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Old 09-04-2005, 08:31 PM   #1
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Texas
Posts: 3
hope6 HB User
Arrow New. Need Help

Hey all. Im new to this eating disorders message board... i like to post on these when im feeling triggered, it helps keep me in check.

A little about me.. Ive never actually been diagnosed w/an ed.. and that fact alone is the main driving force keeping me hooked(can anyone relate??) i feel like once im "bad" enough to be diagnosed, I'll be able to allow myself to recover.. but i know thats the mantra of eating disorders.. your NEVER good enough; no matter what. im borderline of A.N and fall into the category of having "bulimiarexia". (so im ednos) and i hate that category- way too broad. im all about the labels thing; if you cant already tell. anyways.. im a college freshman this yr. its scary and intense, and anything that goes wrong takes me back to the false safety of my eating disorder. i just want out . i want help, but i cant convince myself that i REALLY need it.. i tried it out a little this summer(well i was forced) but i just felt too guilty; there are so many more people who need help over me... (the illness talking again)

I hope that some of you can relate to this. It really helps chatting w/people who understand. Sometimes just being able to say "this sucks" and hear "i know" is more comforting than anything...

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Old 09-04-2005, 08:55 PM   #2
Senior Member
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 107
Bjd24 HB User
Re: New. Need Help

i do know exactly how you feel. i do however do not think that you should not get help because you think that there are other people who need help more then you. if you need help you should get it, ASAP because you dont want tp wait until it is to late.

Old 09-05-2005, 05:57 AM   #3
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Bristol, Connecticut
Posts: 306
firewtr38 HB User
Re: New. Need Help

hey hope, welcome! I can relate too! God I always used to think that when it got "bad enough" I'd be able to get better. The thing about ED is that it tricks you into thinking that and by the time you get "bad enough" it's REALLY hard to get back on track. The sooner you get help the better it will be. I also can relate to those conflicting messages about wanting to get better but not at the same time.
If you are a college freshman are you living at school? or even if you aren't, there's probably a lot of free help on the campus. That might be a place to start.
Hang in and keep posting

Old 09-05-2005, 06:55 AM   #4
Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Witney Oxfordshire
Posts: 144
Hannie HB User
Re: New. Need Help

Hey hope, welcome, these boards really are fab - and a great help!

I can TOTALLY relate to what you are saying, ive never been diagnosed with an ED Either, ive been to a psychitrist who specialises with ED's once, and becasue I was very against talking to her, she said she didnt know if I had an ED or not, becasuse I wasnt opening up.....anywayz.......I know (sorta, everyone is different) how you feel.
I always think that if no one can tell I have an ED then I obviously dont, some of my characteristics dont even fall in to the "diagnosis" of a person with ANA, MIA, or an ED. And that gets on my nerves cause i never know what I am. Im not bulimic - tho I have made myself sick a couple of times before - just depends I guess,
If your a college freshman, how old does that make you, 16-17? or 18! Sorry im English and its all different over here lol!
Everyone with an ED (even if its not a big one) needs Help. However much we convince ourselves that we dont. I put off therapy for soooooo long, and I wouldnt have gone if it had been my choice, as my mum made me. I dunno -! I hated it, but dont let that put you off at all - Im sure it has been a great help to me - I just dont realise it yet. And every experience is different.
I hope you are feeling well today.
Keep posting!

Lotsa love and luck

X Hannie X

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