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Slipping towards anorexia

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Old 01-18-2012, 10:36 AM   #1
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Slipping towards anorexia

Back story: I gained a lot of weight from being on my medications, and it made me really uncomfortable and eventually slip into a pattern of disordered eating and starving myself in order to lose weight. No matter what anyone told me about how unhealthy it was and how there are better ways to lose weight etc. I was so set on it that nothing was going to stop me. My therapist and I worked on it a lot, and my psychiatrist changed my medications and fairly recently I got back into a pattern of pretty normal eating.

Jump to last week: I went to a ball pilates class and it made me feel absolutely terrible about myself. I kept thinking how out of shape I am even though I have been exercising some (not as much as I would like but I was really depressed for a good chunk of time pretty recently) and also how fat I was since I could see myself in the mirror. Without any thought or real decision my brain automatically went into restriction mode and I restricted my food intake a ton, and a huge chunk of that is that even looking at food made my stomach churn, probably because I'm associating eating with gaining weight and I desperately want to lose weight.

Then the other day I ran into my God brother at the store and he made a comment about how I've put some meat on my bones and that didn't help any. I've spent the rest of the day thinking about how much of a cow I am and how other people can see it to. And once again, major restriction and stomach churning reaction to food.

I'm scared of where I'm heading. Even though I've had body image issues before, it's never been this bad.

Last edited by missyou009; 01-18-2012 at 10:36 AM.

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Old 01-25-2012, 10:56 AM   #2
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Re: Slipping towards anorexia


You obviously know the drill - no one needs to tell you that. Pat yourself on the back for actually getting on track again. The trick is to stay on the horse and keep chin up.

I am sure people see beyond the size of what you are and know the beauty you have in your heart.

The hardest part is fighting the illness not the system that is trying to help you or that you need to seek help from. Your friend knowing you is probably giving you very sound advice and you need to consider this.

There is detrimental and severe side affects from having an eating disorder. Don't go down that road. It takes more away from you than you can possibly imagine.

Take to heart what your friend says.

Best of luck
In small proportions we just beauties see, in small measures life my perfect be!

Old 01-28-2012, 07:23 AM   #3
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Re: Slipping towards anorexia

So after 2 weeks of practically starving myself I cracked last night and semi-binged (I ate more than I normally do in a day, and more than most people would in one sitting). Now I feel awful physically and mentally It's a good thing I'm seeing my therapist on Monday.

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