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  • Trying to Help a grieving friend long distance.

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    Old 04-10-2015, 07:48 PM   #1
    Join Date: Apr 2015
    Posts: 3
    Ariel886 HB User
    Trying to Help a grieving friend long distance.

    Hey there. So my story, or shall I say my friends story is quite complicated. She lives on the east coast and I am half way across the country. Over the past 10 years she has been an addict and her boyfriend was also an addict although he was prescribed many of his pain meds. He was paralyzed from the waist down and in a wheel chair since before they met. They were head over heels in love.
    Back to her story.. She had gotten into some trouble and had lost everything leaving her with no choice but to go to jail and then court ordered rehab. A month before she was due to be released her boyfriend passed away from medical complications due to infection and sepsis. She hadn't seen him in 4 months and barely was able to have phone conversations. She is indescribably devastated. She is losing her house, has no license or car, and is living with his parents who are also grieving their son, all while trying to remain sober.
    The most recent issue has been that she is so stressed out that her blood pressure is high, she has chest pains, can't stop crying, etc and she has decided to get a prescription of xanax ( her drug of choice) just to get through the day. On top of all of that the father of her boyfriend thinks she is sleeping around everytime she leaves their house with a male friend of her boyfriends (also a friend of hers). This is just one more thing for her to stress out about and can lead to complete relapse.
    I guess my question is how can I help her cope with these situations and the death from across the country? I know I can only do so much but it's not enough for me. I refuse to lose another friend to drugs! it breaks my heart to know she is in so much pain. I have scheduled a flight to visit her but it's a very short trip due to my work schedule. I would help her move here but I'm not sure if that's the right thing either or if she would even be willing. Please, to anyone who has been in this situation or dealt with the loss of a loved one, give me some guidance. Any thoughts or experiences would be greatly appreciated.

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    Phoenix (05-17-2015)
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    Old 05-17-2015, 04:09 AM   #2
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    Re: Trying to Help a grieving friend long distance.

    Hello Ariel886 and welcome.

    Firstly,my condolences go out to the son's family and your friend.

    It appears that she's acting out and doesn't want to deal directly with the hurt of the loss of her boyfriend,coupled with all of the misfortune that has unfortunately come her way.

    Location switch isn't always the best move, as one can find drugs almost anywhere;as long as they're motivated to do so.

    Have you suggested that she see a cognitive therapist?

    It seems that she has a lot to unburden herself of and she refuses to lessen the burden in a healthy way.

    Visiting her is fine....

    Let her know that you're concerned and will always be there as a friend.

    Please try not to get yourself too wrapped up in her life,to the extent that it becomes effecting your own.

    I've seen this happen in the past and it's not a pretty sight to behold.

    Please feel free to post as often as you like and know that you're always welcome here;as are all of the members of these boards.


    Respectfully Phoenix
    When in doubt, post it out.

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