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    Old 09-17-2004, 08:35 PM   #1
    xRachelx
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    Question Do i have an eating disorder? a start of one? please help

    Hello everyone. i'm new here. i'm just wondering if i have an eating disorder or a start of one. I used to say i was fasting about everyother day a few months ago, and now i watch how many calories i'm going to eat. some days i eat alot of things that are mostly unhealthy, and i think that i'll just not eat the next day. i try to not eat, but i get too hungry and binge again. i'm already underweight, but i'm not satisfied with my body, mostly my stomach. i'm only about 110 lbs, and i'm 15 years old. i'm about 5'3 too. after i binge, i feel disgusted with what i did, ashamed that i let myself consume that many calories, get depressed and get a disorted image of myself. about 5 times within the past week i've tired to purge, but i never can seem to finish. and when i can't i get mad at myself because i'm going to gain weight because of what i ate. my thoughts before i tried to purge where that i can eat anything and just puke it up so i won't get fat because of the calories, but when i can't vomit, i get very angry with myself. i also worry i'm going to get fat, so i decide maybe i shouldn't eat the next day, or skip a few meals, sometimes i do, sometimes i don't. is this a start of an eating disorder?

     
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    Old 09-17-2004, 08:54 PM   #2
    LooksLikeRain
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    Re: Do i have an eating disorder? a start of one? please help

    i'd have to say yes. you sound a lot like me, i'm 15, except i'm a 5'5 and weigh like 124.5 (ew). i absolutely HATE my stomach. that's basically the only part that i can't stand of my body. my legs are ok, but disporportioned with the rest of my body. well i'll let you go, but just know that you're not alone and i'm glad you came here for help.

     
    Old 09-17-2004, 09:57 PM   #3
    roxychic0437
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    Re: Do i have an eating disorder? a start of one? please help

    I agree with rain. except im 5'4 and 97 lbs. but i have a tiny frame. but trust me, please do not even THINK you want this. you may at first but once you become diagnosed its an illness that takes over your life forever. you will always struggle even after u have recovered. replases happen every day. imagine not being able to do anything on the weekends, always being tired, dizzy, have frequent black outs. you WONT want to be around any1. you will be blamed for ruining your family, and watch your loved onces trail along behind you. im going through it right now, and its not fun.

    However- you may be on your way there. but your not there yet. if you still get hungary and CAN eat, and a simi large amount your not fully anorexic. maybe a tad on the bulimic side. this all depends on your meal sizes.

    good luck

     
    Old 09-17-2004, 10:16 PM   #4
    Betty Bee
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    Re: Do i have an eating disorder? a start of one? please help

    You said you were eating a lot...Why are you eating so much? If you are feeling guilt and shame for what you are eating and then you try to get rid of the food to get rid of the guilt/shame, then I would say yes, you have an eating disorder. Can you tell us why you are binging in the first place?

    Last edited by Betty Bee; 09-18-2004 at 05:21 PM.

     
    Old 09-18-2004, 03:48 PM   #5
    xRachelx
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    Re: Do i have an eating disorder? a start of one? please help

    Looks like Rain - i'm glad we have somthing in common. so, do u have an eating disorder, or are u on ur way 2 one?
    RoxyChick- thanx, i'll try not 2 think i want it, but after i eat alot, then i really feel i want it. i hope that ur going 2 recover from ur ED
    Betty Bee - well, right now, i'm making sure i'm not eat that much a day. but sometimes i get 2 hungry. and i eat alot, then a few times i've tried 2 vomit (and yes, its 2 get rid of the shame), but it didn't work. then, after i've eaten i tell myslef that the next day i can only eat about 50 or so calories to make up for what i ate the day before. then, the next day i get hungry again and i think "well, since i didn't eat yesterday, i can eat more today."..and it starts all over again, but sometimes its different. sometimes i don't eat for a few days because i like the results, or if i look @ my stomach in a mirror alot, i might not eat for a few days because i think that i got fat and i feel ashamed because i ate and made myself fat, or i'll just eat a tiny amount of food. so its different for alot of the days

    Last edited by xRachelx; 09-18-2004 at 03:58 PM.

     
    Old 09-19-2004, 10:59 AM   #6
    eminemworshipper
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    Re: Do i have an eating disorder? a start of one? please help

    i was originally going to post this, but i decided i cant right now- when pple type their weight etc it just makes me feel more sh** bout myself. I know u all dont mean to, but n e ways, i may reply when im feelin happier n less full!!

     
    Old 09-19-2004, 11:54 AM   #7
    xRachelx
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    Re: Do i have an eating disorder? a start of one? please help

    ok, i won't say my weight n e more. and i'm really sry that when ppl talk about their weight that it makes u feel like crap. i sometimes get really jealous of ppl if theyre skinnyer than me or tell me their weight and its lower than mine, so i kinda know where ur coming from.

     
    Old 09-19-2004, 02:28 PM   #8
    eminemworshipper
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    Re: Do i have an eating disorder? a start of one? please help

    dont worry Rach, feel free to do so..it's just when I'm feelin full and bloated I get affected by it and feel crap, but it's alright xxxxxxx

     
    Old 09-20-2004, 05:19 AM   #9
    freebiekats
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    Re: Do i have an eating disorder? a start of one? please help

    Rachel - I am glad you posted this topic. Its something that has been bothering me about myself as well. My weight fluctuates fairly often. And when I eat I get angry at myself and try to throw up but most of the time I cant go all the way through with it. When I was in high school I would eat laxitives with my girlfriends to lose weight. Now I have a lot of bad stomach problems resulting from that. I make plans to skip meals. If I have to go to dinner with my family, I will vow not to eat at all the next day. Any time I look in the mirror, no matter what my weight, I always see the same thing. I have seen pictures of myself before and not known it was me. I think the hardest part it getting that self image out of your mind. I feel like I need constant reassurance that I am not overweight, although according to doctors I am way under. And when someone tells me I am skinny, I think they are only trying to be polite. I have yet to find anything that works as far as helping. But I am glad to read that other girls, even though we all vary in age, are all dealing with the same issues. Maybe we can all help each other find something, especially before it gets worse for some of us.

    Just a thought for you, I was planning on not eating today because I had eaten 2 pieces of pizza yesterday. And then I thought to myself how much I would hate to see you, even though I dont know you, do that to yourself. I get upset at the thought of you doing things to your body that are hurtful, and in turn I think to myself that I cant set that sort of double standard. Maybe keeping you in mind will help me, so for that, and for your bravery, I wanted to say thanks.

    em

     
    Old 09-24-2004, 04:59 PM   #10
    xRachelx
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    Re: Do i have an eating disorder? a start of one? please help

    Freebeikats - yes, u do sound just like me. we have like the same way of dealing w/ the food we eat, and the way we think of it and our image. i'm really gald u posted ur reply bcuz i know that i'm not the only one who thinks this way. my friends worry that i'm going 2 eventually have an eating disorder, and sometimes i do 2. do u think that we're on our way to one? i'm very pleased 2 hear that u have me in mind and that might help u. its the same 4 me. i wish u the best w/ everything
    RaChEl

     
    Old 09-24-2004, 09:21 PM   #11
    LooksLikeRain
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    Re: Do i have an eating disorder? a start of one? please help

    rachel, i'm not on my way, i have one. i've started to go on a low carb diet to get back to "normal".. whatever that is.. lol. i keep getting frustrated though. something tells me not to eat, and another thing tells me i should because i'm going to get sick, or worse, or whatever.

     
    Old 09-25-2004, 05:40 AM   #12
    freebiekats
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    Re: Do i have an eating disorder? a start of one? please help

    Rachel
    Ya know, I have never actually thought of it as an all-out eating disorder. I knew I had issues but it wasnt until my boss pulled me aside and asked me if I had an eating disorder becuase of my rapid weight loss. Truth is, I fluctuate pretty easily. It's just been recently that I cant get the weight to come off as easily as I used to. I used to eat anything and everything and people would say, "It will catch up with you!" I hated hearing that. It was like someone saying, "Ha ha, you cant pull it off! you cant do it! You'll be fat one day!" And I started to get nervous. I dont know about you, because I dont know how intensely serious you are about following through with your thoughts and ideas about weight loss, but I think that for me personally, I have tried it all and, like I said before, was never able to #1- keep it up for more than a few months at a time or #2- stick to my promises of not eating the next day or two days. I dont think that I will ever be dangerously involved in an eating disorder. But the sad part about all of that is that something inside of me wishes I could be. Something inside me is disappointed that I cant just do it. That makes me sad. I saw a picture of myself the other day and thought, "good God I look sick!" because I was so skinny. People are always telling me how tiny I am. But it's that image in the mirror that never changes that keeps me in this mind set. As if I only looked skinny that one day or in that one picture. Because when I see myself in the mirror, I always look the same and I dont like it.
    Well, I have rambled on enough. I am keeping you in my thoughts, though. I'm glad we were able to connect on this subject. In high school, we did it in pairs or groups, purge that is, but now that Im older it's a little more lonely.
    Take care, Rachel, and I hope to hear back from you soon!

     
    Old 09-25-2004, 08:12 AM   #13
    xRachelx
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    Re: Do i have an eating disorder? a start of one? please help

    Freebiekats-
    we really have similar thoughts, so we can understand eachother pretty good, which is good. well, a long time ago, i used 2 b able 2 eat n e thing i wanted and not gain any weight. but i can also remember that i also used 2 not eat alot n e ways when i was younger. now, i'm in 10th grade, and for the past year or so i've been thinking i'm getting 2 fat. but now, its really really starting 2 annoy me....so i started doing the "if i accidnetly eat 2 much or too many calories i'll just eat barely n e thing 2morrow" then when i don't do it, i get mad @ myslef..which u do 2. i also sometimes wish that i would have an ed so i would b skinny again. and when i look in the mirror, i think i look so fat, but every1 tells me i'm not, but i think they're lyeing.
    hope to hear from you soon
    rachel

     
    Old 09-28-2004, 12:10 AM   #14
    freebiekats
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    Re: Do i have an eating disorder? a start of one? please help

    Rachel
    Well, I shouldnt be proud of this, but i am glad, but until tonight I hadnt eaten since thursday. Tonight my friend made me sit down and eat dinner, although my stomach had shrunk and i couldnt eat much. sometimes i can do that if i am really busy. i just kind of forget. i have a really really busy job that keeps me pretty tied up and sleeping in my free time. i found that the best thing to help me keep weight off is just to keep busy and just not buy food. sometimes i use drugs to help. its a deep rooted thought process and can very much control or dictate my life. but where do you turn when youre just somewhere in between, ya know?
    hope all is well....

     
    Old 10-02-2004, 06:08 PM   #15
    lulu_gurl16
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    Red face Re: Do i have an eating disorder? a start of one? please help

    hello,
    i am 16 and i have bot been eating very much the last couple of days.yesterday i ate an ice cream cone and today i jsut ate sandwhitches so i have nto been eating very much and i dont know y.if anyone know's what this is from plzz reply me back.
    thank u sooo much

     
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