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    Old 10-27-2005, 11:46 AM   #1
    Cutie14
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    New to Board - Suffering from Binge Eating Disorder

    hello everyone!
    I joined this board about a year ago but have not written in almost 6 months. I'm 20 years old and for the past 2 years have been suffering from binge eating. I binge at least 2 times a week and no one around me knows about it. Here's my story: 4 years ago I unintentionally lost weight and got down to a healthy 130 pounds for my 5'6 frame. However, when I entered college stress and alone time caused me to start eating the fattening food I had never even dared to lay a hand on. Once I started gaining weight I tried to "diet" and screwed myself up big time. I would try and stop eating the "bad" foods only to binge big time on them later. I started skipping meals to make up for the big calorie binges I would have. Today at 157 pounds I am trying to lose the weight only to keep failing. I would love for some support and maybe even a buddy who is in a similar position to help me overcome this ed. Please help!! Thanks!

     
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    Old 10-27-2005, 03:30 PM   #2
    Jonistyle2
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    Re: New to Board - Suffering from Binge Eating Disorder

    Cutie,

    I don't have much time but I just wanted to take a second to welcome you to the boards and let you know that i'm glad you're back. As i'm sure you already know, you'll find a lot of support and empathy here, so coming back is a great, brave decision.

    I'm sorry you're having such a rough time. my situation's different than yours, but i too suffer from binge eating problems and i know how difficult binging makes everything. it throws everything off kilter. you don't want to eat ANYTHING the next day and you feel like crap, but you know by restricting you're just setting yourself up for another binge. it sucks! plus the fast and obvious weight gain doesn't help any either.

    i do want to let you know there's hope, though. i've done pretty good at stopping my binges almost completely, except for a few random slip ups over the past two weeks, which i am determined not to be discouraged by. (i'm anorexic by the way, but have had HUGE binge eating problems for about the past year.) i've been in therapy and it REALLY helps, so i strongly recommend you consider that. we work on lots of ways to eat the foods i like so i don't feel deprived (heck, i eat a big dessert every day on my diet plan!) and we really work on ways to prevent binging. so yeah, i'd really think about therapy. ED's are tough things and i really don't think you can conquer it (at least once you're pretty far into it, which it sounds like you are) without professional help.

    trying to lose weight probably isn't the best idea, although you might hate to hear that. restricting is what led to binging in the first place, and unfortunately honey, nothing's changed with that it seems. seeing a nutritionist (if you don't want to go to therapy) to work out a eating plan might work. you will probably lose weight (naturally and healthily, NOT by restricting) if you can stop binging, which is why i'd strongly recommend some therapy to help you along.

    but you can do it! also, check out "Overcoming Binge Eating" (i forget the author). it's a book designed to help you stop binging on your own (without therapy). i read it right before i started therapy and it was really informative and helpful. basically, what the author prescribes you do is kind of like what my therapist tells me to do, so it seems like he's well-informed! i don't think it would've worked with me cuz i have too many anorexia issues (super fear of gaining, inability to stop counting calories, need to control and count everything i eat, etc.), but that's not to say it won't work for you! so that might be a good thing to try!

    anyway, now i REALLY gotta go (this ended up being way longer than i anticipated! i guess i just can't resist a fellow binger in pain! j/k!). but good luck and i'll talk more to you soon!

     
    Old 10-27-2005, 05:23 PM   #3
    tired and angry
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    Re: New to Board - Suffering from Binge Eating Disorder

    Hey! quite a random comment but that author ur talkin about is leading a research project through which i am about to get treatment. Trust me that guy knows what hes talkin about. I would definately read that book. If nothing else, it makes u realise that all ur "peculiar" habits are actually probably quite common amoung other people with eds!

    Suzanne
    xxx

     
    Old 10-27-2005, 05:24 PM   #4
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    Re: New to Board - Suffering from Binge Eating Disorder

    oh his name is dr fairburn btw!!

     
    Old 10-27-2005, 06:05 PM   #5
    Cutie14
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    Re: New to Board - Suffering from Binge Eating Disorder

    Thanks for your response! and I know you are completly right. I do have to stop dieting b/c that's what's leading me to binge even more. I have tried soooo hard to adopt a healthy eating mindset (which is what allowed me to lose weight in the first place) but now it's like I obsess over it. I hate this. On the days where I don't binge.. I am fine.. I can eat healthy and am fine. But on those bingeing days I eat everything that I don't even wanna eat. I have developed this bad habit. In the past.. it never would have occurred to me to eat that big amount of food... it sickens me to think the way I eat.. I don't wanna eat that way.. I hate it!!!! But I just lose control. I tend to use my bingeing as means of coping with my emotions. How do I stop this? I saw a Nutritionost last week and she told me that I need structure to my diet.. But she gave me a 1500 calorie plan.. which I feel may be a bit too restrictive for my 5'6 frame and 157 pounds. or does that sound about right? I'm just used to eating so much. I will do fine on most days but then about 2-3 days/week I will binge.. It;s a vicious cycle and I hate it!! Nobody knows about my bingeing (everyone only sees me eating healthy) so getting therapy is difficult... and i know that my bingeing is more about dealing with my emotions and feelings.. in the past I used to be out and about all day and when I came home my family was always there.. so it never occurred to me to binge.. but now that I am home by myself for almost 4 hours everyday.. I use that tiime to binge...I don't know what else to do! Thank you everyone for listening!

     
    Old 10-30-2005, 01:48 AM   #6
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    Re: New to Board - Suffering from Binge Eating Disorder

    Hi Cutie,
    I haven't been around for awhile but I really do need this board. First of all, I do TOTALLY understand what you are talking about. I too am a binge eater in recovery. My last binge was this past week. I do know that my binge eating is emotionally based. Last week I was REALLY stressed because we have a home in Florida and after the hurricane I was not sure it was still there. I was doing fine until the security company called and said the alarm was going off and it was caused by the sliding glass door. We live in Maryland and there was no way I could do anything about that. I got so nervous and I binged for three days. Well, that is all behind me now and I am ready to begin again.
    I have found out several things about myself and binging. I used to go to weight watchers and after each meeting I would wind up binging. After giving this quite a lot of thought I think it was because I couldn't handle knowing what the number on the scale said. So, if I decide to do WW again, then I must tell them not to tell me how much I weigh. If I go up I binge and if I lose I binge. Now, I don't know why. I now know that the only way that works for me is not to look at a scale. The other thing is I was trying to eat healthy and write in a journal. I am actually following a program. I was doing really well until I got to the step where I was to totally give up sugar. Well, needless to say that won;t work for me. I can decide not to eat sugar but I cannot tell myself no more sugar. I find all this to be quite interesting how I have to constantly try and fool myself into all of this to keep from binging. So, I do indeed know what you are talking about. Jackie

     
    Old 11-01-2005, 05:08 AM   #7
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    Re: New to Board - Suffering from Binge Eating Disorder

    Hello everybody,
    This is my first post on these boards. Before I was reading and reading and even though I could relate to all the pain people feel the situation they described did not quite fit mine. This thread however is totally about me.
    And since we are sharing some insights I thought I'd share mine.
    I am not going to write down the history of my eating disorder, it would be too long, and besides, from what I've seen it is really common to all of us.
    I'll just write about how I'm treating it. I do not go to therapy but I have read every book available out there about cognitive therapy. And several months ago I said to myself that I am going on this journey to recover from binge eating, and it is not going to be instantaneous and i will gain weight (and I did) but I have to go through it because I want this to be over for the rest of my life. So the first stem was to stop hating myself after every binge. This was the hardest part, because I have managed to do that only in the past week or so. If I binge and hate myself after that, I try to diet, then binge more. It's hard to sleep, hard to study (I'm in the university), hard to even talk. But in the past week I have noticed that if I say to myslef after a binge: "I ate this food because I chose to eat it. Most of it was not very tasty so I'll try not to eat it next time. Go on..." . I learned that the most important thing is not to try and restrict my eating. no dieting. no calories. It was hard for me to get used to the thought of no more calories, because I know them by heart now. But think about it, there are people who know nothing about calories, and if they eat only to satisfy hunger they don't gain weight. If they do, they cut the quantity of food, cut the extras, and never start a new "meal plan".
    Thats my insights so far. It works for me bacause i now longer get severely depressed after each episode. I hope it can help others as well.

     
    Old 11-01-2005, 05:22 AM   #8
    Cutie14
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    Re: New to Board - Suffering from Binge Eating Disorder

    I understand what you are saying S K Y.. but am I ever going to get over this? I have been trying to lose weight forever... and nothing!!! how am I supposed to get over this? I don't want to go to therapy b/c I feel that's unnecessary.. I feel like I should be able to get over this on my own.. It's all in MY power.. but I get so weak.. I ate so well and healthy the past 3 days so why did I feel the need to binge this morning.. Now I can't eat anything the whole rest of the day b/c I used up all my calories..

     
    Old 11-01-2005, 03:59 PM   #9
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    Re: New to Board - Suffering from Binge Eating Disorder

    But if you forget about calories, and about depriving yourself and punishing yourself you will start eating just for the original purpose of it.
    Binges are not going to stop right away only because you want them to. I am trying to recover for more than half a year now and they still occur. But I also learned that if you do not bully yourself, you do not get depressed, and you have more power to go on.
    Now, I am just trying to work on my binges, so I decided to eat regularly and even if I overeat,I eat again, as much as I want to feel good.
    Dealing with binge eating is not the same as dealing with unhealthy eating habbits. It is not about learning to control our portions. It is about learning how to be around food and not loose control. I know the feeling of loosing control very well: I start eating because I am hungry. But I am so tense because I know there is a chance I am going to binge. So I eat, and every bite I take I think about how much calories that is. And then, all of the sudden, just a few moments before I am about to say that I am not hungry anymore, a switch turns on in my head, and it feels like I'm drowning and the only way that I can survive and get some air is if inhale more food. So I do that, I inhale and inhale..until i cannot move anymore. And this sense of panic stays with me for 2-3 days.
    So in the past week, after the last binge I decided that when I sit down to eat Iam not going to think about calories. I'll just eat, whatever I really want. And stop when I'm full..as full as I like..sometimes more..sometimes less. But when I stop, I stop. And then i go on with the rest of the day. Until I'm hungry again.
    I read about the problems with restriction and "self punishment" a long time ago. It was hard to strat doing that. really hard. (half a year of binges and a lot of gain weight) but I know that If I don't get through with this now, I will suffer from this for the rest of my life.

     
    Old 11-03-2005, 02:08 PM   #10
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    Re: New to Board - Suffering from Binge Eating Disorder

    I do agree with you Sky. I've also read parts of a book called Overcoming Overeating, and the whole idea behind it is to become comfortable eating and to stop dieting forever. As much as it scares me to think about never dieting again for fear of gaining way too much weight, it would be amazing what I could accomplish and do with all the time I waste worrying about what I eat everyday. I go through periods of time where I just eat whatever I want, like the book says. And honestly, I end up binging the least then. I do eat a lot more than I would if I were "dieting" but I'm so much less worried and distracted with eating. Unfortunately I still do binge. Usually a lot. But like you said, I'm trying really hard not to worry and get so upset when I do. I just have to accept the fact that I chose to eat what I ate.

    I started to realize that I needed to move on and no be depressed after I binged because my relationship with my boyfriend was really beginning to suffer. I was too imbarrised to tell him that I had binging problems. So I'd end up really depressed some nights and I'd keep to myself, and it really bothered him. It put a lot of distance between us. I finally ended up telling him, and it really helped the situation. It made me feel a lot more comfortable and he even tries to help and understand what I'm going through. I would suggest telling someone you're close to about your problem. It helps just knowing that someone else knows.

    I think the best thing for all of us is just to keep reading eachother's posts. Every little bit of encouragement helps. It does for me at least.

    As a final statement, in the book Overcoming Overeating there was one particular part that I found really amusing and it made me realize how much time and energy I was wasting worrying about food...

    "Imagine that some strange gas has just been injected into the earth's atmosphere. The moment you inhale this gas it becomes impossible for you ever to gain or lose weight again. Not a pound. Not an ounce. Your body will remain in its present shape for the rest of your life.

    Imagine that for the rest of your life your weight will stay exactly as it is right now. Ask yourself what you would do. Would you continue to berate yourself for your shape once you accept the fantasy that your body will never change? Would you continue to wear uncomfortable clothing if you knew that your weight was not going anywhere? Would you run five miles today? Would you stay away from the beach forever? Would you continue to "feast" on celery and carrot sticks, or would you relax and eat what you want?"

    Just something to think about.

     
    Old 11-04-2005, 05:24 AM   #11
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    Re: New to Board - Suffering from Binge Eating Disorder

    I've read that book..and so many others..and I started rereading them now.
    It takes time for the things they write about in there to actually settle in.

    I was doing well for 3 days..then yesterday I had a binge...but I know this time is different because usually when I start binging it's for at lest 2-3 days. But yesterday before going to bed I told myself that I have to move on. And if I can't make the binges disappear, at least I can make them shorter.
    I hope I'll be up to it. It is the first time I'm useing a message board for support as well, so maybe this will help as well.

    Regarding getting support from somebody close, I am married, and my husband kind of knows about my eating problem, but he has been with me since I was 16 (now I'm 22) and he was through all my diets..and he just thinks I should diet it off. I am really fighting this.
    One thing he also does is when I'm about to start binging he tries to get me out of the kitchen...being all funny and nice..but it makes me SOOOO angry..If I decided that I am going to binge I don't want anybody to touch me. But I know he is only trying to help me. He even asked me how he should help..I couln't tell him how so I told him to not say anything when I binge or comment on what or how much I eat.
    Was that a smart thing to do? Do you know how somebody close to you can help? Do you get help from anybody except a therapist? (I don't have a therapist by the way).

     
    Old 11-04-2005, 06:12 AM   #12
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    Re: New to Board - Suffering from Binge Eating Disorder

    I don't have a therapist either. And I've had similar problems with my boyfriend. Sometimes he'll comment on what and how much I'm eating and it really makes me angry too. What does help though is when he tells me is okay and I should eat what I want. He really tries not to comment anymore. So that makes me feel better. I also usually don't binge when he's around. He's never actually seen me binge. I only do it when he's not around. So I'm not sure if it's good or bad to have your husband just stay quiet. Maybe being angry is a good thing. Maybe you need that. I know a lot of the binging is because of built up emotions not being able to get out. Maybe just showing some emotion, getting angry, will help you feel better and stop you from binging. You just need to make sure your husband realizes that you're not actually angry at him even though it may seem that way. Ultimately you're angry with yourself for binging or wanting to binge. I don't really know. The hardest part is the fact that no one else really understands how it feels to binge unless they've done it.

     
    Old 11-11-2005, 07:22 PM   #13
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    Re: New to Board - Suffering from Binge Eating Disorder

    Cutie 14 I can totally relate to your binging. I've been on an uncontrollable binge for the last 2 weeks. I binge, hate myself because I binged, start the next day saying that I won't loose control and then before the day is over I've done the whole routine again. No one knows about my binging either. Everyone thinks that I just eat "healthy" foods. They don't know that I go home and eat a whole bag of chips, my daughter's Halloween candy, and pretty much anything else that I can get my hands on. Some of the food I don't even like and I still continue stuffing it into my mouth. I haven't read any books on binging and can't afford to see a therapist. I may go tomorrow and purchase a book to read. How many calories are you trying to limit yourself to? I certainly can relate to knowing how many calories are in everything that I put into my mouth. Calories consume my every day existence.

     
    Old 11-14-2005, 12:36 AM   #14
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    Re: New to Board - Suffering from Binge Eating Disorder

    This maybe off the topic but i heard this medication called 'topamax' helps with people with bulimia. I used to be bulimic.. now i'm anorexic.. but i think i am losing that sense of control mentally.. and i feel like sooner or later i will probably start bingeing again, as my body has been in starvation mode for so long!! I have bipolar as well and this medication apparently helps with that (which i haven't used this yet) and helps with bulmia which also suppresses your diet! Most people who went on it have lost alot of weight because they stopped thinking about food..causing them to not binge!!

    I'm going to the dr tmr to try and get a prescription of this tmr~ Hope this helps~

     
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