Partial Seizures..Questions & Insight wanted.

jenip

My whole life I have suffered from depression/anxiety on and off. Three years ago I started suffering from a severe depression... along with them.. I started to "see" things.. "feel" things...and get strange sensations. I was diagnosed with depression with psychosis, and later after symptoms continued possibly a psychotic disorder (doctor in england thought it might be some kind of schizoaffective disorder as i suffered from mood swings).

One doctor I saw mentioned that the hallucenations could be from seizures... he said it was just an "idea". I ended up moving away, and taking my self off my seroquel (anti-psychotic). I always had residual symptoms... occasionally I'd see "see" and "feel" things... Which confused me.... I did not feel delusional or depressed.....it didn't feel like I was mentally ill.

Last night I saw a mans arm... quite large... holding some kind of gun.... it was at a weird angle.... and it was tampering with the trigger. It didn't scare me as so much did it suprize me. I didn't think it was a hallucenation, but nor did I think it was real.. I didn't really have much thought. I guess I just saw it.. was confused.. then kind of forgot about it.....

This morning I woke up scared and thought "Oh no.. are the hallucenations coming back ?"....
I did research on possible causes for hallucenations NOT from psychosis. I am certain i am not psychotic.. and that it's nothing to do with depression.
I researched.. and then I came across simple partial seizures... the same thing one of my doctors mentioned as a posiblility... I found a lot of information and peoples own experiances.... and I am completely floored. For years I've been labled with a psychotic disorder...... but I can 100% relate to people's experiances with partial seizures !!!!!! I feel relieved... I don't know if I have partial seizures for sure.. but I can relate to everything.... I almost feel like shouting "I AM NOT CRAZY AFTER ALL!" Everything I've been experiancing makes so much sense to me now......

Here are some symptoms I have been experianing for the past couple of years..... continiously.... sometimes happening more than other times.

- Constantly seeing orbs of light. Little floating fire balls.... they'd stop and start.. go through walls.. just like ghosts. I first saw them when I lived in England.. so of course I thought it might be a spirit of somesort as I lived right next to roman ruins... but i moved into a new house.. still saw them... moved 500 miles away..... still saw them...my boyfriend just thinks i am very well connected with the "other side"... i thought so too.. but now I think differently...

- Sensory and Visual hallucenations - I've seen huge tarantulas spinning **** up and down in the corners of my room, minature people on horses right infront of my eyes, etc. Those are the "majour" ones.. and the hallucenations are vivid and grainy looking. The thing that I have suffered from most badly is things "distoring"... I could be in the bathroom.. looking at a door knob.. and it would melt and distort. Flowers on painting.. moving.. and having "feeling"... blooming sensations.
Sometimes I'll be sitting in my chair.. and the chair will feel as if it's dropping... and my desk is very very high above me. I'll get really small... or sometimes really big.
Walls stretch... and objects appear flourecent and changing in colour (when i was being hospitilized i saw my dessor changing from greens to purple...etc)..
Things appear like they are moving when they are not. Face on my teddy bears would distort and look kind of evil. Once I was laying on my bed.. and it felt as if the bed was moving up and down... i'd physically feel close to the ceiling.... then far away.. as if the bed was swaying.

Sometimes it would feel as if someone dumped a glass of water on my chest.. and i'd be "wet" all over.. and try to strain out my shirt...... twist it to get out excess water.. but i'd be confused at how i got wet.. then before i know it.. i fell.. and its perfectly dry.


Things that happen more consisently are the orbs of light.. flashes of light.. and general numb feelings.. spacey feelings... and last night another hallucenation, and i get so many instances of deja vu at once, quite often.


Does this sound like partial epilepsy at all ? or some kind of anything ?

I wish somebody had thought of this years ago. I always wondered why i'd experiance things when I was "better".....
I am itching to let my NP know and see what she thinks.

I don't know why i am excited at this idea that I might have it.....i guess i am just really trying to figure out what's been wrong with me this whole time... i just really don't think it's anything psychotic. It was just a coicendence i fell into depression and mood swings... at least I hope.

Anyway.. can anyone relate or offer advice ?

The thing is.. is even if I am suffering from partial seizures.. they don't interfer with my life ..... I don't think I'd want to go on meds..... so is it worth mentioning it my doctors or not ? I've been on so many meds for the treatment of "schizophrenia" that I am sick of them. I wasted too much time on medicine and not enough time living.

Any insight would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks
Jeni