought of...no, it won't work telling them that their scale must not be functioning properly. LOL

    I'm so sorry to hear about your dad, but I continue to have him (and you!) in my prayers. There are meds to control his bp surely?? And to correct the arrhythmia, as well? SOmetimes it takes a bit to get everything under control, but with God's help and the meds, I pray it will all be managed. Please try to not to worry, Aur....and PLEASE eat more so it can help give you the strength to get thru this difficult time, OK??

    HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Char

     
    Old 09-15-2004, 12:59 PM   #34
    emily_1990
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    Re: Please can anyone help me

    lol I know I'm prone to 'I'm fine' phases but I really am alright at the moment, so you don't need to worry about me lol! Honest!

    As Charly said, you don't HAVE the extra pounds to lose! Anyway, I thought therapists weren't meant to judge people...

    "I do want to get better. But it comes like second nature to me. Before I realised it I was back to my habits, but I AM eating once a day now. So I am working on coming back up to my plan. I don't want to lose all this. I just couldn't seem to stop myself. Pretty pathetic, huh?"
    No its not pathetic, you've lived with the starving for years and adapted to it so a part of you is telling you its normal even though the logical part of you must be telling you its nowhere near normal. Keep fighting, I believe you can do it.

    Sorry about your dad, as Charly said, is there nothing they can do with meds?

    Charly, I don't know if I've just missed it (which wouldn't suprise me, what with my observational skills ) but hows the new house?

    Emily xoxox

     
    Old 09-15-2004, 01:06 PM   #35
    Roxie Hart
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    Re: Please can anyone help me

    Hi H
    Couldn't you please please go back IP? It sounds like you need the structure of it at the moment to get you to keep eating. And you have come this far, I don't want to see you relapse. Spending however long it takes for you to recover is really worth it, because it means you will have the rest of your life to work and do whatever else you want to. Please get more help, I don't think 1 session a week is enough at the moment.
    Take care
    Loads of love
    Milly xxxxxxxxx
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    Old 09-15-2004, 02:09 PM   #36
    Charlyssa
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    Re: Please can anyone help me

    Hiya Ems!

    Naww, haven't been talking about the house stuff...too caught up in my concerns for Aur and everyone here, including you, too, sweetie! But you're sweet to ask...but first, are you REALLY fine?? 'Cause I know I do the "I'm fine" stuff, too, and I'm not always 100% truthful. I'm not saying you're not...but I also know sometimes it's easier to say we're OK, than to spill a bunch of stuff, you know? For example, are you still purging?? For if you are, well...that's not exactly "fine", right?? We're always here for you, you know!!

    So, we're moved, finally! It was a PAIN, and I hope to never move again!! We're mostly unpacked, much has been accomplished, but still much to do, unfortunately!

    And how are you doing, Milly? You say you haven't been doing too well, but you've not really explained?? I hope you're better! And how are things with receiving therapy?

    Hugs to all
    Char

     
    Old 09-15-2004, 02:21 PM   #37
    Roxie Hart
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    Re: Please can anyone help me

    Hey Char

    So how are you? You managed to omit any information whatsoever from that reply! I have posted more about whats going on with me on a thread I started a few days ago, that kind of explains most things. So tell me what is going on with you.

    Take care
    Milly xxx
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    Old 09-15-2004, 02:43 PM   #38
    emily_1990
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    Re: Please can anyone help me

    Lol, I really am fine I haven't purged in aaaages! So its all good!

    "We're mostly unpacked, much has been accomplished, but still much to do, unfortunately! "
    Lol! I hate that feeling where you've done tons but then you look at everything and theres still loads to do! It just makes me feel really tired!

    But yeah, as Milly said, how are you doing?

    Love emily xoxox

     
    Old 09-15-2004, 03:49 PM   #39
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    Re: Please can anyone help me

    Hi guys, hows things with y'all?

    Hope all is good and you are all happy - well you can't blame me for daydreaming can you?

    Char - some of this may not be new to you but bear with me God I am a cheeky monkey today! Lol!

    Ok so my dad has had his blood pressure meds QUADRUPULED and its still not making a difference, thats why they think something else is going on. And he keeps having lots of pain in his left arm and shoulder...and we know thats not a good sign. And he is out of breath all the time and, just so weak looking. And he has always been very strong. Now he seems somewhat...diminished.

    And btw, you have no need to be concerned - so talk freely about your house and your eating situation. I will be just fine

    Emsie - Yes your trademark phrase worries me, in case you are hiding behind it, if you get me?

    And actually I think my therapist judges me all the time. In fact I walked in and the first thing she said was, 'So you're back to losing again then? How much weight have you lost?' And although I strenuously denied it, and lied, unfortunately even the extra water I had drank didn't fool her scales.

    On the plus side, I had a really intense session with her which I think was good. And I ate a little more today. So hey, I'm almost cured, lol!

    Millie - Sorry honey but I have to work. I am not gonna lose my job or my house because I can't get out of my habits. And actually having been back at work a couple of days, I feel glad to be there. I missed it, and my staff claim to have missed me...so yeah I am glad that I made the decision I did.

    Hugs to all from H xoxo
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    Last edited by Aurora; 09-15-2004 at 04:02 PM.

     
    Old 09-15-2004, 03:53 PM   #40
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    Re: Please can anyone help me

    Which Em lol and I honestly am fine I'm not lying. I was always told counsellors/therapists dont judge people, but I'm probably jsut wrong lol. That was kinda harsh what she said because its obvious to me that you are trying so hard.

    xoxox

     
    Old 09-15-2004, 03:55 PM   #41
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    Re: Please can anyone help me

    lalalalalal
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    Last edited by Aurora; 09-15-2004 at 03:59 PM.

     
    Old 09-16-2004, 04:46 AM   #42
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    Re: Please can anyone help me

    Hey Aur, nice post It sounds like you're keeping your spirits high and thinking positively which is great! I can understand you not wanting to give up your house and your job but remember without your health you can't have either of these things and your health absolutely has to come first.

    Therapists are strange beings. I remember my first consultation with a psychotherapist and after hearing my story she told me I wasn't and never had been anorexic. I did ask her if she knew what an eating disorder actually was...I guess in a way it was good that she said what she did, you said you ate more on that day? So I guess maybe it was a good thing?

    I read a post of yours from another thread...something about how we are all hypocritical in a way. I am certainly feeling very hypocritical at the moment which is why I'm posting less. I have been purging recently which I haven't done for ages, only three times maybe in the last week but it feels like a big step backwards...and I'm so ashamed of it. I eat about 150cals for breakfast then don't eat the rest of the day unless I get a sugar attack in which case I have a 45cal hot chocolate. But sometimes it all goes wrong in the evening and I eat and then have to be sick, I feel so disgusted with myself for losing control and eating...

    Sorry to go on about myself, just feeling a bit down! How is everyone? Hope you are all coping and getting on okay. And Aur, you know we want the best for you, please maintain and not lose any more weight hun

    Thanks for listening to my ramble everyone!

    xxx J*L xxx

     
    Old 09-16-2004, 09:41 PM   #43
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    Re: Please can anyone help me

    Quote:
    Quench, a few days of slip ups are not enough to rule out all of the wondeful days of achievement, you CAN and WILL keep fighting this and beat it.
    Emily:
    Thanks for the encouragement. Unfortunately, though, I have MUCH more than a “few” slip-ups. Once in a while? Fine, okay. But my day of achievement ratio is like 100:1. So, how can I help but feel that I have accomplished absolutely nothing and am a failing horribly?? I’m just so bummed out.

    You say you are eating just fine, and are fine. Please elaborate on that. Surely you know this isn’t adequate? What the HECK does “fine” mean? In the mean time, I’m glad to hear you’re slipping easily into school, though! I hope your teachers aren’t heaping loads of work on you like mine are!

    Quote:
    Quench - You may feel like giving up on yourself. But we will NEVER give up on YOU! You deserve happiness. I wish so badly that I could give you some happiness. Please isn't there anyone you can talk to at school, a counsellor or something. You needn't tell them about the food yet, just tell them you feel bad. Sad and frustrated and upset with yourself and you don't want to live like this, that you WANT to be happy.
    PPPLLLEEEAAASSSSEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! With a cherry on top, lol!
    Aury:
    How about a JAR of cherries? LOL. But even WITH that, I just………... can’t. And no, there’s really no one I feel comfortable speaking with, in the physical life, anyway. I’m just so hated around here.

    So, how are YOU? You didn’t answer my question, Missy! I want to hear more about your eating. How are you doing eating-wise? And Aury, surely you know you can’t AFFORD to lose any more pounds?? It worries me to hear this. Please behave. And how’s your dad?? Is he doing any better?

    “lalalalala?” What’s that about, hmm? Is there something you’d like to share with us?

    As for me? Well, I started school this week, and all throughout my teachers were heaping work on us. I’m stressing myself like crazy, and I can’t stand the work. I’m already behind in some classes, believe it or not. I’m such a MESS!! I’m bingeing like crazy, and on Tuesday, I errrrrrrrrr….. successfully purged for the first time, which is, uh……... REALLY BAD!!!! I’m sensing a nervous breakdown....!!!
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    Old 09-16-2004, 10:02 PM   #44
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    Re: Please can anyone help me

    As for me? Well, I started school this week, and all throughout my teachers were heaping work on us. I’m stressing myself like crazy, and I can’t stand the work. I’m already behind in some classes, believe it or not. I’m such a MESS!! I’m bingeing like crazy, and on Tuesday, I errrrrrrrrr….. successfully purged for the first time, which is, uh……... REALLY BAD!!!! I’m sensing a nervous breakdown....!!! [/QUOTE]


    Why...Hello, there Senorita Quencherita!!

    Long time, no hear!!! LOL Awwwwww, but I'm soooooooo sorry that school is already a bummer and you are struggling. Say...did you ever get those GLASSES you know you need????????? It would make EVERYTHING so much easier for you, you know!!!!!!!!!!

    And I'm EXTREMELY sorry to hear that you have purged. I am MORE than worried about you, missy!!! You know that purging is bad...have you not read the gazillions of posts from people about this and how they wish they would never have started??? Please, sweetie....no more of that, OK??? The physical damage you will do to yourself just isn't worth it....AT ALL.

    I care, you know.

    HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Char

     
    Old 09-17-2004, 12:31 AM   #45
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    Re: Please can anyone help me

    hehehehe H, how are you intending to explain the lalalala post! I dont think people are guna stop asking questions

    Quench - the point is that you are still having days where you aren't slipping up, no matter how few and far between they are, it takes a huge effort to get an achievement like that.

    As for what does fine mean, its defined by (or one of the definitions anyway) :

    "in good health"

    There we are, hope that cleared it up for you !

    Oh and my teachers are piling hwk on me too. I kept up for a couple of days lol but nothings late yet so its not too bad.

    Please please please dont get into purging Quench I'm pretty sure you know all the health risks involved so Im not guna sit and go through them but if you feel tempted again think about all of them. Especially that one where you could die

    Charly how are you doing?

    And H, please talk about how you're doing, we worry!

    Right, I will probably not be on for a while so all of you take care!
    xoxoxox

     
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