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  • What made you seek recovery?

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    Old 05-25-2013, 05:51 AM   #1
    SqueakyTweaky
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    What made you seek recovery?

    Hoping to be able to post here with total honesty, let me admit that I am still in that stage where I am just barely accepting that I have an ED very badly right now. I'm kind of in denial about the medical dangers b/c logic is not working properly as the disease is active. I am a recovering drug addict ice/heroin clean 2 yrs now (but on methadone) and so I am in that phase of using this as a negative coping mechanism. It is very much like a drug addiction, fatal and progressive and I guess you do it until it feels worse than it does good, which I think is soon approaching. Thank God, I think.

    So for those in recovery (and particularly those who have recently made a positive move): What is it that made you seek recovery? Was it mental/physical/spiritual, or a combination? The more specific the better I want to hear stories, people, hehe..there's no kind of support groups in Waco, no one to talk to except my therapist and I just started with her 2 appointments ago.

    Can anyone give me some clue as to what happens once you 'decide' to go into recovery, both as far as to you like as in the world in reality, and what happens internally in your mind and in your life? Please be honest with both the pros&cons I just want to know what I could possibly expect. Thank you.

    I am hoping this message board will give me some inspiration to go over to the light. Seriously. I have an enormous amount of depression, anxiety shame & guilt surrounding this disorder (as well as many other things in my life) but I don't think I'm ready to die.

     
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    Old 05-29-2013, 12:47 PM   #2
    OnWithHope
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    Re: What made you seek recovery?

    I have recovered from anorexia and bulimia and I would say that there were a lot of various factors that led me to seek recovery along the way. When I was 13 and first diagnosed with anorexia, I complied with a limited amount of weight restoration in the beginning just to avoid hospitalization. Unfortunately, more than move forward exactly, I made a sideways move into bulimia. I was still underweight for years while bulimic, but inspite of what my therapist told me, I thought that the best way to "recover" from bingeing and purging was to get a tighter control on my intake and willpower and eat in a restrictive way. I would be able to go almost two weeks without bingeing before I would finally break down. It wasn't until I realized that having less of an iron grip on my eating would actually help that I was able to start truly recovering.
    Here are some things that helped:
    When I was 18 and in college, I realized that my life was still totally controlled by bulimia. I started to doubt that I could solve the problem on my own with "willpower." I realized I needed someone else to take control for me. Not only that, but I realized that since I believe that God wants a personal connection with me, he would help me get rid of the disorder that was making me feel disconnected from him. I began to feel confident that God would help me and that he could use other people in my life to help if I was willing to give up my way of doing things. There is a Bible verse that has helped me more than once in my life: Proverbs 3:5 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart
    and lean not on your own understanding;
    in all your ways acknowledge him,
    and he will make your paths straight."
    I went to an inpatient program in Arizona called Remuda Ranch. One factor that helped me succeed was allowing my body to go back up to its natural weight. I had always thought that my ideal weight was about 10 pounds lower than what I actually needed to weigh to be healthy for my body frame. Once I accepted that my way of determining my ideal weight wasn't working and gained the weight I needed, my symptoms lessened dramatically and I was more able to recover from any relapses.
    After three months of treatment, I had learned how to have a less strict handle on my food intake and I finally learned to feel natural hunger and satiety cues. I could begin to trust my body again, and not let my mind override what my body was saying that it needed. That feeling of freedom from compulsion was very important. Once I tasted that freedom, any time I relapsed in the coming years, I knew what I was aiming for to get back on track.
    So getting a taste of recovery can definitely help with motivation to recover after a relapse.
    Also, my dream job involved ministering to others and I knew I couldn't do that unless I was healthy myself. So having a goal that requires recovery was a big motivator. What goals in your life can you achieve if you recover? Having hope for the future is a great motivator to get back on track after a relapse.
    Another big step forward was realizing that I could cut down on my bingeing by choosing not to purge in any way after a binge. Without purging, my blood sugar didn't drop as dramatically and it was easier to get more and more space between binges.

     
    Old 05-29-2013, 12:48 PM   #3
    OnWithHope
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    Re: What made you seek recovery?

    I have recovered from anorexia and bulimia and I would say that there were a lot of various factors that led me to seek recovery along the way. When I was 13 and first diagnosed with anorexia, I complied with a limited amount of weight restoration in the beginning just to avoid hospitalization. Unfortunately, more than move forward exactly, I made a sideways move into bulimia. I was still underweight for years while bulimic, but inspite of what my therapist told me, I thought that the best way to "recover" from bingeing and purging was to get a tighter control on my intake and willpower and eat in a restrictive way. I would be able to go almost two weeks without bingeing before I would finally break down. It wasn't until I realized that having less of an iron grip on my eating would actually help that I was able to start truly recovering.
    Here are some things that helped:
    When I was 18 and in college, I realized that my life was still totally controlled by bulimia. I started to doubt that I could solve the problem on my own with "willpower." I realized I needed someone else to take control for me. Not only that, but I realized that since I believe that God wants a personal connection with me, he would help me get rid of the disorder that was making me feel disconnected from him. I began to feel confident that God would help me and that he could use other people in my life to help if I was willing to give up my way of doing things. There is a Bible verse that has helped me more than once in my life: Proverbs 3:5 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart
    and lean not on your own understanding;
    in all your ways acknowledge him,
    and he will make your paths straight."
    I went to an inpatient program in Arizona called Remuda Ranch. One factor that helped me succeed was allowing my body to go back up to its natural weight. I had always thought that my ideal weight was about 10 pounds lower than what I actually needed to weigh to be healthy for my body frame. Once I accepted that my way of determining my ideal weight wasn't working and gained the weight I needed, my symptoms lessened dramatically and I was more able to recover from any relapses.
    After three months of treatment, I had learned how to have a less strict handle on my food intake and I finally learned to feel natural hunger and satiety cues. I could begin to trust my body again, and not let my mind override what my body was saying that it needed. That feeling of freedom from compulsion was very important. Once I tasted that freedom, any time I relapsed in the coming years, I knew what I was aiming for to get back on track.
    So getting a taste of recovery can definitely help with motivation to recover after a relapse.
    Also, my dream job involved ministering to others and I knew I couldn't do that unless I was healthy myself. So having a goal that requires recovery was a big motivator. What goals in your life can you achieve if you recover? Having hope for the future is a great motivator to get back on track after a relapse.
    Another big step forward was realizing that I could cut down on my bingeing by choosing not to purge in any way after a binge. Without purging, my blood sugar didn't drop as dramatically and it was easier to get more and more space between binges.

     
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