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  • HELP !!! MY BF IS ADDICTED TO HEROIN, COCAINE

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    Old 06-09-2003, 11:46 AM   #1
    TearyEYES
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    Unhappy HELP !!! MY BF IS ADDICTED TO HEROIN, COCAINE

    .........

    We met in November of 2002 and started dating again.Untill about three months ago it was like living in afairy tale things were great. He met this friend who they would drink with occasonally & he took me with him everywhere he went because he said he had nothing to hide from me. Well than that abruptly stopped. He would go somewhere after work and lie to me. He would make up the most dumbest exuses. And he would never have money anymore and never take me out or spend time with his friends. First it started as once a week thing and then elevated about a month ago to everyday.
    One day he left me at his house and said he will be back in 30 min. i waited 7 hours. That day i recieved a phone call from the gf of a guy who he was shooting up heroin with and told me the news. I was so horrified i cried like i never cried before. I blamed my self for being so stupid and not noticing his dry mouth blurred speach and dialated pupils when he came to my house in the evening. I felt helpless. Getting my thoughts together i decided to stay calm and talk to him. When he came back and took me home i finally opened my mouth and try to say something but instead only tears rolled down my cheeks.(he hates when i cry) I asked him if it he was shooting up heroin. He ofcourse denied it after i told him how i found out he admited to using it but said he wasnt addicted. He promised he would stop hanging out with his newly found friend.
    Next week came same things started to hapen and he would lie to me about where he was going. By the time the week was over i had enough i decided to follow him. I though if maybe i catch him he would admit that he was addicted and maybe realize that he is driving me insane. i took the car down to the "friends" house i waited by the front and saw his car & he saw me too. he tryed to get away but i found him and when he stopped on reed light ran out and started pleading with him he was so angry. That evening he came to me admited to his addiction and said he is tired , wants to stop and wants his life back he was practically crying when he said that. He finally told me the story of how it happened and what they were shooting up. He said it was cocaine & heroine mixed for a better high. He said he never shaired needles for u can buy them in any store for like a $1. It took anothe3r couple days before he stopped assosiating with his "friend". Meanwhile i was depressed and alone for i couldnt really tell anyone or ask for anyones help. All i could do is cry and pray and blame myself.
    Days passed and i realized i had to do something so i started calling numbers anything i could find on the internet and phone directorys i found a couple of places that u can go into for free. Like salvation army offers free 6 mo residency programs and a detox that goes by sliding fee scale. I called about 100 numbers that day if not more talked to counselors nurses and even got hunged up on =(. I told him about detox he agreed but said will try tapering the dosage i knew it wasnt going to work but had to compromise with him. It worked for a while he finally started working regularly and seemed more alive thatn again hes lost control he still doesnt hang around with anyone instead did it by himself. I praised him for leaving his friends behind i guess that a first step and tell him that i love him. Its so hard sometimes to stay stable and supportive cause everyday its new feeling i have eithet sad mad or angry at the world. I always tell him that its a lifelong battle now and that i believe he is strong and that we could beat this. One day i even thought that maybe i am engouraging this beahavior by staying with him , but when i mentioned to him about maybe spliting up for his own good he said that he could never make it without my love and support. He never really wants to talk about it for i know he is ashamed of not being able to control his life i still push him little by little. And usually he opens up from time to time.
    He can't afford to go to detox because he has responsobilities of sharing rent and working nor can he afford to let anyone else in on his addiction. His family is religious and my family is prejudice. I ve researched so much about it and at times feel like i am the one with addiction.
    Recently i stumbled on to a medicine called Buprenorphine or "SUBUTEX" used to help with withdraw syptoms i have read tons about it and its seems to have high succes rate and withdrawal is what he feers i ve also stumbeld onto dr.BECKS finding he uses buprenorphine and naltrexone for treatment and says it has high succes rate depending on patients attitude. I found a place where i could order it and also talked to a couple doctors.
    I thought about 12 step program or counseling for him but he said he wont go there because he used to go to AA meetings and all they did is remind him and make him want to drink more.
    If anyone has any additional info please reply either here or my email i will greatly appreciate it

     
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    Old 06-09-2003, 12:26 PM   #2
    timsworld73
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    I am sorry to hear your story, it is always a tough spot to have someone you love or care about with an addiction problem. Has he told you how long he has been using? I know he might feel ashamed and not want to talk about it, but has he told you why he started using? Was he depressed or looking to get away from his problems? I lost many relationships to my addiction, including having to choose between getting married or keeping my addiction...I chose wrong(addiction) and feel it was the second worst mistake of my life...number 1 being starting in the first place. Do you feel he is serious in wanting to quit. You have to at least admit you have a problem and need help otherwise you cant help him, he has to want it first. My brother was an addict to crank/coke and his recovery from that seemed alot easier than getting off opiates, but I dont know anything about coke, but the opiates are tough to get off of...but it can be done. Have you found a Dr. in your area that will give Subutex or even the new one Suboxone? You can support him and love him...but in the end it is him that has to want to get clean. Good Luck and why dont you see if he will get on the computer and maybe look at alot of the old threads around this board...this board has saved more than a few people.

     
    Old 06-09-2003, 01:27 PM   #3
    Hopefortoday
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    Tearyeyes . . . I can relate to your story and believe me, I know how you feel. Tim's so right in that your boyfriend must want to get clean and he must do the things necessary to do so. You can't do it for him.

    Take care and God bless . . . in every situation there is hope. Good luck to you.

     
    Old 06-09-2003, 05:50 PM   #4
    TearyEYES
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    Thank you so much for your replies its good to know i am not alone out there =). He does want help i ve seen him try its just that withdrawal symptoms get tough and he needs medicine. And regarding dr in our area he doesnt have medical insurance and works for cash but i found a place on internet where theres free doctor consultation i'l have to chek into to it more. My bf told me several times that he is tired of it and that he wants to quit and get his life back he tells me he loves me so much and wants to quit.
    Hes been using for about 3 months now and told me how it all started. Him and his "friend" were drinking like usual just talking and watching tv . He said he was pretty wasted and his friend insisted ( the sad part i know how manupilative this guy can be) well he did it once and it was convient for his friend to get him on the needle for my bf always had money and a car. he tried to quit on several ocasions using vicodine for i found pills and he admitted to me but everytime this guy called him he would get off track again.
    I asked my bf why he started using he said i wouldnt understand only if i walked in his shoes. I keep pushing for him to tell me more but i take it easy cause i know he feels ashamed and not having control of his life. i just tell him that he is strong and that i love him. He always tells me that we can get through this because two is better than one.

    ................

     
    Old 06-09-2003, 06:09 PM   #5
    Geneva
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    An addiction in a loved one can make YOU even sicker than they are. You can spend your time worrying and focusing on them and your own health and well being suffers. I would suggest you go to Alanon meetings. They are free......and are for people who love addicts..

    You will meet people with the same problems...you will come to understand addiction and what you can and cannot change about your situation...

    Go to several meetings ....it takes awhile to figure out what's going on..

    The group I go to has saved me from total insanity...

     
    Old 06-09-2003, 09:51 PM   #6
    timsworld73
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    Geneva is right...I swear sometimes I put my family through more than I could have ever gone through...its always the one you love that suffer. There is no doubt tht withdrawls can and most of the time a real *****. Your boyfriend has to ask himself a very important question...Who does he want controlling his life...himself or a needle? I am sure that sounds like an easy question, but when your addicted to a substance that can take every ounce of will-power you have and make it evaporate faster than you can say Lady Heroin...it can be tough. You might not understand why he started...no one but him can really understand, and I totally understand him feeling ashamed. I felt the exact same way, and told my family the exact same thing...you would not unserstand...thats alright, if he is serious and ready for help, then he has to take the steps to get help. Drug addiction, I have learned, can take control of yor life like nothing I have ever experienced, and you have to be ready and I mean really ready to tke control back...because it is not easy...but it is possible. There are detox centers that can help, counseling(for you and him). If you can find a Dr. that will help him by trying Subutex, or Suboxone then fine...what ever it takes to get clean. Like I said before in humor...I dont care if you pray to a 1 liter Dr. Pepper bottle...if it gets you clean and works for you, then go for it. But the serious side of that is, whatever he needs to do to get control of his own life...I got sick and tired of letting a souless and bitter pill tht was no bigger than a penny controlling every aspect of my life..and when your tired of not being in control and ready for help...there is always hope.

     
    Old 06-11-2003, 09:40 AM   #7
    ADowgie
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    Teary Eyes, my heart goes out to you. Only yesterday the man who I have been engaged to for over a year told me he has an addiction to Oxycontin. He is very sick right now and I don't know what to do. I am so angry at him and cannot help but see him as weak and somewhat tainted. I know who he was getting these pills from, a guy who was supposed to be his longtime friend, but even before this happened, this guy was a complete loser in my eyes. [Someone you just know that gets into this kind of trouble constantly (along with living in a rooming house, no driver's license bc he is a habitual traffic offender)] I don't know what to do!! I don't trust my fiance, I love him and want to help him, I want my old boyfriend back, not this empty shell. I just don't know how to help. I can't even believe this is happening to us, I live with him and I didn't even notice! Does anyone have any advice?

     
    Old 06-11-2003, 09:54 AM   #8
    MR.MScontin
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    OXYCONTIN IS A VERY POWERFUL DRUG TO QUIT. I SUGGEST YOU LOOK INTO THE SUBOXONE. I WAS ON METHADONE AND HE WILL REMAIN A SHELL IF HE GETS ON THAT!
    THERE ARE MANY DR.'S OUT THERE WANTING TO HELP, AND NOW THEY CAN.
    I PERSONALLY HAVE BEEN ON SUBOXONE FOR A MONTH AND AM DOING BETTER THAT I THOUGHT POSSIBLE! MY SELF ESTEEM HAS SKYROCKETED, AND MY DEPRESSION HAS CLEARED!!
    NO CRAVINGS EITHER!!! LOOK INTO IT AND HAVE YOUR LOVED ONE DO THE SAME, IT IS A WONDERFUL THING!!
    KEEP ON KEEPN' ON,
    MS

     
    Old 06-11-2003, 10:57 AM   #9
    TearyEYES
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    ADowgie i am sorry u are going through this. I practically live with my bf and didnt notice. And empty shell that u are talking about i know it too well. I was angry at my bf too. I just wish u the best and stay strong because he needs u.
    Everyone else thankyou for your replies. Somedays things are looking up and others its worse. He tries to lie about dosages. Yesterday we had a great talk he was so agry because i didnt let him go to the drug dealer he was practically about to leave me but i talked him down to thinking about what he is doing he was calm within a moment. In the evening we had a great talk. I told him i want the old him back. He said sorry a million times and that he wants to stop so bad, that he wants us to be happy and have a family and that he is trying. He never can tell me the reason he started but that he had a hard life, maybe some day. i insisted on him going to a counselor but he said i make him feel better than any counselor.
    If anyone has any advice on how to talk to him or be more comforting i would apreciate it.

     
    Old 06-11-2003, 12:19 PM   #10
    007stepmom
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    I totally feel your pain. I have a 20ish stepson who is a crack/herion addict. I agree with the above about this will only work if he is ready for it to. The old saying of you can lead a horse to water but you can not make it drink stands for a addict. No amount of love you can give someone will save them unless they want to be saved. I encourage you to work on yourself. Save yourself. Attend a support group in your area. Here we have one called Herion hurts. It helps to know you are not alone and you will learn alot about co dependent behavior. Second accept the things you can not change. Meaning you can not change him. He is the only person that can change himself. You can change your reactions to his using and not take them as a personal sign that you have failed in some mysterious way or that god is punishing you for some horrible thing you must have done in the past. Which I think you said you felt like you did something to cause him to use it. That is co dependency sweetie. There alot of very useful things here online you can read about co dependency. Learn from them and use the tools you can pick up so your not beating yourself over the head with a dead horse every time he falls or relapses.
    Third and I speak from dealing with my own "A" (ADDICT) he is the master or minipulation. They have to be. My "A" lies straight faced and can make me feel like a suck egg dog if I do not lead him 5 bucks to ride the bus. He will even use his cutie pouty face. But you know what I do. I stopped allowing it. If he wants money for gas. Fine I will take the car to the gas station load her up and off we go. He will stand there like what just happened. Mom did not give me the 20 bucks. So he will say I need money for the bus. Great sure! I will go down and buy a week ticket and hand him the ticket. Again he will stand there like DUH! Then he will say Mom I need money for lunch. Great! Sure! Off I go to the sub shop I buy him a sub and chips and a soda and hand it to him. Never will I hand him cash. Because if I do he goes straight to the dealer and buys it with my money. Like your BF my son has a great job. But he never has money for child support which he is in the rears for. He never has money for his personal hygenie stuff. He is always broke. Here I am working 8 hrs a day and paying for the house we all live in, buy food. He has no bills but the child support. Makes me so mad I could kick the crap out of him. This stuff about your BF using and back off. Sorry but that does not cut it for me. You gotta say you use again and I am gone and mean it. If he does pack up and leave. A Addict can not use once a day, once a week, once a month, once a year. A addict can not. Because if they do what happens? They want more. That is why they are an addict. So you need to set the rules. No gray area. Yeah he will be sick but you know what it is his fault. He did that to himself. not you. So stop feeling guilty for him. Guilt may kill him. He may use one more time and od and then what? You have to get strong and say look I love you but I hate what you do. You either quit and seek help or I am outta here. Then be prepared for him to say bye. If he does you have to have the courage to walk away. As you continue to work on yourself you keep telling yourself...God grant me the serentity to accept the THING I CANNOT CHANGE. The Courage to CHANGE THE THINGS I CAN. AND the COURAGE to know the DIFFERENCE.

    God bless you. I wish you well. I will say many prayer for our "A's" but please I beg you work on yourself. Because if you do not you are just biding your time. My step son Od'ed 5 times. Eachtime I took it personal. Then one day someone showed me how co dependent I was and I started making it a practice to change me first. Let go and let god. That is hard but if you do not you are just giving him the permisson to continue and some day it could be too late to save him.

    Hugs and Love,
    007

     
    Old 06-16-2003, 06:53 AM   #11
    ah1026
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    Wow, this is exactly what I came on here to find. This is my first time posting and just reading what everyone had to write is encouraging. I to have a "bf" who is a recovering addict (cocain) but has relapsed 4 times in the last 3 weeks. The worst part is that when he does it, he disappears. No one knows where he is, when he'll be home or who he is with. The hardest part about it for me are all the emotions that go along with it. I cry because I don't know if he is ok, get furious because of his irresponsibility, sick to my stomach because I feel as though some how it is my fault and helpless because I don't know what to do. Each time he comes home, he doesn't want to talk about it because he has heard it all before but it also seems that he is so mad at himself and that torchers him enough. I just recently found out about his problem when he stood me up for it. He says he wants to stop but for some reason it keeps pulling him in. The main causes seem to be depression and alcohol. He is working on the no drinking and is on medicine for the depression but there is something else that draws him to it. His money is managed for him and he lives with his parents but he still seems to find a way. There is nothing significantly keeping me in the situation, except for feelings and emotions and the fact that I know what a wonderful person he is. Over time the emotions and feelings would heal if I walked away. However, I was told that basically I am the best thing for him to get over this (by him) and I don't want to leave him (just the problem). Another thing is that his parents have been dealing with this a lot longer then I have and it breaks my heart to see the tears in his mothers eyes or to hear the concern in her voice whenever he is gone. She told me that she is looking for a support group for parents but with no luck, she doesn't feel as though she fits into the ones she has already tried. If anyone could give some references or numbers to groups or information that would help, please let me know. I do plan to find out his priorities in life but if anyone has any other suggestions on how to handle this situation, I'd appreciate anything. Thank you all for listening.

     
    Old 06-16-2003, 01:26 PM   #12
    TearyEYES
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    Hello to everyone ! thanks for your support and reply.
    ah1026 your story sounds all too familiar i wish u the best and stay strong because he needs.
    However my bf doesnt disaapear he still lies a lot about how he is taking and what he is taking. I know for a fact now that he shoots up most often and he is either on cocaine or heroin or both. He has gotten more irratable and a times seems more dipressed. i am curius if its beacuse he lowered the dosage or that he needs more? Yesterday i was so upset that when i found the drug dealers phone number i called her i heard my bf say her name before but she lie dto me saying it want her. She called my bf right away i didnt even mention names she just realized i have an accent in my voice. Now i realize how stupid it is that nothing i can do will make him stop the only thing i can help him with is relizing the reasons to quit. I hate putting words into his mouth so yesterday i aked him why he wants to quit. His main reason was because he is tired of it and it causes more problems. All i can do is be supportive and tell him that i believe in him. Right now i am not even trying to be a gf cause than i get out of control with trying to control him. For now i am just a friend who can give him 24/7 support. He does need a little push with the detox to obstain.
    ah1026 again stay strong and dont mistake and let his addiction become your obsession. It's tough when he goes missing for a couple of days it's something u have to talk to him about he can't ditch u like that too. I wish the best of luck to everyone who is fighting out there.

    TearyEYES

     
    Old 06-16-2003, 01:27 PM   #13
    TearyEYES
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    Hello to everyone ! thanks for your support and reply.
    ah1026 your story sounds all too familiar i wish u the best and stay strong because he needs.
    However my bf doesnt disaapear he still lies a lot about how he is taking and what he is taking. I know for a fact now that he shoots up most often and he is either on cocaine or heroin or both. He has gotten more irratable and a times seems more dipressed. i am curius if its beacuse he lowered the dosage or that he needs more? Yesterday i was so upset that when i found the drug dealers phone number i called her i heard my bf say her name before but she lie dto me saying it want her. She called my bf right away i didnt even mention names she just realized i have an accent in my voice. Now i realize how stupid it is that nothing i can do will make him stop the only thing i can help him with is relizing the reasons to quit. I hate putting words into his mouth so yesterday i aked him why he wants to quit. His main reason was because he is tired of it and it causes more problems. All i can do is be supportive and tell him that i believe in him. Right now i am not even trying to be a gf cause than i get out of control with trying to control him. For now i am just a friend who can give him 24/7 support. He does need a little push with the detox to obstain.
    ah1026 again stay strong and dont mistake and let his addiction become your obsession. It's tough when he goes missing for a couple of days it's something u have to talk to him about he can't ditch u like that too. I wish the best of luck to everyone who is fighting out there.

    TearyEYES

     
    Old 06-16-2003, 01:30 PM   #14
    TearyEYES
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    Hello to everyone ! thanks for your support and reply.
    ah1026 your story sounds all too familiar i wish u the best and stay strong because he needs.
    However my bf doesnt disaapear he still lies a lot about how he is taking and what he is taking. I know for a fact now that he shoots up most often and he is either on cocaine or heroin or both. He has gotten more irratable and a times seems more dipressed. i am curius if its beacuse he lowered the dosage or that he needs more? Yesterday i was so upset that when i found the drug dealers phone number i called her i heard my bf say her name before but she lie dto me saying it want her. She called my bf right away i didnt even mention names she just realized i have an accent in my voice. Now i realize how stupid it is that nothing i can do will make him stop the only thing i can help him with is relizing the reasons to quit. I hate putting words into his mouth so yesterday i aked him why he wants to quit. His main reason was because he is tired of it and it causes more problems. All i can do is be supportive and tell him that i believe in him. Right now i am not even trying to be a gf cause than i get out of control with trying to control him. For now i am just a friend who can give him 24/7 support. He does need a little push with the detox to obstain.
    ah1026 again stay strong and dont let his addiction become your obsession. It's tough when he goes missing for a couple of days it's something u have to talk to him about he can't ditch u like that too. I wish the best of luck to everyone who is fighting out there.

    TearyEYES

     
    Old 06-18-2003, 07:13 PM   #15
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    well, I dont see many on this board but I am a very heavy heroin/cocaine addict and from the source I would like to help you with your questions in anyway possible way. I would also like to say your b/f is very lucky to have you as a companion. Ive been dumped on my *** 3 and one final time due to my addiction. All I have now is family.

     
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