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reason101 10-18-2009 11:45 PM

compulsive eating/binging
I can't remember a time when i didn't constantly think about food. If i'm not stuffing my face i get irritable and angry and when i give in and allow myself to bindge i end up hopelessly depressed and disgusted with myself. I feel like i have no self control, like theres no way to stop. The most insane part of it is that even though i have finally been able to admit i have a serious problem and need help, the people in my life that i look to for suport (my boyfriend, close friends, and family) won't accept what i tell them. They think that just because i am not obese I am not in trouble.
I guess I'm writing this because i need someone somewhere to understand, I'm tired of being alone and hiding. I'm going crazy, i can't live like this anymore.

Comediane1111 10-24-2009 05:18 AM

Re: compulsive eating/binging
I think you need to give yourself some credit! You were able to open up to people and talk about your issues, and that is a huge step. Tell me, how do you present your situation with binge eating (I suffer the same thing) to others? Are you very serious? Are you dramatic? Are you light-hearted? Most importantly: Do you skip over details?

Consider how you want to present yourself before you discuss matters that affect you so profoundly. If you want your family, friends, and boyfriend to understand your perspective, you must be calm, mature, serious, and detail-oriented. You must be persistent as well, but not to the point of all too frequent emotional meltdowns in front of others - do you know what I am saying? Let me know if my suggestions help - I wish you the best of luck!

reason101 10-25-2009 11:00 PM

Re: compulsive eating/binging
thanks for replying Comediane1111, and to answer your questions the way i present myself can obviously vary depending on who i am talking to, but for the most part i refrain from emotional out bursts, so much so even that i worry people will not take me seriously because they cannot believe a person in as much pain as i profess to be could maintain such a clam outward appearence. I am fairly detailed in my descriptions yes, though i try not to talk people ears off. I simply feel that no matter how articulately i word it, or how genuine i have been, those close to me cannot understand. I helps however, just to hear another human being out there say that they do.
thank you

aileb 10-26-2009 09:05 PM

Re: compulsive eating/binging
Hi Reasons101,
When I was sicker, (I have anorexia) I didn't let anyone see me engaging in the behaviors and I guess that's why my family doesn't get it.

When I first started getting better, I wanted them to understand how I felt and understand the disorder but I just kept getting comments like, "just stop!"

So, I just decided to get support from message boards online. My family and friends aren't bad people they just don't get this part of my life.

I know it's tough when you finally tell someone and they don't get it or believe you but don't give up! We didn't get sick overnight, and sometimes I don't even get why I do the things I do. So, I know it's hard for them to understand. Keep at, maybe they just need time. :angel:

reason101 10-27-2009 09:30 PM

Re: compulsive eating/binging
Thank you for replying, its good to know that someone else has had the same experience when dealing with family and friends. I must say the "just stop!" comments are hard to put up with but I'm doing my best. I just wish-- and i know it sounds kinda sad and pathetic-- but i wish i wasn't so alone all the time. I guess it's like you said, thats why i joined here, still it would be nice to come home from a long trigger-packed day and have more than a screen to talk to, and the tv to make friends with. Its hard getting better when you can't remember why you're bothering, you know?

dreaminggrandma 10-28-2009 10:36 AM

Re: compulsive eating/binging
[FONT="Arial Black"][SIZE="4"][COLOR="Purple"]:wave:[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] I have weighed over 200 lbs. sence I was 18( am now 57) ! I HATE the way I look but it seems the more I think about it the more I eat ! I know I need help and I want to find a support group in my area but I feel that going only once a week won't help me right now so I am hopeing I can find someone to chat with that understands what I am going thru. PLEASE get back to me if you can help me !=Wanda=:wave:

reason101 11-01-2009 05:31 AM

Re: compulsive eating/binging
of course i am availibe to talk, thats why i joined here. I am currently in the process of admtting my problem and seeking help for the first time myself, so i know how daunting and impossible it seems. It always helps me however, to remember we're not alone and people have defeated their eating disorders many times before.

ShayBunnie 11-02-2009 10:49 PM

Re: compulsive eating/binging
Wow. I feel a bit relieved to know there's others who feel the same way I do. I don't know how to stop eating and it's only getting worse. I switched anti-depressants 3 monthes ago and have gained 27 lbs. I think this is my wake up call. I try so hard not to eat but have a constant feeling that I'm starving, not hungry but starving. My husband just keeps telling me "your beautiful" but I don't feel beautiful, I feel fat which makes me eat more. I'm so lost. I haven't really talked about my problem but it feels good to vent. Your not alone.

reason101 11-04-2009 10:32 PM

Re: compulsive eating/binging
I've had my boyfriend tell me that I'm beautiful and perfect and every other wonderful thing possible, yet he never seems to get that it takes more than a few pretty words to make a person feel atractive. I love him and don't want to hurt him so i refrain from saying how little compliments help- it does after all help a bit at least knowing he feels that way even if i can't- but its frustrating all the same. I hate how people believe just because they can see you a certain way that you can too.
I lost a bunch of weight a few weeks ago and was feeling much more hopeful than i had in a long time but now i've gained it all back and then some, and i feel utterly lost. I can't imagine waking up from this nightmare. Where is the light at the end of the tunnle? Where's the big pay off? Aren't years of struggle and suffering suposed to end up in something worth while?
I know its never good to be negative and I don't want others out there who are reading this to get the impression that there's no way out. Still, I just don't know what to do at this point, it seems as if this ordeal will never end. I know I should join a suport group or go on antidepressants but i can't see any of that making a real difference. As Shaybunnie put it, I feel like I'll be 'starving' forever.

reason101 11-04-2009 10:42 PM

Re: compulsive eating/binging
I am availible to talk via private message, email, ect. to anyone who wants/needs to. Just putting that out there:)

Machaon 11-05-2009 02:34 AM

Re: compulsive eating/binging
[QUOTE=reason101;4116043]As Shaybunnie put it, I feel like I'll be 'starving' forever.[/QUOTE]

I eat seven or more times per day. I am also constantly thinking about food, but I weigh 125 pounds at 5'9".

I eat at 3am, 6am, 8:30am, 11am, 1:30pm, 3:30pm, 6pm, 8pm and around midnight, if I am awake.

I average about 250 calories per meal, with a solid balance of fats, carbs and proteins. I always include a very large romaine salad, with a few small tomatoes, with a little low calorie dressing, as my "filler". I have learned to love it. Good stuff!

So..... by eating high quality, low calorie, high fiber, good tasting small meals, I not only feed myself a healthy diet and feel great, I can eat ALL the time! I love it! Plus..... I am either eating, or preparing my next meal. Tis all good! :D

I don't know if this would help someone who is a compulsive "binge" eater, but I thought that I would offer my eating alternative. The main difference, I guess, is in the size of the meal. It allows me to constantly think about eating, to constantly eat, and to LOSE weight, feel good about myself and to be healthy, all at the same time. :D

Oh well. It's 5:30am. Only 30 minutes until eating time! :wave:

enoughofthis 11-07-2009 12:46 PM

Re: compulsive eating/binging
reason 101,
when i read your post i literally almost cried. it sounded exactly like if i had written it myself. I constantly think about food. i look at pictures of food. food is my reason for getting up in the morning. i binge all day. i binge several times a day. i leave hanging out with my friends to go eat. NO ONE believes me when i say i have a problem because i'm not over or under weight. right now i'm over stuffed from a binge. and i want nothing more than tomorrow to come so i can try to make the right decision, but i can bet you that i'm going to succumb to food.
i really do wish you well, and i want you to know that you're not alone. seriously, i know how you feel and it totally sucks.

reason101 11-09-2009 09:49 PM

Re: compulsive eating/binging
enoughofthis (and others),

Thank you for contributing your own experiences, which like you said, are nearly identical to my own. It helps so, so much to read these posts, especially when i encounter one i can relate to in particular.
I wonder if you and others out there have shared in the same thoughts I encounter frequently, especially the fruitless question of:
Why food?
I ask why it couldn't it have been intimacy issues or anger management problems. Why wasn't I messed up some other way? Who decided it had to be a life of going to sleep obsessing about food, waking up to find myself STILL obsessing about food, reading and writing, arguing, laughing, watching TV, hanging out with friends, going to school, experiencing thrills and joy, shock and love and STILL CONSUMED WITH OBSESSION ABOUT FOOD.
I know no problem is easier or better than another, pain is pain, struggle is struggle. I know this logically, it makes sense, has been proven time and time again.
And yet.
And yet i sometimes foolishly find myself wishing for something-- anything else to take the place of this all-consuming need to feed. How can such a normal, natural act of ingesting nurishment-- something we need to live-- become so twisted?
Alcoholics can pledge to cut alcohol out of the picture, junkies can fight to never again get high. But what about us? Can we swear never eat again? Can we lessen the chances of a relapse by making friends with happy, healthy people who abstain from eating?
instead we are faced with a choice; allow this cycle to continue forever wherever it may lead-- obesity, emaciation, or even outward health, only serving to conceal the turbulance of misery and self-hatred inside-- that, or fight. Force ourselves to eat only 1 peice of toast, 1 slice of cake, gain "control" in a healthy form.
It sounds good, but how many alcoholics have stopped with a single beer? What junkie has been able to only shoot up a little?
I can reshape my body, try long and hard to look the way i want-- perhapse even get there-- but it is beyond my ability to envision a day when i can sit down to a meal, with or without other people, and feel calm, at peace, not overwhelmed by anxiety and total fixation. To walk away feeling satisfied, content.
I want that day, i want that existence, and I can't help but ask,
Why food?

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