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    Old 11-30-2003, 08:07 PM   #1
    NicoleBa
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    Question Husband addicted to heroin

    My husband is sniffing heroin. Some specific things I have been dealing with. He has been in and out of jail for stealing to get high. We dont have a sex life at all. I think I've seen him a total of 4 days this month. He has stolen from me and our home. He has lied so much, I dont believe a word he says. He claims he loves me and wants to make our marriage work. I told him thats alot of bull. If he wanted it he knows the 'first' step that needs to be made to try and get his life together. I am so disgusted and disappointed right now. We moved to Georgia from Boston and things were really good for the first 5 months. He went back to visit and came back high and never looked back. All this after being clean for over 2 years. I just feel like giving up. He mailed me a letter saying he just cant face me knowing how much he has hurt me. He showed up Thanksgiving night we talked for a long time and he said he was so tired and wants to stop. After a while I saw that look in his eye and he was getting anxious. I knew he would be making an excuse to leave soon and be off and running again. Someone please give me some advice and encouragement.

     
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    Old 11-30-2003, 09:04 PM   #2
    LaynesADDICTI0N
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    Re: Husband addicted to heroin

    heroin is a hard one to beat, everything you said about him is all drug seeking behavior and believe me or him, you do get tired and you always want to stop. My best advise is talk about going into an inpatient facility for a while, his behavior seems very out of control and I dont think it would be a good idea to keep him on the street during his recovery.

     
    Old 12-02-2003, 04:41 AM   #3
    sadsister
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    Re: Husband addicted to heroin

    If you love him don't give up!He had 2 yrs. clean-thats why this relapse is so tough.
    Addicts like to make up for lost time-each relapse(after long periods of sobriety are difficult to beat0 but can be done.
    Heroin is a real tough one too.
    I speak from experience-having been addicted for 8 yrs 0n/off-
    Im currently on suboxone-removes the cravings/maintains addicts w/an opiate replacement.
    Check the dr. locator on web-for a doc in your area and suggest a program to your hubby.
    If you want to save your marraige and he does too...he may have to seek a program for detox and/or methadone/or suboxone.
    Just some suggestions.
    Good luck/Goddess bless!
    Heather

     
    Old 12-02-2003, 06:05 AM   #4
    NicoleBa
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    Re: Husband addicted to heroin

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by LaynesADDICTI0N
    heroin is a hard one to beat, everything you said about him is all drug seeking behavior and believe me or him, you do get tired and you always want to stop. My best advise is talk about going into an inpatient facility for a while, his behavior seems very out of control and I dont think it would be a good idea to keep him on the street during his recovery.
    Thank you very much for the information and suggestions. The only problem is we speak so sporadically. He makes a point to call when he knows I wont be home so he can just 'leave a message'. (His way of saying I'm still alive out here).

     
    Old 12-02-2003, 06:10 AM   #5
    NicoleBa
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    Re: Husband addicted to heroin

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by sadsister
    If you love him don't give up!He had 2 yrs. clean-thats why this relapse is so tough.
    Addicts like to make up for lost time-each relapse(after long periods of sobriety are difficult to beat0 but can be done.
    Heroin is a real tough one too.
    I speak from experience-having been addicted for 8 yrs 0n/off-
    Im currently on suboxone-removes the cravings/maintains addicts w/an opiate replacement.
    Check the dr. locator on web-for a doc in your area and suggest a program to your hubby.
    If you want to save your marraige and he does too...he may have to seek a program for detox and/or methadone/or suboxone.
    Just some suggestions.
    Good luck/Goddess bless!
    Heather
    Thank you Heather. You have given me alot of insight into this horrible disease. Its hard to separate the man from the disease and the behaviors related to it. I also had no idea that an addict likes to make up for lost time. Any more insight and/or information you can give me will be appreciated more than you will ever know. Good Luck to you as well.

     
    Old 12-02-2003, 06:40 AM   #6
    chefob1
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    Re: Husband addicted to heroin

    i used heroin/opiates for many years....he has a disease and its hard to overcome..im divorced father of two beautiful kids and wish i could take back all the wrongs i did,stealin,lyin,ect....its tough,i know miss very much what i once had...300,000 home to homeless in two yrs...it is a disease,remeber that,he needs help, but needs to do it on his own,consequences or not....i wish there was never such a thing as addiction...got a little part of my life back...go to a/a and n/a mtgs...hopeful....chef

     
    Old 12-02-2003, 06:48 PM   #7
    NicoleBa
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    Re: Husband addicted to heroin

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by chefob1
    i used heroin/opiates for many years....he has a disease and its hard to overcome..im divorced father of two beautiful kids and wish i could take back all the wrongs i did,stealin,lyin,ect....its tough,i know miss very much what i once had...300,000 home to homeless in two yrs...it is a disease,remeber that,he needs help, but needs to do it on his own,consequences or not....i wish there was never such a thing as addiction...got a little part of my life back...go to a/a and n/a mtgs...hopeful....chef
    Thanks for keepn it real with me Chef. Thats what I really need. The truth. No matter how tough or hard it is to hear.

     
    Old 12-03-2003, 02:15 AM   #8
    chefob1
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    Re: Husband addicted to heroin

    just so you know...he is a prime candidate for suboxone or methadone...itll keep him out of the enviroment he is in and rewire his brain with n/a...a/a....family,ect.until he decides to deal w/his disease......

     
    Old 12-03-2003, 05:08 AM   #9
    sadsister
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    Re: Husband addicted to heroin

    Hi Chef/Wife-
    Chef..hi there!Always good to see your posts-we are about the same age/some very similar circumstances..you do keep it real!
    Are you in the program..aa/na?
    I go to some meetings but not regularly.
    Still doing the subox treatment-down to 4 or 6 mgs. a day.No real change from the eight mgs..no relapses of late..its a good thing.
    Wife-
    Your hubby is hiding out somewhere?See if he would agree to detox-then try the suboxone or methadone plan-just might do the trick.
    I know its gotta be tough when you are not addicted-to deal w/ someone who is..my family still doesn't get it.
    Al-anon are like AA meetings but for family members/others whom have to deal w/ an addict in there lives.
    Check out if there are meetings in your area-so you can understand the nature of addiction..it helps alot.
    Good luck!
    Heather

     
    Old 12-03-2003, 05:40 AM   #10
    rosita
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    Re: Husband addicted to heroin

    Its tough.

    I spent nearly 4 years with my ex-partner who was a heroin addict. He was always getting clean for a week or two then falling off the wagon. It nearly killed me. In my experience it was the methadone that seemed to be the final nail in the coffin for him in fighting his addiction. Once he went on that it was all over as he didn't get high anymore so he was never satisfied - he became obsessed with finding a better hit. Plus it stopped giving him a reason to really get up in the mornings as his drugs wee being prescribed.

    Probably not what you want to hear but 5 years ago I hardened my heart and left him to fight it by himself. All the love in the world (which is what I was giving) wasn't helping, he was lying to me, heroin always came first and I didn't want to be dragged down into the black hole of his addiction anymore. I have never looked back or regretted my decision - I am very happy with someone else and married.

    Over the next few years we kept in occasional touch - only time I ever felt like I was speaking to the real person beneath the addiction was one time when he wrote me from a rehab centre and was clean - he apologised for the first time ever - he had hit rock bottom, his Mum had bailed him out put him in the centre. He stayed clean about 5 months I think - as soon as he returned to old drug stomping grounds he was back on it again.

    It sounds bad but I knew he would never shake the monkey on his back - in some ways I think he knew it too. He had woken up one day and H had become his master not just his mistress and it is a very jealous master who does not like being ignored or made second best. One thing that sticks in my mind is how much he hated to hear H being insulted almost as if he was defending a lover.

    If you wonder why I am writing in past tense its because last November I got the phone call telling me he had died alone in a hotel room in Bangkok, age 30, apparently he had been "clean" before this but had been on a night out and presumably the temptation was too much. I wasn't surprised, in fact I had been expecting it, however it still hurt like hell. His family's lives are in pieces too I am just glad he didn't have any children.

    You need to make some tough decisions - in my experience you can't fight this disease with love however much you want to. The only person who has any say in this is your husband and whether he can fight it will depend on many things.

    Good luck - you have a long and rocky road ahead of you - I hope you have friends and family who understand so you don't have to deal with this by yourself.

    Rosita x

     
    Old 12-03-2003, 06:03 AM   #11
    chefob1
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    Re: Husband addicted to heroin

    the oppisite side to rositas coin is that there are succesful stories also...god moves in mysterious ways...i pray that one day,ill be on that side of the coin.....but she is most definetely correct in her circumstance....she is a strong woman....it is a very hard thing to overcome once you are wired into this way of life...it is a very selfish disease....no matter what my intentions are,and ill tell ya they mean right,i have to watch,every minute,that i will not fall back to that lifestyle...that is a point also...if you choose to stick by this guy,it will always be a demon he has to deal with,for the rest of his years...it never goes away..it might subside...hell have to be on his toes,everyday from now until.....

     
    Old 12-03-2003, 06:06 AM   #12
    LoriC
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    Re: Husband addicted to heroin

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by NicoleB
    My husband is sniffing heroin. Some specific things I have been dealing with. He has been in and out of jail for stealing to get high. We dont have a sex life at all. I think I've seen him a total of 4 days this month. He has stolen from me and our home. He has lied so much, I dont believe a word he says. He claims he loves me and wants to make our marriage work. I told him thats alot of bull. If he wanted it he knows the 'first' step that needs to be made to try and get his life together. I am so disgusted and disappointed right now. We moved to Georgia from Boston and things were really good for the first 5 months. He went back to visit and came back high and never looked back. All this after being clean for over 2 years. I just feel like giving up. He mailed me a letter saying he just cant face me knowing how much he has hurt me. He showed up Thanksgiving night we talked for a long time and he said he was so tired and wants to stop. After a while I saw that look in his eye and he was getting anxious. I knew he would be making an excuse to leave soon and be off and running again. Someone please give me some advice and encouragement.

    NicoleB - I was with a person for almost a year who was addicted to crank, coke, alcohol, and sex. He was violent, and not only risked my life with his violence but also put me at risk of a STD. No one can "MAKE" someone stop doing something destructive. He needs to come to a place where he wants to quit for himself before he can do anything for your marriage. The most important thing for you is to protect yourself and if you have any children, them too.

    I wish you all the best of luck, and pray that things work out well.

     
    Old 12-03-2003, 06:15 AM   #13
    rosita
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    Re: Husband addicted to heroin

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by chefob1
    ....no matter what my intentions are,and ill tell ya they mean right,i have to watch,every minute,that i will not fall back to that lifestyle...that is a point also...if you choose to stick by this guy,it will always be a demon he has to deal with,for the rest of his years...it never goes away..it might subside...hell have to be on his toes,everyday from now until.....
    I guess that is my point Chefob

    My ex died while apparently "clean". In my view a H addict (note my ex took everything opiates, morpheine, tomazapan, poppy seed tea you name it he took it) can never say they are "clean" for life.

    My marriage now has its ups and downs but even when we argue we alwayscommunicate which is something I eventually stopped being able to do at all with my ex. I would rather not speak to him at all than speak to him when he was high, or craving, or withdrawing... he became 100% selfish and unable to consider anybody but himself.

    I hope your story is happier than mine just wanted to paint yet another common consequence of H addiction which nobody had mentioned i.e. death. I could name about 5 of my exes cronies who have since died exactly the same way.

    I am glad I no longer have to deal with H in my life - I wish you all the best in your battle with the demon.

    rosita x

     
    Old 12-03-2003, 06:59 AM   #14
    Erynn
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    Re: Husband addicted to pain pills!!

    Hi, I completely understand how you feel. My husband has been addicted to pain pills (oxycontin, hydrocodone) for the past 3 years. He has even been in jail because of them and still can't stay away. He has tryed to quit numerous times and sometimes he even lasts a month or two but everytime he runs into a friend of his, they talk him into getting something to get high and then he is right back where he started. I know how frustrating it can be especially the sex part. He never shows any affection towards me or even talks to me for that matter. Our marriage has had its bad times which almost ended up in divorce more than once, but some how we always make it through the hard times. He wants to quit but he doesn't know how, and to tell you the truth I don't either!! So believe me I completely understand where you are coming from and how you feel. It will get better, Erynn

     
    Old 12-03-2003, 07:31 AM   #15
    NicoleBa
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    Re: Husband addicted to heroin

    Thanks Heather/Chef,
    I heard about a medication called naltrexone used with rapid detox. Do you know if that works at all? Are the medications you named used in place of heroin and the dosages are slowly decreased? As soon as I hear from him again I will bring all of these things up. Its hard to have those discussion on payphones, especially if he's calling from the cop spot. Just pray for me and him, that he will start on the path again. I found a Nar-Anon meeting in my area. There are very few around. Do you recommend I go to any NA meetings as well?

     
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