It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Eating Disorder Recovery Message Board

  • Why did I weigh myself?

  • Post New Thread   Closed Thread
    Thread Tools Search this Thread
    Old 05-25-2006, 08:42 AM   #76
    LS289
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    Join Date: Jul 2004
    Posts: 937
    LS289 HB User
    Re: Why did I weigh myself?

    Pinstriped,
    That is so wonderful! Seriously, keep that photo with you all the time and look at it periodically b/c it will probably be the most motivating factor in your recovery. I look back on pictures of myself when I am healthy and glowing and it makes me sad. I was just so happy! But it is really motivating, too, because I know I can get back to that feeling, ya know?

    I'm feeling really down today. I woke up and didn't want to eat my "big" breakfast (b/c I had eaten out last night and felt like I had eaten a lot), but then I went ahead and made it anyway. Now I just feel like I failed in some way - so different from how I felt when I ate the breakfast the other morning. I felt energetic and lighthearted the other morning after eating a big breakfast, but today I feel like I failed myself in some way and like I should go exercise (even though I know I'm not supposed to). I feel like I am going to go out of control and just eat eat eat.

    The WORST thing happened to me at the doctor yesterday. I went in for a checkup and when they were walking me back they said "We'll just stop at the scale to get your weight." "OK." I said (knowing I wasn't supposed to see the number, but secretly wanting to. So the nurse put me on the scale and moved the weights around stopped at a weight - it was TEN pounds more than I usually weigh (or than I weighed 2 days before). My heart sank and I got SO upset. Walking back to the exam room I decided to mention something to the nurse. "Two days ago my weight was ten lbs less than that...is that normal? I think something might be wrong." "Really?" she said "Let's go check that again."
    It turns out she had set the weight on the wrong number and it balanced incorrectly, but my weight was still up a couple of lbs. I should have been relieved, but then I just felt bad that it was up at ALL. Especially after only one day of following my meal plan to a T. Shouldn't it take MONTHS or at least WEEKS (like you, Joni???) I hate this - I can't even eat normally one day without gaining weight - is that the conclusion?

     
    Sponsors Lightbulb
       
    Old 05-25-2006, 10:07 AM   #77
    Jonistyle4
    Senior Member
    (female)
     
    Jonistyle4's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Apr 2006
    Posts: 267
    Jonistyle4 HB User
    Re: Why did I weigh myself?

    oooo, that scale at the doctor thing, ugh! i totally understand about knowing you should just say "i don't want to see the number," but then secretly wanting to see it AND not wanting to have to say that cuz then the nurse will "know" you have an ed, you know? if it makes you feel any better, i've never been brave enough to ask not to see the number either. mine has always been the same/under my scale at home though, so it hasn't been such an issue (at least yet).

    here's the REALLY IMPORTANT thing to remember, okay? scales -- ALL of them, even the doctor ones -- are basically crap. they don't match up to each other from the doctor, to the gyno, to the one at the gym, to yours at home, etc. you've gotta keep telling yourself that, okay? i'm sure that's all it is. you're EXACTLY the same weight you were a couple days ago, it's just that the NUMBER on one scale is different from the number on another, you know? so don't let that get you down, it means NOTHING unless you've been regularly weighing yourself on that specific scale, you know?

    you're doing good, hon, but i'm still worried. "DO NOT let your guard down" is the best advice i can give you right now. Ed is right there under the surface with you right now and all he needs is a teensy bit of mindspace to get in and he'll be pushing back to get control. so just keep fighting REALLY hard. you've had a lot of slip-ups and undereating problems, so EXPECT that that is the area where Ed will try to regain control. EXPECT that you aren't going to want to stick to your meal plan, cuz i can guarantee you that you ARE NOT going to want to. (or rather, ED isn't going to want you to). and then give that voice a big "f*** you!" and eat whatever it is you're supposed to eat. this is a very testy time for you right now and i think you're doing REALLY great so far. it's hard and anxiety-ridden and frustrating as he**, but it WILL get better if you just stick to it and keep fighting, okay? (i know you can!)

    i've been having a sort of rough/sort of good time lately too. i'm up to 128 (wahoo! ... sort of ... i'm sure you know what i mean, lol!), but i am feeling WORLD CLASS FAT FAT FAT! But, on the other hand, i'm fighting it pretty good, i think. i've been feeling like a regular porker lately and my legs have been getting REALLY swollen up and fatty at night (this started when i was binging and the only reason i can think that it still happens at night is cuz i eat near-binge levels (in terms of calories) of food, you know?) i just hate having the buddha belly/constipated belly EVERY DAY from eating so much food, you know? but i've been trying REALLY hard to LIKE what i see and to say to myself, "you'll get to lose the buddha belly and swollen legs soon, sweetie, cuz you KNOW both of those are just a result of overeating. so as soon as you gain 2 more little pounds, you get to eat LESS and not stuff yourself every single night!" and i AM liking my body as it "fills out" a bit (minus the full tummy, lol), so that's really good. i like not looking so "scary" and "risky" skinny, you know? anyway, jsut some thoughts. have a good day!

     
    Old 05-25-2006, 03:53 PM   #78
    LS289
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    Join Date: Jul 2004
    Posts: 937
    LS289 HB User
    Re: Why did I weigh myself?

    Hey Jo,
    Thanks for the reality check. I'm still having a REALLY hard day with everything. Why? Well, here is a list of the reasons.
    a) I've been eating "normally" and following my meal plan
    b) I'm not going to the gym.
    c) I look in the mirror and, yeah, I am thin - but I swear to g*d I am normal thin. This isn't a distorted view here...
    and I guess there is no d).
    I am about to go to IOP so I will bring these thoughts up in group, but I just have this urge to say "why the he** am I being forced to gain weight? Just because I'm not fat? I feel perfectly fine now and I can go out and eat normally...at least that's how I feel right now. I know that is premature and I would fail if I quit IOP at this point b/c I know I'd fall right back into ED's trap, but I just feel so FINE. And I LOOK so fine, too. I almost wish you could see a picture of me and then I think you'd be like "Oh, nevermind - you are fine, sweetie!!"
    I am scared of where my "set point" is. What if I just keep going up and up and up and up and up and find out that my set point is 180 or something ridiculous!? I have an interesting question - what percentage of recovered anorexics are overweight? I could see it going both ways - either they are still somewhat concerned about their weight so they are normal or on the thin side. Or they have completely surrendered their ED and they are overweight now and loving life. I am just curious what happens most often. Anyone know?

    Sorry for the negative post. I am just so confused right now b/c one day I am totally motivated...yay recovery! But then the next day I see myself as any Joe Shmo on the street - healthy, full, and happy. Do I really need to be in this program? I don't think I should be gaining weight -honestly.

    Oh and by the way, Joni - I am SO happy to hear that you have put on another (miniscule) amount of weight - haha. At least you don't eat your meal plan for ONE MEASELY little day and put on 2 lbs. I've been at it a fraction of how long you've been at it and we're almost the same weight already. I'm so frustrated.
    But I know what you mean about feeling good about not looking "scary" skinny like you did before. That is a really self-conscious feeling and you get a lot of "ew" looks on the street (whether you notice it or not). I do it to other people, too, so I know it happens.
    Anyway,. keep on trekkin. How is the cake situation going? If you don't want cake, DON'T EAT IT. But if you do, then great! Honestly, the worst thing you could do is eat or not eat to please other people. Listen to JONI. That is what this recovery process is all about. Listening to what you really want and need and not judging yourself.

    XO!
    LS

     
    Closed Thread

    Related Topics
    Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
    is it possible to weigh a lot and not look fat? ena18 Exercise & Fitness 7 04-13-2010 09:00 AM
    Do you weigh a lot but not as big? Jason27 Exercise & Fitness 4 10-02-2006 07:19 AM
    How much should I weigh????? Teressa64 Weight Loss 7 07-03-2003 09:40 AM




    Thread Tools Search this Thread
    Search this Thread:

    Advanced Search

    Posting Rules
    You may not post new threads
    You may not post replies
    You may not post attachments
    You may not edit your posts

    BB code is On
    Smilies are On
    [IMG] code is Off
    HTML code is Off
    Trackbacks are Off
    Pingbacks are Off
    Refbacks are Off




    Sign Up Today!

    Ask our community of thousands of members your health questions, and learn from others experiences. Join the conversation!

    I want my free account

    All times are GMT -7. The time now is 06:00 AM.





    © 2021 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
    Do not copy or redistribute in any form!