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  • My older sister started drinking again....what should I do?

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    Old 01-03-2004, 10:49 PM   #1
    binkyholder
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    My older sister started drinking again....what should I do?

    To make a long story as short as possible, my older sister (45) is an alcoholic. She started drinking and doing drugs when she was 14 and it accelerated from there.

    We had many years growing up of dealing with her rages, violence, drug and alcoholic binges. She finally quit drinking in her mid twenties. My dad (who was also an alcoholic) introduced her to AA and they went to meetings, etc.

    Well my dad passed away 8 years ago. My sister continued to attend meetings and spoke at a lot of them.

    This New Years, we had a party over at my twin sisters house. My older sister was there and she was smoking pot (which I knew about, she's been doing that for years). Next thing I know, my brother-in-law was pouring her a glass of wine!! I didn't know what to say or do, I was in shock. He later told me she had asked for the wine. I said he should have refused to give it to her, and he replied "well she's a big girl". You see, he's never lived with an alcoholic and has not seen the side of her that I have when she's drunk, he is so stunned! I am so mad at him. He should be respectful of his wife and not push it on her!!!

    Also, about 9 months ago she moved in with a guy who drinks like crazy. For years she has never wanted anything to do with guys who drink and now she's living with him. It has clicked in that she's probably been drinking for a while.

    Anyways, how should I handle this? Should I confront her and ask her what the hell she's doing with her life? I just don't get it why she would turn back to drugs and alcohol? It is very heart breaking, b/c she'll be on another downward spiral before we know it.

    Very sad. :crying

     
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    Old 01-04-2004, 06:27 AM   #2
    Bodymechanic
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    Re: My older sister started drinking again....what should I do?

    Having a loved one destroy themselves with alcohol or drugs is a painful and frustrating situation. As I believe you already know, there really isn't much you can do. Confronting her will probably make things worse. You could gently reminder her that she has a chronic disease which needs long term care. There are medications already on the market and coming on the market that could help her. If you don't have an alcohol or a drug problem, you could not even begin to understand what goes on in her head.

     
    Old 01-04-2004, 01:29 PM   #3
    mjk291
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    Re: My older sister started drinking again....what should I do?

    [/SIZE][/FONT][SIZE=7]Take her to the worst drug rehab center you can find and ask for a tour.
    My wife stopped my drinking that day!
    It worked for me and I was an extremely heavy drinker.
    Explain the cons to drinking, find a pic online of an 80 year old drinkers liver and copy the crap out of it, tell the liver is only 30 years old..
    Find stories of drunk drivers who have killed and are now in jail for Vehiculure Homicide.
    It's endless.
    Your not here to make it fun/funny for her.
    YOU NEED TO SCARE THE **** OUT OF HER!!

    Excuse my typos.

    Mike. Non Drinker for 12 years.

     
    Old 01-04-2004, 09:30 PM   #4
    binkyholder
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    Re: My older sister started drinking again....what should I do?

    Yes, but that sounds all fine and dandy. The ironic thing, is she is an addictions counsellor and she counsells the worst of the worst drunks there is. I just don't get her thinking?? She also started taking an anti-depressant over a year ago and it has improved her mood swings, but in a way I think its clouding her thinking. She seems stunned.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by mjk291
    [/SIZE][/FONT][SIZE=7]Take her to the worst drug rehab center you can find and ask for a tour.
    My wife stopped my drinking that day!
    It worked for me and I was an extremely heavy drinker.
    Explain the cons to drinking, find a pic online of an 80 year old drinkers liver and copy the crap out of it, tell the liver is only 30 years old..
    Find stories of drunk drivers who have killed and are now in jail for Vehiculure Homicide.
    It's endless.
    Your not here to make it fun/funny for her.
    YOU NEED TO SCARE THE **** OUT OF HER!!

    Excuse my typos.

    Mike. Non Drinker for 12 years.

     
    Old 01-08-2004, 08:48 PM   #5
    Nikki9398
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    Re: My older sister started drinking again....what should I do?

    Hey binky..
    The sad thing is you sister probobly has been drinking for a while. Addicts are fantastic at lying and covering up their true problems. Though she probobly loves you more than life, she will lie to you constantly: Alcoholics are the world's best liars.

    You must realise that alcoholism is a disease. You must reach the point where you actually see your sister as a sick person. She is, in fact, as sick - or sicker - than if he suffered from cancer or diabetes. Their drinking habits and irrational conduct are but symptoms of this disease.

    You may be hearing all these thing you should do.. but here is what NOT TO DO:

    Never treat her as though she was a naughty child. You may think that they act that way, but overlook it, and never mention it. Don't check up to see how much they drink. Such common mistakes in judgment provide her with the best possible excuse to go on a real binge. Never attempt to discuss the drinking problem with an alcoholic while she is drinking in any case. It stirs up antagonism, which calls for further drinking.

    Your Attitude Is Important

    Usually the best time to approach her is during a remorseful hangover period. Be casually sympathetic. No recrimination - no criticism - no condemnation. Never argue. Let talk, and if she says he must do something about her drinking, tell her you know what can be done. Don't, however, mention any specific thing unless she asks. Have some literature handy, but don't press it on her. Better to just leave it around where she is likely to pick it up.

    Al-Anon offers understanding and support for families and friends of problem drinkers, whether the alcoholic is still drinking or not. Alateen is for young people aged 12-20 who have been affected by someone else's drinking. The parents, children, wives, husbands, friends and colleagues of alcoholics could all be helped by Al-Anon and Alateen whether or not the drinker in their lives recognises that a problem exists.

    Good Luck and keep me posted...
    I have been on both sides of the fence.. the sad thing is only 15% of alcoholics ever recover.. Your sister is very lucky to have you care so deeply for her.. with that support she can be one of those 15%
    Nikki

     
    Old 01-13-2004, 11:14 PM   #6
    binkyholder
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    Re: My older sister started drinking again....what should I do?

    Thanks for your response, it made a lot of sense.

    Well my sister has gone back home and has already mentioned to her daughter in law that she can handle drinking again b/c she's on anti-depressants. So, that cat is out of the bag.

    We'll see what happens when her son finds out.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Nikki9398
    Hey binky..
    The sad thing is you sister probobly has been drinking for a while. Addicts are fantastic at lying and covering up their true problems. Though she probobly loves you more than life, she will lie to you constantly: Alcoholics are the world's best liars.

    You must realise that alcoholism is a disease. You must reach the point where you actually see your sister as a sick person. She is, in fact, as sick - or sicker - than if he suffered from cancer or diabetes. Their drinking habits and irrational conduct are but symptoms of this disease.

    You may be hearing all these thing you should do.. but here is what NOT TO DO:

    Never treat her as though she was a naughty child. You may think that they act that way, but overlook it, and never mention it. Don't check up to see how much they drink. Such common mistakes in judgment provide her with the best possible excuse to go on a real binge. Never attempt to discuss the drinking problem with an alcoholic while she is drinking in any case. It stirs up antagonism, which calls for further drinking.

    Your Attitude Is Important

    Usually the best time to approach her is during a remorseful hangover period. Be casually sympathetic. No recrimination - no criticism - no condemnation. Never argue. Let talk, and if she says he must do something about her drinking, tell her you know what can be done. Don't, however, mention any specific thing unless she asks. Have some literature handy, but don't press it on her. Better to just leave it around where she is likely to pick it up.

    Al-Anon offers understanding and support for families and friends of problem drinkers, whether the alcoholic is still drinking or not. Alateen is for young people aged 12-20 who have been affected by someone else's drinking. The parents, children, wives, husbands, friends and colleagues of alcoholics could all be helped by Al-Anon and Alateen whether or not the drinker in their lives recognises that a problem exists.

    Good Luck and keep me posted...
    I have been on both sides of the fence.. the sad thing is only 15% of alcoholics ever recover.. Your sister is very lucky to have you care so deeply for her.. with that support she can be one of those 15%
    Nikki

     
    Old 01-14-2004, 01:18 AM   #7
    Joe Haddenuff
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    Re: My older sister started drinking again....what should I do?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Nikki9398
    Hey binky..
    The sad thing is you sister probobly has been drinking for a while. Addicts are fantastic at lying and covering up their true problems. Though she probobly loves you more than life, she will lie to you constantly: Alcoholics are the world's best liars.

    You must realise that alcoholism is a disease. You must reach the point where you actually see your sister as a sick person. She is, in fact, as sick - or sicker - than if he suffered from cancer or diabetes. Their drinking habits and irrational conduct are but symptoms of this disease.

    You may be hearing all these thing you should do.. but here is what NOT TO DO:

    Never treat her as though she was a naughty child. You may think that they act that way, but overlook it, and never mention it. Don't check up to see how much they drink. Such common mistakes in judgment provide her with the best possible excuse to go on a real binge. Never attempt to discuss the drinking problem with an alcoholic while she is drinking in any case. It stirs up antagonism, which calls for further drinking.

    Your Attitude Is Important

    Usually the best time to approach her is during a remorseful hangover period. Be casually sympathetic. No recrimination - no criticism - no condemnation. Never argue. Let talk, and if she says he must do something about her drinking, tell her you know what can be done. Don't, however, mention any specific thing unless she asks. Have some literature handy, but don't press it on her. Better to just leave it around where she is likely to pick it up.

    Al-Anon offers understanding and support for families and friends of problem drinkers, whether the alcoholic is still drinking or not. Alateen is for young people aged 12-20 who have been affected by someone else's drinking. The parents, children, wives, husbands, friends and colleagues of alcoholics could all be helped by Al-Anon and Alateen whether or not the drinker in their lives recognises that a problem exists.

    Good Luck and keep me posted...
    I have been on both sides of the fence.. the sad thing is only 15% of alcoholics ever recover.. Your sister is very lucky to have you care so deeply for her.. with that support she can be one of those 15%
    Nikki
    Best wishes to you and your sister.

    Last edited by AddictionMod; 01-14-2004 at 05:31 AM.

     
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