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Worried21 03-05-2003 07:15 PM

bullemic, singer, lump in throat when swallow, constant need to swallow
Hello all
Please help me.

I constantly feel like I have something in my throat and a need to swallow over an over again, but like something wont go down. I am not coughing up phlegm as much as a couple of weeks ago, but it still occurs, and its thick when it does. Colorless.

I discovered my singing voice late..sophomore year of college......after I already was bullemic.

I stopped for a summer, this past summer. I told one good friend.

Then I got back to college (its my senior yr) and i started to do it again. Not as often.

But this past winter, I was sick, and eating alot, and going out to bars, breathing in alot of smoke,etc.
One night, I puked and i felt as if I ripped something...not major though...and I was coughing up thick phlegm. In one "phlegm ball" was a spec (seriously, just a spec) of blood. Ive been paranoid ever since.

A week later I went to a psychologist and admitted my condition. She is referring me to a bullemia specialist.

I chickened out on telling two doctors to check my throat. One gave me a perscription for GUAIFENESIN, she said alot of singers take it to loosen congestion. She said I probably was still getting over being sick. I couldn't bring myself to admit the fact I am Bullemic to a doctor.

Yesterday I was feeling depressed and puked a bit. I stopped myself. It was very difficult. Now I regret it. A few days prior I pucked up bile becasue I drank too much vodka/beer the night before. I do not do the latter often.

I just practiced singing right now, I havent for a couple weeks, and the "something stuck in throat" feeling is amplified. It feels dry in one spot, and i feel a need to swallow, instead of clear my throat (cuz I know its bad for your vocal chords to do so). Is this because Im bullemic, or because I am still sick?

I am talented and it is a gift from god...but I fear I have ruined myself...I, pretty much, hate myself.

******Any suggesitons on what I might have? Where I might go? Who might know? Anything you can say is a huge help because I have found no information online directly relating to this. ANY experiences you can relate rthat have to do with the condition of my throat in particular relative to singing and bullemia is GREATLY appreciated.****

Please help inform me so I am am better able to judge the validity of any future diagnosis.


side note: I guarentee, once I am over this eating disorder, I am going to help others who have my problem. It is terrible to not understand something as basic as how to feed myself properly. It is something taken for granted, that needs to be made clearer to maturing individuals in this superficially based society.

youneeak 03-06-2003 06:00 PM

Hi Hon!! And welcome!!! :wave:

It's a great place. You asked about what you might "have" but you've already admitted to yoruself and others that you have an eating disorder! And that's a huge step. Seeing a doctor is the best idea, and the sooner you go the better your chances are that things will work out in your favor.

I know how you feel about wanting to help others, I think about that sometimes too.

Sorry I can't help more, I have a lot going on right now, but I will be back in a day or two :D Hang in there, girly, everything is ok in the end, if it's not ok, then it's not the end.


winterhorses 03-06-2003 10:14 PM

Hey there Worried-
I'm glad you joined the did the right thing by sharing your story and your feelings. It's helped me so much by being able to talk about things I can't tell anyone else about to people who have been and are going through exactly what I am.

Here's my experience with bulemia and singing. I don't want to scare you or say that our problems are the same, but maybe sharing what I'm going through can help you figure out what's going on with you. I was in a choir in college and studied voice for two years, but that was before I first began my bulemic episodes. I still sing a lot, but with my frequent purging now, it's a different experience. I often have to take a few days off to let my throat heal, especially after a day of purging multiple times. I've constantly got lots of phlegm in my throat, and I'm always clearing it because I have no choice - swallowing doesn't always work. That really affects my singing - my voice will be a bit raspy at times, and sometimes I break on notes because I have to cough or swallow. It's also harder for me to take deep breaths because the air can irritate my throat, especially if the air's dry. Basically what I'm saying is that purging has definitely affected my singing in many ways, and I hate that.

I don't know if the damage/condition is permanent - I guess there's only one way to find out! I hope that you will be able to beat this soon so that you can enjoy singing without having to deal with throat issues. Hang in there, and maybe you can use my story as motivation to not throw up. Good luck and lots of hugs!!
--<--<@[email protected]>-->--

Worried21 03-19-2003 10:06 AM

so I went to the ENT Doctor yesterday...

And I am pretty mad at myself bc I was nervous and didnt know the right questions to ask - the condition of my throat in relation to singing - and he was busy, you could tell he over-stacked his appointments...

I told the Nurse Practitioner about my ED and she sprayed stuff in my nose to make it numb. Then the doctor came in and said the NP told him about my problem...he was talking all sweet to me (overly-sweet, like fake) and he looked down the back of my throat and said I had like a scab on the back of my throat. He said that this is common in the population. What is this?

Then he inserted a very thin telescope, about the half the size of a straw, down my nose, past my septum, and I make a couple sounds like "eee" and "aa". He asked me if I had heartburn and I said no. He said that the back of my vocal chords are worn from stomach acid and that he can perscribe something for that so I was like sure fine whatever, cuz he was doing everything so fast, I was so overwhelmed and couldn't think straight. It all happened so fast I can barely remember anything. I wish I had brought my father in there with me cuz he knows the right questions to ask and hes concerned for me. I am figurativly kicking myself in the behind.

So he lef tthe room and the NP came back with a perscription for Nexium. I asked her if I shoudl stay away from acidy liquids, like coffee and soada and she said yea but thats kinda impossible, and that the perscription would make me feel better in a couple days. but why did he perscribe me a heartburn medicine if I dont have heartburn and I havent been purging so no acid is there? Does it make it heal?

I feel like I was concerend about my throats condition in relation to singing and I didnt get that answer....

And I am sooo upset because now every time I sing, I am going to think about my ED...even though I havn't purged in two weeks...

what do i do? Do I not sing for a while? wait for the medicine to kick in? Do I get a second opinon? Who would no better? I am soo confused...

I am an emotional wreck and I hate myself, even though I know its not the worst that could be...I cried all morning and decided to come and post to see if you could all help me....

winterhorses 03-20-2003 11:26 AM

Oh my gosh! First, don't you DARE feel bad about yourself. You should march yourself back into that office and raise hell. You deserve to be treated better than that. I *can't believe* he blew you off like that and didn't tell you what to do... I don't know anything about what you've got, but here's my advice, for whatever it's worth.

You can call the office and ask follow up questions. Explain that you didn't get answers the first time...if they don't help you out, go in there and insist the someone talks to you. It never hurts to get a second opinion, and you can always do a little research online. Yes, you can't be sure that it's right, but if a bunch of sites are saying the same general thing, there's a good chance it's valid.

I hope it helps some. Don't let this go...get the answers you need! And please, please don't be mad at yourself. You were strong enough to seek help, and that's such a big part of it. I *know* that you're going to get better....let us know how it goes!

Lotsa love,

lalaland2 03-20-2003 10:19 PM

Hi Worried-

Grant it this was a long time back(me being old now and all) But I too was blessed with a God given talent to sing. I was also plagued with a self given ED. After my first hospitalization for bulimia I decided to follow my dream of fame and go back to school to major in voice ( I had been classically trained all through high school and most of the college I had already had,but had to leave college due to my bulimia). After my first semester I was feeling a lot of pressure to succeed and I relapsed. I started to have a problem, I could not hit any of my notes and I was also starting to have a constant sore throat. I went to the doctor and was diagnosed with nodules on my vocal cords. They can develope from over-use, mis-use, or constant vomitting. The only way to have them removed is surgically and even then they are like calluses and will grow back. Then they would need to be surgically removed again...over,and over...again.....I had to give up my dream because of my eating disorder. It would have been one thing if I would have already been an established singer and been able to take the down time of constant surgical procedures and rehab time. But I was a in the "making", and it was not worth the risk not knowing if I would truly be successful or not. I gave it up. I still can not sing. I still think about my battle with food daily, and I still wish I had never thrown up that first time.........

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