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    Old 02-15-2010, 01:54 PM   #1
    maddy0140's Avatar
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    i want to stop before its to late

    i am overweight, and hate my body.after i worked out today, i started thinking how i could make myself throw up, and how much easier it would be to lose weight that way. so i went in to my bathroom and tried to gag my self. i was sitting there for about 30 mins. and i just couldnt throw up. then i realized what i was doing. im really scared that soon i wont be able to stop myself and i will become bulimic. does anyone have advise to not let it get to that point? thanks!

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    Old 02-16-2010, 09:07 PM   #2
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    aileb HB Useraileb HB Useraileb HB Useraileb HB User
    Re: i want to stop before its to late

    Hi, I was also overweight six-seven years ago and thought that anorexia would be the solution. I didn't reach out like you're doing now and kept it a secret. At the time, I thought I would be able to stop when I got to my goal weight or size but the longer I enganged in the behaviors" the harder it got to stop.

    Instead, my anorexia morphed into other disorders like bulimia, exercise bulimia, diet and laxative pill abuse and other behaviors that are too graphic to list here. I got down to the lowest junior's clothing size at the cost of almost diying twice from pill overdose, had to go through withdraw from laxative and exercise abuse, had to have my gallbladder removed, and lost my job. Their were physical damages expecially from bulimia-cuts on my knuckles, my throat ached, blood vessels bursts, bloating, and dental problems, temperature sensitivity, depression.

    I know that reading about the effects that bulimia and anorexia had on a stranger won't have that much of an effect. Just know that list doesn't even begin to describe the psychological damage that occurs.

    Going from not having a mental disorder to having a mental disorder isn't a fast transition.

    It slowly creeps on-kinda of like the thoughts you've mentioned- and then pretty soon they consume your day, time, life. Then, it gets hard to seperate which thoughts are yours and which belong to the eating disorder. You try so hard to satisfy the thoughts but it's never enough and then your perception gets distorted. This is a very hard concept for people withought eating disorders to grasp but basically -you lose your perception of your "self" and the reflection in the mirror does not match. And once you lose your perception it it so hard to stop.

    I hope that you find support either through a counselor or family. Talk to people with eating disorders or look through old threads on here. Nobody with an eating disorder is really happy or was able to stop when they wanted. It takes so much hard work to recover from an eating disorder. It took me about 7 months of recovery to be able to eat withou b/p. Every meal and bite was a battle.

    Eating disorders aren't solutions-their just a slow painful suicide.

    Old 02-25-2010, 06:05 PM   #3
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    Re: i want to stop before its to late

    Well, I don't know how to stop either (I'm just now admitting I have a problem after <losing weight> by simply starving myself), but I quit drugs once about six years ago. Its kind of the same thing...quick gratification and seriously <messed>-up thinking patterns.

    I'm so happy you've posted now, reached out *before* your imminent death - if only others had such a mindset, we might have a higher recovery rate.

    Ail is absolutely right when she says, "It slowly creeps on-kinda of like the thoughts you've mentioned- and then pretty soon they consume your day, time, life. Then, it gets hard to separate which thoughts are yours and which belong to the eating disorder".

    You must reach out to a doctor or a counselor now, before this not-problem morphs into a death sentence.

    Last edited by mod-anon; 02-25-2010 at 09:10 PM. Reason: Watch your language on the Boards.

    Old 03-22-2010, 08:58 AM   #4
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    Re: i want to stop before its to late

    It was strange to read this, but I'm actually at the same point. I did the same thing; sat there trying, but could not bring myself to do it. I have no other reason to hold back other than I think it's kinda gross, but the effects might be worth it. That has been my thought process recently. I don't really know how to give advice for you, because I have none for myself. Whenever I have the opportunity, though, and the thought crosses my mind to try it again, I've sorta been avoiding it and distracting myself by exercising even more. I'm not saying you should try this, but maybe next time you think about it, just force yourself to walk away, watch TV or read a book. This has been effective for me so far. Sorry if I'm not much of a help, and I'm sorry you have to be going through this, too. I know how much it sucks. Maybe you should try talking to someone about it, I don't know, though, because that didn't work for me; no one really took me seriously. But it might be different for you. Thank you for reaching out like this, though, because it's comforting, in a sense, to know that I'm not the only one...

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