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...1 step forwards

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Old 05-07-2012, 10:11 AM   #1
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: England
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monk1e HB User
...1 step forwards

I should start with an apology to you. I haven't been on this board for 4 years. I had Bulimia for 8 years, for the last 3 I was an outpatient, (everybody is different within their eating disorder so please NEVER compare yours with anothers). I haven't made myself sick for 3 years, I haven't taken laxatives for 3 years and now... now my urges are back and it's really scary. I have no control and no stability. I work on tour all year round so, I have no regular routine and I don't have a stable home. My life is good, but every day has become a struggle again. I cry at night. I don't want to go out for dinner, I have bought laxatives and thrown them away. I can't remember how I stopped and I'm beginning to forget why. I don't want to do it again, I don't want my life to be like that again but the urges, the shaking, the's all back and I actually don't know how to fight it. I remember this board being one of the biggest helps in my recovery... so if there is anybody here.. anyone who has been here in this horrible place, let me know what you did.

I'm scared.

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Old 05-07-2012, 02:21 PM   #2
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Re: ...1 step forwards

Originally Posted by monk1e View Post
I should start with an apology to you. .
No apology necessary,

Eating disorders render people helpless and can weigh down(pardon the pun) a person's psyche significantly.

We fall down and get's instilled in us during infancy;taking those first few baby steps and losing one's footing.
The times that you take one step forwards and maybe two or three back,is only a testament to human nature.
We find out more about ourselves and it becomes rather scary;envisioning lack of control over something you are fully aware of.

You've got to want better for yourself,so begin by knowing that I want better for you;you deserve so much better;in hindsight,we all do.

When in doubt, post it out.

The following user gives a hug of support to Phoenix:
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The Following User Says Thank You to Phoenix For This Useful Post:
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