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  • Can somone please give me some insight as to what is wrong with me??

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    Old 01-05-2008, 12:18 PM   #1
    amc060207
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    Can somone please give me some insight as to what is wrong with me??

    Hi, I don't know really whats wrong with me. I guess I'm posting here because I'm hoping that someone can understand what I'm feeling. I dont know where to begin. For starters, I am very depressed, and I don't know who to talk to. I am at a normal healthy weight for my height, for starters. However, I had a baby in June, and had gained alot of weight with the pregnancy, and have since lost all of that and then some. I started out on a diet, weight watchers to be specific, and counting my points. but now.. everytime I eat a "normal" meal lets say a lean cusine, or a sandwich, nothing specail. I feel EXTREMELY guilty over eating something that is healthy. I started without even realizing it at first cutting down the number of points, Now, its to the point that if I eat something, doesn't matter what it is, I feel so guilty about it, that I feel "compelled" to do something about. Its gotten to the point where I feel "guilty" about drinking a diet soda. What is wrong with me????????? I realize my eating behaviors have become quite odd..and i tell myself to "stop the nonsense" and so, for a day, i will try to eat three balanced meals. But, afterwards feel so bad about "overeating" even though I know i'm not really overeating, so the conflict frustrates me, I genearlly take a laxative, or fast for a few days until I dont' feel so guilty anymore. Then I'll try and eat balanced meals again, and no matter what, I find myself cutting back more and more each day. Its not like I say, ok, I'm just not going to eat today. Its like an overwhelming urge not to, and if I do, the same overwhelming urge to "do something about it" Ok, and then theres the scale, I should have never even bought one because all it does is cause trouble. I weigh myself practically every time I use the bathroom. Is this normal??? I have nightmares about eating too much food. What is wrong with me.. am I crazy?

     
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    Old 01-05-2008, 02:54 PM   #2
    Aurora
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    Re: Can somone please give me some insight as to what is wrong with me??

    Hello,

    You said you were posting in the hopes of someone understanding how you are feeling...hon, I think we all do. And no, I don't think you are remotely crazy! I think it is that first point when you realise you are no longer 100% in control of your eating, that it is no longer something you are controlling, but is something that is holding your strings. It is a tough place to be isn't it? Kind of scary, and kind of exciting perhaps also. Such a mixture of emotions. Like a whirlwind inside...and how can you ever explain it to someone? Is that kind of how it is?

    Now, point number one - It does not matter that you are a 'normal' weight for your height. It does not even matter hugely that you have done it so quickly after having just had a baby....of course it MATTERS...but what matters MORE is that you are feeling how you are feeling.

    Being a new mum you have a lot of anxiety to deal with, and possibly you have a sense of loss for your pre-baby lifestyle. I am not doubting you love your baby or anything, but it is such a huge life-changing experience isn't it? Somehow, and for the sake of this post I don't even need to know exactly why, but somehow you have found that controlling your eating is serving a purpose for you...and NO, it is not the obvious purpose of weight loss. That is what you think it is, but deep down it is 'helping' you through some other problem.

    I would tell you to chuck the scales out, but perhaps now is not the time to hear that. I will tell you that scales are an incredibly bad measure of your self-worth - maybe you should write that on them in permanent marker pen?

    What you do need to do though is be very brave and admit this to somebody and get yourself some help. I am not sure if the depression has led to the eating disordered behaviour, or if it has worked the other way around, but regardless you need help for both.

    So here are steps 1 and 2 of my suggestion. Step 1) Tell your GP/health visitor/health professional. Tell them you are struggling, perhaps print and read out what you wrote here - perhaps even blame me for the fact that you are asking for help, it that makes it easier for you to do so.

    And step 2) Tell someone you love and trust. Maybe your mum, your partner, best friend...just someone who can give you some support. It is a lonely world to live in if you cannot accept help from the people that love you. Don't shut them out, let them support you as you would support them.

    Keep us posted on how you are. I believe you can do this. Don't lose hope, you have done the hardest part already - by admitting to yourself that you have a problem.

    Good Luck, and big hugs,
    H
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    Old 01-09-2008, 08:22 PM   #3
    Mossflower
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    Re: Can somone please give me some insight as to what is wrong with me??

    Hi hon

    No, you're not crazy. You're just having issues with your weight in one way or another. Could be an early form of an eating disorder which could morph into a more severe form if left unchecked.

    So let me get a few things across to you:

    You have done the absolute right thing by reaching out to talk to people about this- even complete strangers like us here on this board- sometimes its easier to talk to people you dont know

    You also are acknowledging the guilty feeling and the struggles you're encountering when eating and this hits home with you. It registers. This is important because you're recognizing that something is wrong, and while I'm no psychologist, I would venture to say that you're not crazy because you are quite clearly seeing the potential severity of this problem for what it is.

    Weighing yourself on your scale sounds a lot like what I used to do- I'm a 'pretty much recovered' anorexic. I would weigh myself like 5 or 6 times a day and go into an absolute panic attack if I thought I even gained half a pound. You sound a LOT like me when I was in the early stages of my disorder. I made it a competition with myself to see if I could eat less and less each day and celebrated each sick victory. I still have my old food journal and it is locked away where I do not look at it.



    Now I think the important thing to remember is that- you- are a dear sweet new mom. Congratulations! And this means that you absolutely have got to take the best possible care of yourself. your baby is relying on you to be there.

    I would examine your reasons - in your head- why are you cutting back more and more? Can you pinpoin the motive? Is it control? fear of being fat? Maybe going overboard with the diet plan? You could make a list of all of your emotions on paper- like a web or a map and then try to trace each one back to its source or its root and find out whats triggering it.

    Ultimate advice: get with your family physician and with a counselor/ therapist. You need to get people on your side to help you with this pronto. Your baby is counting on you and you sound like you're falling apart. If you don't feel that you can get this under control for your ownself- do it for the baby and get professional help. Thyere not judgmental - the counselors are very good at helping you through this. Mine saved my life. And if you are married or have a SO, please please please fill them in on this so they know whats going on.

    Please keep us posted on how you are doing. We might be answering your posts in our PJs and bathrobes, but we care


    Cheers



    Quote:
    Originally Posted by amc060207 View Post
    Hi, I don't know really whats wrong with me. I guess I'm posting here because I'm hoping that someone can understand what I'm feeling. I dont know where to begin. For starters, I am very depressed, and I don't know who to talk to. I am at a normal healthy weight for my height, for starters. However, I had a baby in June, and had gained alot of weight with the pregnancy, and have since lost all of that and then some. I started out on a diet, weight watchers to be specific, and counting my points. but now.. everytime I eat a "normal" meal lets say a lean cusine, or a sandwich, nothing specail. I feel EXTREMELY guilty over eating something that is healthy. I started without even realizing it at first cutting down the number of points, Now, its to the point that if I eat something, doesn't matter what it is, I feel so guilty about it, that I feel "compelled" to do something about. Its gotten to the point where I feel "guilty" about drinking a diet soda. What is wrong with me????????? I realize my eating behaviors have become quite odd..and i tell myself to "stop the nonsense" and so, for a day, i will try to eat three balanced meals. But, afterwards feel so bad about "overeating" even though I know i'm not really overeating, so the conflict frustrates me, I genearlly take a laxative, or fast for a few days until I dont' feel so guilty anymore. Then I'll try and eat balanced meals again, and no matter what, I find myself cutting back more and more each day. Its not like I say, ok, I'm just not going to eat today. Its like an overwhelming urge not to, and if I do, the same overwhelming urge to "do something about it" Ok, and then theres the scale, I should have never even bought one because all it does is cause trouble. I weigh myself practically every time I use the bathroom. Is this normal??? I have nightmares about eating too much food. What is wrong with me.. am I crazy?

     
    Old 01-12-2008, 07:29 PM   #4
    music47
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    Re: Can somone please give me some insight as to what is wrong with me??

    Amc
    I agree with the others that have answered your post. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

    Nadine

     
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