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  • Highly suspect anorexia-what do I say?

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    Old 03-10-2009, 09:53 AM   #1
    secondchances's Avatar
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    Highly suspect anorexia-what do I say?

    I am brand new to this board, and I am looking for help for someone I know. She is not a close, close friend, but I do think the world of her, she is a lovely person. I see her about once a month, and have known her for about 10 years now. She has always been thin, but since last summer or so, she appears to be in grave danger health wise. I can hear her stomach making loud noices, and she is <very thin>! I do know in the past she has had very little food in her house, and now she is living with her boyfriend and he is away every week during the week, for work. I need to talk to her, but would like some advice on what to say. I would also like to help her get help, as it is clear she is not getting any. She no longer looks after herself (unkept hair and makeup and clothes), her eyes were yellowish the last time I saw her, she is very very thin, her skin is dry and looks darker or something, she also has red "dots" or sores on her neck/chest area and a few on her face. She told me months ago her Mom and Sister accused her of being anorexic, but she said she wasn't. I also know her relationship with them is strained. I do know she used to have many friends though, and I don't believe she is being as social as she used to be. I really would like to help her get help, but don't know where to start?? I have also considered the possibllity of it being drugs, but,,,I would be shocked if she every took never know though.

    Any help or suggestions would be greatly appreciated! I honestly believe she is in big, big trouble health wise.

    Last edited by mod-anon; 03-27-2009 at 10:22 PM. Reason: edited triggering passages

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    Old 03-10-2009, 10:16 AM   #2
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    Re: Highly suspect anorexia-what do I say?


    Sounds like she's taking drugs, even heavy drugs. I'm sure you've heard of the show Intervention, well what you're describing sounds like she might need one. Good luck, this can be a very tricky situation.

    take care

    Old 03-27-2009, 06:51 PM   #3
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    Re: Highly suspect anorexia-what do I say?

    well whatever way you decide to confront her, make sure she knows you are there for her and she is not alone. Confronting an ED or a drug problem is very scary for most people. Depending on how that goes, maybe you should talk to her mom and sister. They can help as well. Your friend is going to need all the support she can get, just make sure you're there for her every step of the way and don't judge, but listen to her and try to understand what she is going through!

    hope that helps!

    Old 03-27-2009, 07:09 PM   #4
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    Re: Highly suspect anorexia-what do I say?

    What do you say? - nothing - not yet anyway....first you must establish a very strong trust relationship. See her more often, invite her out during the week. If you do suspect anorexia (and it does sound like it) then make the outings very safe at first. A movie or something but not dinner. Nothing that involves food becouse she will probably refuse to come and it is important that she feels safe and not judged with you. It is only then that you can drip feed support and kindness toward her. You may never be able to say anything directly but it is just as imprtnat that she knows you will be there for her.
    a dear friend of mine had anorexia for ten years before she was able to see how unwell she was and accepted the diagnosis. And that was with an incredibility supportive family. Anorexia is a mental illness. It is not as simple as just getting someone to eat, it is about treating the 'trigger' that has causes the compulsion not to eat. It is often about control and acceptance. If she has had difficult relationships with her family there may be a hint in there.
    Good luck

    Old 04-09-2009, 04:23 PM   #5
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    Re: Highly suspect anorexia-what do I say?

    Are you very sure she is anorexic? No one should really assume that because of not eating enough and being underweight, that means you're anorexic. First there may be a physical problem that no one knows about. It is also possible like it was stated before, that she has a drug problem. Sores on your mouth and face happen with drugs such as crystal meth. Another thing may be that she is depressed/extremely stressed out and therefore not eating. In order for someone to be anorexic they have to intentionally refuse to eat much, and have an obsession with to trying lose weight. Before trying to help her, you have to know what her problem is.

    You mentioned her skin looking darker which is odd. With anorexia you usually look far more pale and yellow due to lack of vitamins. Seeing her once a month is far too little to know if she has anorexia. Families who live with people that have anorexia don't even usually realize it until well after they've had it. You start to notice things like: obsessively working out, counting the calories in every single thing they eat, refusing to even have a little taste of high calorie foods, becoming VERY defensive when someone asks them to eat/taste something...or if they comment on them not eating enough. There is far more to look for than just not eating. You may want to pay close attention to her behavior before you say anything.

    Last edited by mod-anon; 04-09-2009 at 08:56 PM. Reason: Please use the Quick Reply button instead of Quote Reply.

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