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Anorexic friend, very worried, any help appreciated

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Old 03-14-2008, 07:00 PM   #1
Join Date: Mar 2008
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AliJDB HB User
Anorexic friend, very worried, any help appreciated

Hi Everyone,
I have a friend, I don't know her very well really, I talk to her mainly online, but we do know each other in person as well, and I know her boyfriend quite well.

She has long term problems with her eating I think, I only met her last year and I'm not entirely sure about her history. I think recently it has got a lot worse, her boyfriend went on a 5 week holiday with his family to New Zealand. She told me recently she has been collapsing, and normally is only getting 200 calories a day. She is a very slim girl already.

I've tried to talk to her about it, she has told me that she doesn't see it as a problem because she eats when she starts to collapse. She also told me that its her life and her body, and that no one will change her and shes happy, although I'm sure shes not. The most worrying thing she said is that she didn't think she was doing herself any harm, while she obviously is.

She also has a heart condition already, and I know the heart is one of the first things to be effected in this kind of situation.

I'm really worried about her and am wondering if anyone has any advice about how to help her? I'm really willing to try anything that has a shot at working. I was wondering whether talking to her about the health risks was a good idea? I'm scared of making her worse, and thats the last thing I'd want to do, I just wish I could do something.

Any advice will be more gratefully received than you will ever know.

Thank you for reading.

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Old 03-14-2008, 08:34 PM   #2
Join Date: Jul 2007
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hopesprings2 HB User
Re: Anorexic friend, very worried, any help appreciated

can you mail or at least talk her into drinking ensure or boost
mail her some

Old 03-15-2008, 08:02 AM   #3
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Re: Anorexic friend, very worried, any help appreciated

Anorexics frequently struggle with opening up to and trusting people so it's unlikely she'll receive much of what you say/do until she knows you care.

Be her friend. Do not mention eating, food, her size, weight, appearance at all, doing so will not help her. She is already hyperfocused on these things. Stay positive and upbeat.

I'm not sure how you can easily fit into the picture since she has a boyfriend who may not appreciate your "friendship". So support him in supporting her as a person...not as an "anorexic". Since she has already formed a relationship with him that may be your best avenue.

If he is not informing himself, be the one to inform him by providing information about anorexia and other eating disorders. Provide him also with information about local treatment options. She will probably value what he has to say especially if he is showing genuine concern gained from accurate information.

Above all, realize that you cannot fix this situation. Do your part but don't pressure either of them or you'll push them both away. Be available and be supportive. Our ears are often a greater asset than our mouths .

Your heart is in the right place . I'm glad you posted.

Love, Kelly

Old 03-15-2008, 09:58 AM   #4
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Location: Michigan
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Re: Anorexic friend, very worried, any help appreciated

I wanted to add...

You didn't mention your ages but if this girl is considered a minor and it hasn't happened already, her parents or the school counselor should be made aware of her behavior so her eating disorder can be addressed and treatment options discussed.

She is the ideal person to share it with them. Again, your part may be to encourage her boyfriend to express concern and in return he can encourage her to let her parents/school counselor know.

However, it doesn't sound like she wants "recovery" at this point. As a parent, my opinion is that someone should let her parents/school counselor in on this. An anonymous note expressing concern may be a good route.

Love, Kelly

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