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I want to make myself better.

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Old 08-06-2007, 12:00 PM   #1
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 1
FlawedFlesh HB User
I want to make myself better.

I have been bulimic for over three years now and have decided that enough is enough. I just canít keep destroying my body like this. I know it is not going to be easy especially since I am going to be doing it on my own because I canít afford professional help. Iím seriously going to but forth the effort necessary to get myself healthy again no matter what it takes.
Due to bulimia I have suffered some damage to my teeth, I am not sure to what extent yet but I have a dentist appointment in a couple days to find out for sure. I have decided to come right out to my dentist and tell him the truth about my struggle bulimia as I have heard that dentists can tell right away anyway. I am terrified at what the dentist might find and furious that I have brought this upon myself. I know dental care is very expensive and am worried I might need a lot of work done. I am on my dadís insurance but I donít know exactly what is covered and I do not want my dad to have to pay any money for what I have done to myself. I also donít want my dad to find out I have been bulimic, it would break his heart. My question is, is there any insurance program that I can maybe look into where I can make payments? Are there any other payment options? I am a 21 year old student and donít make much money.

Thank you so much!

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Old 08-11-2007, 08:19 PM   #2
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: DC
Posts: 7
needhelp25 HB User
Re: I want to make myself better.

I noticed that you are from NM. That's my home state! I too have had an ED for 3 years. I wouldn't say I'm fully bulimic, because I never have actual binges. I just purge anything that I put in my mouth. Then, I have times where I severly restrict my food intake. By doing this, I don't really lose weight. I just never gain any.

Moving on to your question. I'm not sure where in NM you live, but you mentioned you were a student. If you are going to a college, they should have a health center where you could see a psychologist. It would either be completely free or a very small fee. If that is not an option, there should be a mental health clinic in your town.

I would also advise you to go ahead and tell your dad. I just told my mom this week, and I already feel like a huge weight is lifted off me. It's nice of you to not want to burden your dad with your problem, but he loves you. he would want to make sure you got help. Trust me, it won't be the worst thing ever. Before I told my mom about my eating issues, I also told her that I'd gotten a DWI. I've been the perfect child my whole life. I've never been in trouble. I've made great grades, and here I had to tell her about 2 awful things. She was angry at first and upset, but that only lasted a few minutes. Now, she just wants to help me get better. Keep me posted on how things go for you!

Old 08-12-2007, 08:48 AM   #3
Senior Veteran
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: north of somewhere nice
Posts: 1,477
neurowreck HB User
Re: I want to make myself better.

A lot of time in college, you have medical insurance through the college health plan, and there are counselling services at the schools (been there, done that)- and they are real therapists, not volunteers.

Some things I was told during bulimia recovery:

Throw out anything "diet", (drinks, 'lean' dinners, liquid meal replacements, etc). Focus on healthy foods in healthy amounts- don't clobber yourself if you eat a little too much once in a while- that's called normal.

Stop purging. It will be hard at first- but if you don't have the payoff of the purge, the binges start to decrease, and then disappear. It worked !! It was uncomfortable at first, but not as bad as the life I was leading destroying myself.

You didn't consciously decide to become hooked on bulimia- so please, don't throw guilt on yourself for that. None of us wanted things to become out of hand. Treat yourself how you would treat someone else if you have to, to get through the hard times. Chances are, it's better than you'd treat yourself.

Get a check up from the college health center docs, who can order lab work and anything else, to be sure you don't need special vitamins or something. The college health centers are great resources and my first contact with recovery from anorexia and bulimia when I was 26 years younger than I am now. I've been symptom free for 11 years, but have permanent medical issues from anorexia, bulimia, compulsive eating, and restricting/purging. It's good you want help now.

The lousy times don't last forever- remember that

Old 08-12-2007, 05:25 PM   #4
Senior Veteran
Join Date: Feb 2005
Posts: 1,915
seaturtle HB User
Re: I want to make myself better.

I just wanted to encourage you to beat the bulimia. Can you join a support group, or get a sponsor who you can call when you feel that urge coming on?

I was bulimic long before it was diagnosed or even treated, and as a result, had all my teeth root canalled, then went through years when they just rotten, and had to get full dentures early in my thirties. It was awful, and please, please, don't let that happen to you.

Good for you that you're determined. I wish you all the very best.

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