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    Old 04-13-2005, 07:42 PM   #1
    Scared Wife
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    Found A Pill Case

    Hi Everyone,

    I am oh-so disappointed. Today is my husband's b-day. I took him his cards & gifts (the gifts were actually bought for Xmas but he doesn't like Xmas so I saved them). He opened the cards & kissed me after each one but said he wanted to wait to open the gifts until the weekend. Reason being is that he didn't buy anything for me for my b-day in Feb. and wants to get something for me as well so we can celebrate our b-days over the weekend. Next thing I know, it's 7:30 & he's out like a light. By the way, his drastic insomnia seems to have taken a drastic turn in the opposite direction. Now he can't seem to keep his eyes open past 8-9pm regardless of what day of the week it is.

    When I dropped my lighter on the floor, I reached down to find it under the coffee table. Guess what I found? A pill case. Since he was sleeping, I took it in the upstairs bathroom to have a look. There were 3 different kinds in there. One is a long, blue pill with a "V" on one side and a 4-digit number on the other (valium maybe?). There were 3 pills that said GG on top and then 225 or 229 below it. (I wrote them down but can't find the paper now). There was also a real tiny one similar to the color of an Advil, but only about a third of the size. Do any of you know what these pills could be?

    At 9pm, his homeless friend waltzed through the door without even knocking. The house was dark & I didn't know he was coming - so it scared the heck out of me when the door opened & some guy walked right in. Suddenly, my Mr. Wonderful woke up and seemed all bright-eyed & bushy-tailed...talking away. Needless to say, I just left. As I left, he asked if I wanted to come to his job site tomorrow for lunch. I told him to call me near lunch time and I'd see how my work day is going.

    I have no intention of going to meet him for lunch. He's back to acting bizarre. It hurts my feelings that I can show up to acknowledge his b-day to show him I love him & care about him, only to watch him nod off but wake right up for his wonderful friend. Especially after I tried to call him twice after work to see how late he was working & my calls conveniently landed in his voice mail. The same deal last night after my craft class...2 calls, 2 voice mails and here all along he was sitting there yakking away with his friend & couldn't at least pick up for a brief conversation - if for no other reason, to see if I'd gotten in touch with his oral surgeon as I'd been tasked to do. However, he did call me this morning while I was on my way to work.

    I don't know what this game is even called anymore. I did ask about the pills before I left - he claims they are his mom's. She's been out of state since November so who's he kidding? They weren't there when he moved in at that time.

    Anyhow, I'm very heartbroken & disappointed in so many more ways than just one. Thanks for listening & letting me vent. All I wanted was to give him a Happy B-day.

    I hope all of you are doing well with your battles against addiction. I wish this was more than a message board because I could really use a hug and I'm sure some of you could use a hug today, too.

    Luv,
    Scared Wife

     
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    Old 04-14-2005, 03:03 AM   #2
    Travis420
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    Re: Found A Pill Case

    Scared Wife

    It is defently pain pills and valium you found. I'm not sure of which kind of pain pills he has, but my guess is, there are probably strong ones like percs or oxy's. About that friend of his, does he have the key to your house? If so then change the lock cause if you do suspect him of being your husban's dealer that could spell danger for you when things get out of hand. The last thing you need is a hit man running after your husdand's friend, you know what I mean? Just be carefull and don't let them control your household. Well anyway sorry to hear about your sistuation and I hope he finds the help he needs.

    Travis

     
    Old 04-14-2005, 03:38 AM   #3
    valleygurl
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    Re: Found A Pill Case

    scared wife, I am so sorry for your hurt and pain. Just know that i am sending many hugs your way!!!!! However, finding the pills really isnt a surprise to me. Addiction is a very hard thing to beat. Look at the many of us here that quit just to start right back up again.

    Now without seeing the pills, but from your description of them and my experience.....the blue pill you spoke of is most likely hydrocodone (vicodin,lortab,lorcet,norco) you get the idea, right? The second pill you described i am not sure right off hand. But the third pill.......most definately sounds like an oxycontin.

    Maybe someone else on here might have a different opinion, but i am speaking of my experience and the pills i have seen and am familiar with. I would write more but i have to get the kiddos up and ready for school! Good Lord.....here we go....the day starts once again!

    Love, Valley

     
    Old 04-14-2005, 04:37 AM   #4
    lisaaahubb
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    Re: Found A Pill Case

    Oh my gosh, Scared Wife.....this is why this dam disease is so dam baffling...
    The pills i am pretty sure are valium, ,maybe vicodin- i know the larger strength come in blue.....
    The last pill you described is definitely OXY.......
    Well, if he is still using, you know what you need to do. As much as it hurts you to walk away again, you gotta do it for your own sake. When he uses, he takes too much out on you, you can't keep up with that.
    I hate to say this, but you are too dam good for him, and he isn't ready to QUIT pills......he isn't going to stop until HE HAS HAD ENOUGH OF THE MADNESS. No matter what you or anyone else says to him, it just won't sink in until HE IS DONE with pills.
    I feel so dam bad for you, i wish i could meet you for lunch, give you a big hug and we could eat and shop our sorrows away....LOL LOL
    Hang in there, what are your plans from here.....i will try to look up those pills for you if you can find that paper that you wrote the info down on that would really help.
    I just have a real bad feeling he is back to his old tricks again.
    Make a new plan, and stick to it, no matter what he says or does, hey i would **** test him today....he claims you can do it ANYTIME, right??? Now is the time girl. I bet he would freak out and not do it....
    Hang in there, i am here for you, and so can relate to the way he treats you. You are too good for him, although i know how much you care about him. The drugs change us addicts, and not in a good way. And, as you can see, it affects everyone around them as well.
    Stay strong, are you going to confront him???? Pee-test???? Let me know.
    I am here for you....
    Love,
    LISA

     
    Old 04-14-2005, 08:07 AM   #5
    whatswrongwme
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    Re: Found A Pill Case

    Scared Wife,

    We are both walking on the same road. It's funny, but when I read your post I am horrified at the way he is treating you, yet I am going through the exact same thing! I am probably not the best person to receive advice from, but I want you to know that I am currently going through the EXACT SAME SITUATION. And I am thinking of you. I am hoping to go to my first Al-anon meeting on Friday, so maybe then I will have some wisdom to pass on from the meeting.

    Please post back.

    P.S. In a weird similarity, my husband's Valentine's Day gifts are still sitting in his office. He said that he wanted to wait until "the gift that he ordered for me came in". I guess it got lost in the mail.....

     
    Old 04-14-2005, 08:16 AM   #6
    Scared Wife
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    Re: Found A Pill Case

    Hi Again,

    What would I do without all of you? You are all such a wonderful support system for me. I can't thank each & every one of you enough. I really appreciate all of you helping me figure out what these pills could be. I know I can always rely on you for truthful assessments.

    Travis, at the present time my husband is living in his parents' house while they are in FL - and I've been at my mom's since last May due to the verbal/mental abuse I was enduring. So this 'friend' of my husband's poses no direct threat to me. However, the house is in a private community and I can only begin to wonder what the neighbors are thinking when they see this guy slinking in & out of the house after dark with his trash bag full of belongings. Especially, after the neighbors have found me sitting outside on the steps waiting for my husband to get in from work on more than one occasion - usually with a box of chicken for dinner. A few weeks back, the one couple next door spent quite a bit of time talking with me and mentioned how happy they were to see that my husband & I were spending time together, that they were sorry to hear we were having troubles and were keeping our fingers crossed for us. I'm sure they wondered, though, why I didn't have a key or why a door wasn't left unlocked for me, etc. Yet here's this guy wandering in & out. Based on our conversation, it seemed to me that they'd figured out that something about my husband was the primary source of our problems. That came as a surprise to me because I thought for sure I'd earned the reputation of the 'bad guy' and here these people were nothing but warm and friendly towards me. Your concern about this guy bringing trouble is one of the things that caused problems between my husband and me when we did live together. I was finding out that people with terrible reputations were coming & going from our condo - always while I was at work. I'd mentioned concerns of someone stealing from us, etc. It finally got to the point where I expected the police to come crashing through our door at any point in time for something my husband may have been directly or indirectly involved in. I was told I was ridiculous & paranoid.

    Thank you Valleygurl & Lisa for the much needed hugs. I send oodles of hugs back to both of you as well. I am so hurt because it seems as though my gifts & efforts were anything but appreciated. And that after traveling to him to spend time with him on his 'special day', I got to sit there only to watch him sleep...until his friend came in. What a stab in the heart. It felt like such a slap in the face to me.

    He wants to celebrate our b-days this weekend. I just may show up with a last minute additional gift for him...the drug test. I wonder if his 'friend' asked him about the unopened presents that were sitting there? And, if he DOES call me (any minute now) about me traveling yet again to his job site to meet for lunch, I'm not going. I can't afford to be wasting my gas anymore. For the past week every time I've driven to see him, he nods off by 8 or 9 pm. A drastic change from the previous weeks of insomnia, which made me wonder if he was using something again. I left work early Monday to take him to the dentist, was blown off on Tuesday and then there was last night. I'm getting to worn out from these games he plays.

    Valleygurl, you said to look at the many of you who have quit and started using again. I have a deep respect for each & every one of you, believe me. The compassion I feel for what all of you endure can't even be put into words. My deepest respect is due to the fact that all of you can admit you have a problem and that you do try hard to beat it. My husband has not admitted to snorting the pills...yet mentioned his severe runny nose & sneezing, which I've learned here is a side effect of snorting. A co-worker said it almost sounds like he mentions these withdrawals & side effects to see if I comment on them...to test my knowledge...and she felt that I should mention what I know in a nonconfrontational fashion, "Yes, I read where people who've snorted oxycontin and quit had that same type of problem..."

    I do not intend to see him tonight. I'm going to mow the yard - it's good therapy for me. At some point, I am going to confront him AND test him. He's more concerned with his buddies anyway, so I doubt I'll be missed.

    Thanks again for the heads up on the pills. I guess I already knew in my heart they weren't the 'allergy' pills he 'thought' they might be. Please help me keep my head on straight once again. I, too, wish we could get together for a nice lunch or dinner and just yak the night away. I'm too broke to 'shop'! lol Love you guys! Please right soon.

    Luv,
    Scared Wife

     
    Old 04-14-2005, 08:37 AM   #7
    whatswrongwme
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    Re: Found A Pill Case

    I just wanted to let you know that I also understand the sleeping thing, until a "friend" needs something. It's like they don't want to let their friends down, but to hell with you.

    Again, I can only give you my support, thoughts and prayers. I also mow the lawn for therapy, well and also because my husband doesn't do it, however, I am jealous because since the pregnancy, my doctor won't let me. I had to hire a kid to do it. But I love doing yard work! I will let you know about the Al-anon meeting if I am able to go.

     
    Old 04-14-2005, 09:17 AM   #8
    Scared Wife
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    Re: Found A Pill Case

    Hi Whatswrongwme,

    Thank you for your notes. I'm sorry to hear that we have so much in common. I guess it's not supposed to irritate us at all to see our husbands go above & beyond the call of duty for a friend but, like you said, to hell with us. I probably wouldn't even be as offended as I am if this were actually what I would describe as a 'good, true friend'. These people turn up sporadically after years of no contact - and always with a 'need' that surpasses anything that any of my friends would even dream of asking for.

    This 'friend' turned up like a bad penny out of the blue last March...in need of a ride to KY to salvage his belongings from his apartment that HE abandoned. The landlord was threatening to pitch everything...all because when his other friend went with him on a cruise, instead of going home from Louisiana, he took a detour here to OH and then found himself stranded here. In the meantime, I'm the only one pulling in a paycheck & keeping our bills paid while my husband sits on his duff in his underwear playing video games all day...and I'm supposed to feel sympathy & compassion towards this knucklehead. Yeah, sure. Especially after learning that he took his $30,000 inheritance and squandered it on ATV's, guitars & some internet business with other 'friends' of his who scammed him out of his money. The moron handed these people all of his money to be a partner in their 'business' without any signed paperwork/agreements. So you can imagine how I steamed when my husband accused ME of making bad financial decisions. Believe me, I never did anything THAT incompetent - quite the opposite actually. I guess that doesn't qualify me for 'respect' though, at least not on the level his friend gets respect.

    Apparently, this same friend has made huge inroads in bettering himself during the last year. He once again has turned up in OH penniless, jobless & without a car and sleeps on the floor of some old rundown barbershop. So since he's a good friend, my husband HAS to help the guy out. Never mind me or anything I may be struggling with...like the huge credit card balances I incurred from our wedding expenses that he left me to pay and now the legal fees for a dissolution. I've never asked my husband for anything yet I show up with b-day gifts for him, and I get shoved off to the side for this guy who's always looking for a hand-out. Nice, real nice.

    By the way, my husband remarked that he was late for work yesterday. In later conversation, he mentioned that he was up until midnight the night before talking to his friend. Two observations on my end...a) this is only his third week on the job and already he's tardy and b) amazing how he was able to keep his eyes open that long...because over the weekend he couldn't seem to stay awake past 9pm. I guess that shouldn't affect my feelings in any way either.

    He never did call me about lunch today as he said he would. It's probably for the best that he didn't call anyway. I had no intention of going if he did call. I guess he must've gotten sidetracked or busy at work. Or maybe his phone's giving him trouble again. Maybe he ran late again this morning after another evening of late-night reminescing with his friend and decided to work through lunch to make up the time.

    Well, let me know how your meeting goes. I need to get off of my duff and find a meeting near me. Too bad you don't live next door to me. With all the therapy I need these days, I'd be more than happy to mow your lawn for you & save you a few bucks. Again, I'm sorry to hear that we have so many similarities with our husbands. Interesting about the Valentine's gifts, too. Maybe my husband has a brother I never knew about? Take care and write to me again real soon.

    Luv,
    Scared Wife

     
    Old 04-14-2005, 11:01 AM   #9
    DCV
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    Re: Found A Pill Case

    I concur, the first pill could be valium, the second set are probably some kind of pain pill, the third sounds 99.9% like an oxycontin pill to me.

    Sorry, but your hubby is still using. Time for the next step, whatever that is.....

    Has he lost his sex drive?

    Oops, I posted this without reading on to the second page of the thread, but I'll leave it in case it might offer you anything you could use.

    Let us know how the test turns out too.

    I know, its such a downer to be going through this. I can identify with your husband though, because I was doing the same thing to my wife. I absolutely hated my own guts for it but I was powerless to beat it on my own. It has taken me a year to get where I am now, and maybe will be another year before I'm off suboxone, but my sex drive is back, my appetite is back, I now put my family first instead of my addiction. I guess what happens is a 50/50 proposition. Do you want to live the next year to two or three doubting him? Checking up on him all the time? Digging for the truth? Nagging him untill you get the truth? And will he admit his problem and choose you over the pills? Does he want to be the man he once was? Does he want to grow old with you? I'll bet that he does, so, hang in there, confront him for sure! And talk about what you can do together to get yourselves on the right path.

    Sending you the power.....

    Last edited by moderator2; 04-14-2005 at 07:16 PM. Reason: please do not post search instructions to find websites

     
    Old 04-14-2005, 11:26 AM   #10
    Scared Wife
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    Re: Found A Pill Case

    Hi DCV,

    Thank you so much for your input. I will try the search you mention. Sure hope I can find the piece of paper I made a note of the pill numbers on. So from what all of you are saying, the little pill that looks like a smaller version of an advil is probably an oxycontin? If so, what dosage? I know the 80 mg pills he used to have were blue in color.

    Yes, he has lost his sex drive in the past 2-3 weeks. He has been too exhausted to be much company to me of any sort. For awhile there, he was Mr. Romance...big time. Like we should have been back when we were newlyweds. Now we're back to the same hum-drum life again in front of the tube when we see each other and for the past week or so, he's out like a light quite early. Even on the weekends. This past Friday though he seemed real talkative for some reason until about 1am, which surprised me (& also made me suspicious that he may be using again) since he had to be up at 5am the next morning for work. Of course, on Saturday night we went out to dinner and he was out shortly after we got in at around 8:30. We started to watch a rented movie and I don't think he lasted 30 minutes into it.

    The next step for me? Well, I cannot help but feel angry towards him for the reception I was given when I showed up with his b-day gifts & his obvious lack of appreciation for them. And for the lies he told in the past & last night either. (He said he must've missed my 2 calls the night before because he was on the phone with his friend...yet when his friend walked in while he was sleeping, he mentioned that he'd stayed there the night before. Apparently my calls went unanswered deliberately.) If I spend time with him over the weekend, I intend to discuss my observations & concerns and will have a drug screen for him as well.

    I just don't understand him anymore. Or what he wants out of life or from me. All of the paperwork is signed and ready to go to proceed with a dissolution except for his financial data form. So he is holding the process up and I don't understand why. My attorney cannot file the paperwork with the court without his information and he knows that. I don't know if it's laziness or if he's just stalling things. If he is stalling things, I guess I don't understand why. It's almost like he doesn't know what he wants - or lacks the ambition to make it happen. No wonder I woke up with a headache this morning.

    I'll try to look up the pills on the internet to see what I can find. Thank you again for your advice. I agree with you wholeheartedly that he is using again.

    Take care,
    Scared Wife

     
    Old 04-14-2005, 11:40 AM   #11
    DCV
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    Re: Found A Pill Case

    Excuse my ignorence, but is a dissolution a divorce? If so, they say life is a toilet bowl, and you should just flush it and move on.

     
    Old 04-14-2005, 12:17 PM   #12
    Scared Wife
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    Re: Found A Pill Case

    Hi DCV,

    No need to apologize. Yes, a dissolution is a less expensive and simplified version of a divorce. As long as both parties agree on everything, there's no haggling, no division of property, etc. Based on what you know of my situation, do you have any idea as to why my husband would be holding this up?

    He felt that we should do this and go back to dating. I had no problem doing that because a part of me thinks it would disentangle me from any legal/financial problems he may be having that I could possibly find myself caught up in, especially ones I may not even be aware of. I looked at it as a chance to start completely over from scratch. The other part of me didn't want this because it does seem to go against the marriage vows we both spoke. After a great deal of thinking, I just felt it best to agree to the dissolution. If things didn't work out for us, it would be less complicated to part from each other. So part of me feels guilty about the dissolution and the other part of me feels relief. Yet now he seems to be holding things up. I can't understand that because with the 3 weeks of insomnia, there were plenty of nights he could've completed the form. It's almost like he is intentionally hanging back on the form.

    You mentioned how you hated your own guts for doing things like this. I found that statement interesting because on more than one occasion during his tantrums, my husband would glare at me and yell, "I hate my life!! I hate what I've become!!" At that time I wasn't aware of his oxy problem and he seemed to be blaming the way he felt on me.

    But DCV, it sounds like something made you turn down a different road. I'm not sure what that was, but I am proud of you for doing it. I have no doubt that it's been a long road for you, but I envy you AND your wife so much because you are giving it the effort. I've been trying to keep an open heart and an open mind, remaining compassionate all the while. I just feel like it gets me somewhere with my husband for a short period of time and then it suddenly & mysteriously seems to disintegrate right in front of my face. Keep up the wonderful work and PLEASE keep helping me with your advice & input. It helps talking to people who've been there, you know?

    Take care,
    Scared Wife

    Thanks,
    Scared Wife

     
    Old 04-14-2005, 08:15 PM   #13
    marich101
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    Re: Found A Pill Case

    Having trouble posting, trying to see if its my computer

     
    Old 04-15-2005, 04:10 AM   #14
    goddessgrl65
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    Re: Found A Pill Case

    Hi Scared wife..
    I was reading this thread-and its so sad-to hear how hard you try to come across to your husband-w/ love..and grace..and hes just totally caught up in his addiction-he is lost right now..
    What about rehab for him?
    Would he go?
    You know i have alot of empathy for addicts-cos i am one..and i know-that feeling of being stuck-there seems like there is no way out.
    But it just seems like his incessant lying to you..is creating that wedge..i know you are trying so hard to make it work..
    He wants a dissoulution???
    Maybe-you should give it to him..would you be able to get your share of property etc?I don't mean to be weird-i was just thinking that if he is willing to let the marraige go-..i don't know.
    I don't want to say anything hurtful-or out of place..
    You seem so understanding-and loving..bringing dinner-trying to connect-etc..Did you talk to him about suboxone-or any alternative treatments/therapies?
    He may have relapsed due to the 3 week bout of insomnia-you know that feeling of "no sleep"-x 3 weeks=relapse.
    Hes not the only one..ive done the same-you feel like you are going crazy..
    But i think if he could be honest w/ you-do you get angry when he relapses.. that he feels like he can't tell you.
    Sorry for all the questions-i really just would like to be helpful to you..
    Hang in there hon-i know you are hurting inside..
    ggrl

     
    Old 04-15-2005, 05:26 AM   #15
    Scared Wife
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    Re: Found A Pill Case

    Hi Goddessgrl,

    As far as rehab goes, my husband would tell you that his problem isn't like that. The reason he got addicted to oxy, according to him, is being blamed on the dr. who prescribed them. He went on this big, long tirade about how this dr.'s running a pill mill and should have warned him about the high rate of problems with people becoming addicted and going through severe withdrawals. So his addiction problem is not because of anything HE did. If he didn't get upset over the mention of rehab, which I feel he would, he would come up with every type of excuse imagineable: can't afford it, have to work, I can do this on my own...

    Yes, his continual lying is causing a wedge. Don't get me wrong...I do still love him and care about him & I realize he is sick. What puzzles me is that he must've done a much better job in the past. Just last night I talked with my friend and mentioned how 'sloppy' his lying seems to have gotten lately. She felt he may be trying to get me to confront him. Another friend mentioned that he could be testing me to see how knowledgeable I've become, after telling her how I learned here on this board that the sneezing & runny nose he experienced was from snorting the oxy. I'd asked her, "Why would he chance telling me about those symptoms? Isn't he afraid of me putting two & two together?" This friend suggested that next time he mentions it to say, "Really? I did read somewhere that this often happens to people who stop snorting oxy..." A nonconfrontation way, you know? What do all of you think? He'd been so volatile in the past that up until now, I was always very reluctant to take that big chance but I think I'd feel safe doing it now. However, with this 'friend' of his hovering around, it's hard to say when I will get the opportunity.

    Six weeks ago, it was 'imperative' according to him that we do something in the way of a dissolution because of all of his unpaid debts...he did not want me to be affected by them in any way. That was the reason he gave. I coughed up the $670 to pay my attorney & had papers drawn up. Everything is signed and in my attorney's hands - except his financial info which is required before she can file the paperwork with the court. So I am again clueless about this...he requested it, made it seem extremely urgent and now the matter just hangs...because of him. I don't know if it's laziness (which makes no sense because you'd have thought that with 3 weeks of insomnia, that would've been a good way to spend all those non-sleeping hours) or if it's because he's intentionally holding it up because he maybe doesn't know what he wants. Supposedly though, it was all about 'protecting' me. If he truly wanted this dissolution (by the way, we've agreed that we each keep our own property), he sure isn't acting like it with the hold up in the paperwork.

    He's been literally destitute for the past 5 months. I've offered a bit of help here & there, which he always declined...probably due to guilt or his pride - or both. Now, before he even collects paycheck #2 from his job, he's taken on another mouth to feed but offers me nothing whatsoever. Nor does he even ask if I need anything. He knows all of the wedding & honeymoon expenses were charged to my credit cards. He knows my savings account was depleted keeping a roof over our heads. I don't understand - and it hurts to hear that this guy qualifies for assistance because he'd allowed my husband to stay with him for awhile - 15 years ago. I qualify for absolutely nothing.

    Never have I gotten angry with him to the point where he had to fear being honest about something like this with me. Ever. In fact, if anyone ever had to fear being honest, it's been me. See, he spins great tales that do a great job of keeping a person like me off-track. First, when he was kicked out of the pain mgmt program, he was livid and said he'd done nothing wrong and was a 'victim'. Then they were calling to confirm appts for some odd reason. I later learned that what probably happened was that they tried to drug screen him the day he showed up, he probably refused and the end result was the discharge. They probably referred him to a rehab and were following up to see if he'd done that. He ignored the appts (supposedly)...which isn't something I'd do if I truly needed medical attention, know what I mean? The whole story's fishy and he certainly has his facts confused.

    On Jan. 21st, I received a call from the pain mgmt ctr at work. They'd been trying to reach him for several days and he wasn't returning their calls. I asked the woman to confirm the phone number she'd been calling and she read off his cell phone. I confirmed that number is correct and asked what home number she had. She had an old number from over 2 years ago. I explained that we were living apart but that he was staying at his parents' home and gave her that number. I told her that we'd talked the night before & he'd mentioned he had an appt there the next day (the day she called me).
    She again mentioned that she was puzzled that none of their phone calls were being returned over the two weeks prior. I didn't know what to say about that myself. When he showed up, that's when he was discharged.

    That night he blew up over the matter. Big time. He told me they'd been trying to call him on his parents' phone while he was in FL and the answering machine was full. The flaws in that claim? For one, he left for FL on Dec. 23rd and was home on Jan. 8th. Secondly, they did not have his parents' number in the file until I gave it to her on Jan. 21st. I never have clarified that with him. Recently when he spouted off about that incident, he claims he was in the pain mgmt center on Jan. 5th. Wrong again. He was in FL. That's how bad his mind is shot. I've noticed that his memory - both long-term and short-term, is terrible...almost non-existent.

    Never have I been confrontational with him to make him regret coming clean with me. I am a quiet personality and probably more compassionate & understanding that many women would be. I've seldom nagged him nor have I ever been accusing (again, I was always the accused liar undeserving of trust). Throughout this withdrawal process he went through, while I didn't play the doting mommy, I was there as much as I could be. I offered to take him to get medical attention and even got brave enough to post to Dr. Joel Nathan with him fully aware of it. I brought carry-out. I bought over-the-counter sleep aids. Pitched in with housekeeping & laundry for him. So I don't feel that I've done anything to make him reluctant to talk to me. I think the main problem with that is that he's not ready to be fully honest with himself just yet.

    So let me know if you think I have mishandled things here. If I'm guilty of anything, it's being naive. I'm sure it was easy for him to keep me in the dark about his addiction and now, of course, it's the fault of his dr.

    I thought I'd been pretty decent when it came to the dissolution - I've asked for NOTHING. I've been loving & supportive. Still I get treated with total disregard and very little appreciation. I helped with his employment search, even built his resume and cover letter for him. I've scheduled his dentist appt., left work early to take him to the appt on Monday and here already I'm being treated like the 'insignificant' other while he feeds his buddy steak dinners. I can only imagine what his parents' neighbors are thinking when they see this guy drifting in & out of the house so freely, yet they've seen me sitting on the curb waiting for my husband to come home from work - & often times I'm sitting there with a box of chicken or pizza on my lap.

    Well, post back when you can. I hope all of you are having a great day and have a terrific weekend. It sure felt good to be outside mowing the lawn after months of cold, snowy weather here!

    Luv,
    Scared Wife

     
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