It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....

Eating Disorder Recovery Message Board

I'm really struggling

Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 07-06-2005, 06:51 PM   #1
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Bristol, Connecticut
Posts: 306
firewtr38 HB User
Unhappy I'm really struggling

Hi ladies
I need some help. I'm feeling really crappy today. I'm hoping it's just a bad day but I'm scared. I've been in "recovery" for a few months now. And thats been good but I just feel like it's all a hoax on myself. Like I'm fooling myself into thinking I'm fine. I still think about food ALL the time, I still eat INCREDIBLY healthy and god help me if I eat anything that's not good for me. I still have all the guilt feelings and quirky behaviors. And I have been exercising a lot. Running 5 miles a day, doing 400-500 situps every day, and lifting weights for my upper body every other day. I feel like my whole life is still all about food and now exercise. I'm feeling really anxious because I don't know what to think, feel or do right now.
I enjoy running but I guess I don't know how to keep it balanced. I'm not losing weight (which I guess is a good thing) but my brain is preoccupied with it all the time.
I realized this weekend that I also really don't know how to have fun anymore. I haven't done much of anything lately besides exercising, doing errands, working, watching TV and playing board games with my girlfriend. I guess I do more on the weekends but I feel like it's not good enough. Like my whole world still revolves around food. I just feel like I can't get myself out of the grip of my ED. I try so hard! As all of you do also! Why can't it just be a little easier sometimes?
I'm SO bad at articulating my feelings too. I saw my therapist yesterday, do you think I had ANY of this on my mind then?? Of course not!! So I sat in her office for 50 minutes and talked about nothing even remotely close to this stuff. And even as I try to write it down it doesn't make sense enough to be clear in what I want to say to her. I just feel stuck, scared and wanting some help. I think my therapist is wonderful and I want to tell her everything. But I'm just so scared and I don't even really know what it is I want to tell her. I'm just so confused and feeling like I'm getting nowhere.
God this might not even make much sense to you all. But if you've gotten to this point that means you read it. And I appreciate that.

Thanks for listening

Sponsors Lightbulb
Old 07-06-2005, 07:04 PM   #2
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Utah
Posts: 373
maggie043 HB User
Re: I'm really struggling

I could feel your heart in your post. I'm sorry for your pain. I often have those same problems you talk about when I see my therapist, its like the words are in my head but ED jumbles them up and I feel paralyzed. I wonder about recovery too - what does that mean anyway! I too have been eating but my insides especially the ED thoughts in my head are the same nothing has changed so then I get very confused. I feel like I am foggy most of the time. It almost like if you are eating then treatment teams believe you are most certainly on your way even though we feel the same and almost more scared then ever because the coping of starving or puking is taken away and we are left with what? I am sending you positive regards I wish I could be more help...take care

Old 07-06-2005, 08:32 PM   #3
Senior Veteran
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: SK, Canada
Posts: 1,231
SammyT HB User
Re: I'm really struggling

Aaw Lauren. we're with yah . sorry to hear ur having a ruff time lately. i can relate with the whole obsessive mind with food and excercise. its a pain. i missed 2 workouts and man am i stressin, but i have been really tired lately and my sisters are down and i HATE excerising in front of ppl and i have such a small house the living room is the only place to do it. please take care..

Closed Thread

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
Really struggling could use some support Lizardwoman85 Fibromyalgia 19 02-08-2009 02:11 PM
Dumbfounded and Bewildered... My BF did something really stupid. stawberryhill Relationship Health 27 04-23-2007 08:06 AM
Really Struggling Right Now!!! case1 Eating Disorder Recovery 10 12-19-2006 07:32 PM
Really, really struggling today k_2005 Eating Disorder Recovery 4 12-13-2006 12:05 PM
Do Antidepressants Really Work? anxiousagain Depression 11 10-22-2006 12:58 PM
Confused and really struggling x-Princess-x Teen Health 11 09-07-2006 12:35 PM
I really need some advice southern_belle Relationship Health 13 03-28-2005 04:18 PM
Life really does get better...... Grateful2BSober Addiction & Recovery 1 10-27-2003 04:55 PM
New here and really struggling right now Help me please! girl-interrupted Eating Disorder Recovery 1 04-02-2003 10:37 AM
How much should I eat? Really struggling- Help please! gymkitten Exercise & Fitness 1 07-18-2002 09:54 AM

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off

Sign Up Today!

Ask our community of thousands of members your health questions, and learn from others experiences. Join the conversation!

I want my free account

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 09:43 AM.

Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.comô
© 1998-2018 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!