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    Old 02-25-2001, 08:06 AM   #1
    Ali6699
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    Post Dizzy and Weak

    Hello, Ali here, how is everyone doing? Me, not so good. Lately i have been getting dizzy all the time and i am so weak. i walk around feeling like i am going to faint at any moment. I feel like i am killing myself but i can't stop. I don't even go near food.

    i've been basically dropping .5 to sometimes 1 lb a day. I am back down to 110 which for 5'8 i know is not good. I am sooo weak right now, and i don't think anyone can make me better except myself. i want to get better but i am sooo afraid of food. I don't know why. i was never heavy. i started dieting at 127.
    I would, also, like to order books online. My mom agreed and said i could and i was wonderng what would be the best choices and where do you find them... janet: i read your post and my mom and i agreed to read these books together. I feel so bad because she doesn't know what to do anymore and she barely understands. I barely understand myself why i continue this misery. I keep lying to my mom and my therapist saying i eat fine... but i know i don't. I am not in denial, well i am in a way but deep down i know what i am doing.

    Its not even about weight anymore. I don't know what it is about. I think i am too skinny right now but i never want to gain 1 more pound. i just want to kepp losing and losing and.....

    Anyways which books are very helpful?? My mom and i are going to read them together at night and any replies would be helpful!~
    Thanks again,
    Ali

     
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    Old 02-25-2001, 08:32 AM   #2
    angel021599
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    Ali,
    My heart ached when I read your post. You have to be honest with your mother and your therapist or you will never get better. Please try to take small steps. Its terrifying but we're all here to give you strength. The fact that you're dizzy and weak all the time is your body telling you there is something wrong. I feel hypocritical writing all of this to you especially when I am not taking care of myself the way I should. If only those of with ED's were as kind to ourselves as we are to our friends and family...
    I have many good books in my ED library. The one Janet talked of the Deadly Diet is a good one. Another book is Surviving an Eating Disorder Strategies for Family and Friends by Michelle Siegel, PH.D. ANother easy read not very scientific book is Dying to be Thin by Ira M Sacker, M.D. I have many other books I enjoyed reading as well. Some are autobiographies of girls with eating disorders and others are more scientific are harder to get through but the information is good.
    PLEASE try to be honest with your mom and therapist or the eating disorder will take more control of you than it already has. If you ever need to talk I'm here for you.

    Please keep fighting!
    Lots of love,
    Mindy


    [This message has been edited by moderator1 (edited 06-26-2001).]

     
    Old 02-25-2001, 10:07 AM   #3
    janetc
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    Ali: I started reading the deadly diet yesterday. It has helped me so much to understand more about this disease. Please get this book and go through the exercises with your mother. I agree with Mindy, please be honest to your mother, therapist and most of all to yourself. They can help you, but only if you help yourself. You've got to be strong and confront this fear. I've told you and others over an over again, God has not give us the spirit of fear, but of love, and of power and a sound mind. Whenever the fear of food confronts you, you need to speak this and ask God's help.

    I don't know how all of you feel about having mothers on the board. It has helped me so much. It might be helpful to your mother for you to share some of the thoughts that you've read on the board. It might help her to understand more how to give you the support you need to get through this.

    I think that it is great that you are going to go through the books with your mother. The deadly diet book will help you to control the voices and the fear you have about food.

    I will continue to remember you in prayer. We are standing with you and God is with you. Just call on him and he will give you the strength and desire to live and take control of your life again.

    Luv -- Janet

     
    Old 02-25-2001, 07:57 PM   #4
    janetc
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    Ali: I've been so worried about you all night. I prayed for you all during church. I hope you are doing okay. Dizzy spells are not good. Please tell your mother what's going on. It sounds like you have an electrolyte inbalance. Your potassium level is probably very low. You need to eat a banana and other foods with potassium. You need to see your doctor as soon as possible. Your weight, heart, pulse, and electrolyte needs to be monitored on a weekly basis. I don't want to scare you, but this imbalance can be a matter of life and death. You need to be eating at least 2000 calories a day. Anything less than 1200 calories is starvation. Please try to eat more. You can do this, you can't give up. You are too young to throw your life away. Life is too precious to loose.

    We are here for you whenever you need to talk.

    Luv Janet


     
    Old 02-27-2001, 10:58 AM   #5
    Ali6699
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    Hello, Coming back to this board is always so depressing. Not that you guys aren't supportive.... that's quite the opposite.
    It just seems like at one moment i am doing much better and the next i am right back down the pipe-hole again.
    Its so disappointing to me, but i feel like i can not stopt this.

    Well anyways with that said, it seems as if i am SLOWLY getting better. I gained 1 pound. I weigh 111 now. My mom took me to dinner last night (and left my brother abd step day home )
    well i had a really good veegtable soup and salad. It seemes like a lot to me but i ate most of it. My mom and me talked a lot last night. And i explained to her the joy i get when my weight goes down on our scale.
    Well as always i an still confused about what is going to happen to me!~
    I am ordered some books online, thanks for the replie angel and Janet.
    Luv,
    Ali http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/confused.gif

     
    Old 02-27-2001, 11:00 AM   #6
    Ali6699
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    Lol, sorry about all the spelling mistakes. i guess i was typing a little too fast and not paying attention. Ok well anyways Bye again!~
    Ali

     
    Old 02-27-2001, 02:22 PM   #7
    angel021599
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    Ali,
    Congrats, babe you're doing great! There are so many bumps along the road to recovery I've found. You just need to pick yourself back up and keep walking. I've found reading books on anorexia very helpful, a really good book is Wasted by Marya Hornbacher. It is an honest account of what life with an eating disorder is like and how recovery is a life long process. I'm here for you if you ever need me.
    Love,
    Mindy

     
    Old 02-28-2001, 01:31 PM   #8
    Ali6699
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    Hey angel, Thanks for the info, I ordered the book and really look forward in reading it!~ It will keep me out of those pro anorexia sites and i think it will help me egt a different perspective of my ED. I have come to the conclusion that i do not want to lose anymore weight. (5'8, 110) so that is a good start. But the bad thing is i also don't want to gain anymore weight which i know i am going to have to and soon!~ I feel perfect where i am. but i also know it is nt healthy
    Thanks again!~
    Luv ya
    Ali

     
    Old 02-28-2001, 02:16 PM   #9
    angel021599
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    Ali,
    One step at a time....its good that you don't want to lose more weight and in time you will see that 110 is not enough for someone who is 5'8". As long as you keep fighting....The book was a very emotional one for me to read but it was the first realistic book about eating disorders I ever read. Hang in there, sweetie.
    Love,
    Mindy

     
    Old 02-28-2001, 07:55 PM   #10
    janetc
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    Ali: I'm so glad that you came back to the board. I was so worried about you. I'm beginning to feel like you all are my daughters. I wish that I could take all of you in and make your lives better.

    I'm glad that you have gain another pound. I know that you can do this. As Anna stated in another post today, You need to take baby steps. Start adding a little more calories each day. Julia is doing this and it has been very helpful to her. I think that I told you and the others in another message that she is at 115 now. She told me today that she is feeling so much better and has much more energy now. As I told Mindy tonight in the response to her message. You can't give up. You've got to continue to fight this. Read my message to Mindy. This same message applies to your and all of the others on the board. God can give you the strength. You just have to choose to give him this problem, call on his name and he will give you the strength to overcome.

    I too am here for you whenever you need me.

    I hope your day tomorrow will be filled with joy and happiness. You deserve it.

    Luv you!!!

    Janet

     
    Old 03-04-2001, 10:31 AM   #11
    Ali6699
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    Hello!~ here is an update:
    Well Yesterday morning when i weighed myself b4 i went to the beach and it said 108.1 exactly. I knew that i neevr wanted to get that low and all my friends joked around all day about how i look anorexic. i was mad but i pretended i didn't care and laughed with them.

    Well that totally set me staright into eating right. I know i want to get healthy and one day even have kids if it is not too late. So yesterday was the first day since i can actually remember where i ate really well and did not feel guilty about it (well not too much). I had fruit for breakfast, a chicken sandwich and fries for lunch, and a nice normal sized salad for dinner.

    My parents were so proud of me. but they actually told me they wanted me to eat a little more than that. Like have healthy snakcs in between. but i am not ready for that.... that will be next weeks challenge! Well i think i am heading down the road to recovery (**fingers crossed!**). I wieghed 109.5 today after lunch which is better.

    The ting is that my doc said i have to get up to over 120 lbs to get my period back!! i don't want to do that. But i am just taking LITTLE baby steps right now and maybe one day soon i will never obsess over food! ohhh i wish!!

    Luv always,
    Ali

     
    Old 03-04-2001, 12:07 PM   #12
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    Ali Hi,

    It is strange how some things trigger us into seeing the reality of the situation. I am SO glad that your day at the beach did this for you. You have done SO brilliantly and you should feel intensely proud of yourself for managing so well yesterday. Keep it up you CAN get there and yeah your periods will restart and not necessarily at the weight the doc says, it could be earlier, it certainly was for me, if you continue to eat healthily and put on some weight then they have a good chance of re-starting.

    I am SO proud of you, you are doing SO well.

    Take care

    Love and Hugs

    anna


     
    Old 03-04-2001, 06:29 PM   #13
    janetc
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    Ali: I'm so proud of you. I'm glad that you have realized that you have this problem. This is the first step to recovery. Try to add more calories and fat back to your diet each day. Your body has been eating on your reserves and there is very little left. This is why you have not had your period. When you increase your calorie intake, your body will resume it's normal cycle.

    Julia is eating 2000 calories per day. We have her write down her calories each day. She has gradually gained a pound and 1/2 pounds a week. She's back up to 117 lbs. and is feeling much stronger.

    The following are some scripture verses that have helped me.

    Psalm 32:7 You (God) are my hiding place, you will protect me from trouble, and surround me with songs of deliverance.

    Psalm 3:8 From the Lord comes deliverance.

    Psalm 16:7 I will praise the Lord, who counsels me; even at night my heart instructs me.

    Nehemiah 8:10 The joy of the Lord is your strength.

    I will continue to pray for you that God will give you the strength to continue to take the baby steps each day. Let him become your hiding place and he will deliver you.

    Love you!

    Janet


     
    Old 03-08-2001, 01:16 PM   #14
    Ali6699
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    Just want to make this quick!~ well thanks again everyone for your replies (Janet, Mindy and Ann) they always help me! Although i wish i can say i am doing much better... this past week wasn't as good as i or everyone around me expected.

    don't want to put #'s like my previous posts, but let's just say i weighed the same at the doc that i did in my prev. post (i don't think that made a difference so sorry!)
    but anyways i am going to try again! i DO NOT want to be sent away !
    thanks for listening,
    ALi

     
    Old 03-08-2001, 01:17 PM   #15
    Ali6699
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    Hey again!~
    i forgot to mention that i haven't gotten dizzy lately or felt weak. i am still having trouble sleeping some nights but all in all i guess i am doing a little better
    Ok Bye again!~
    ALi

     
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