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  • Need Advice Asap For Daughter In Withdrawl

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    Old 12-18-2005, 05:50 PM   #1
    MYSISSYGIRLS
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    Need Advice Asap For Daughter In Withdrawl

    My Daughter Is An Addict To Prescription Painkillers Vicodin,percocets,oxys. She Also Smokes Alot Of Pot And Was In Rehab Once For An Addiction For Ana,ecsasty,herion.they Only Kept Her 3 Days I Dont Believe It Was Long Enough.that Was About 2 Years Ago.slowly She Has Become Hooked Really Bad Again. I Have My 5 Year Old Granddaughter Because Children Services Removed Her From My Daughter Because Her Boyfriend Was Charged With Child Endangering And Domestic Violence. I Have Informed Children Services Of Her Drug Addiction But The Still Have Not Drug Tested Her And Have Not Totally Removed Custody Of My Granddaughter From Her Yet.the Problem I Have Now Is That Her Boyfriend Is In Jail,she Got Evicted From Her House,lost Her Car & Job (again),she Has No Money For Her Pills And Is Blaming Myself,her Stepdad And Her Older Brother And His Wife.she Has Moneyed Me To Death.she Asked Her Brother For 200$ Yesterday He Said No Because He Knew Was For Drugs But He Did Offer To Take Her To Eat And To Buy Her Daughter Mas Presents.she Refused And Today She Is So Sick With Chills Fever She Cant Even Take A Shower Because She Is Out Of Pills And Money.she Told Us That If Her Brother Would Have Give Her The Money She Wouldnt Be Sick But I Tried To Explain That If She Wasnt Sick Today It Would Be In Couple Days Because We Are Moneyed Out And Are Taking Care Of Our Grandaughter. Today She Is Staying At Our House And Has Been In Bed All Day And It Has Really Affected My Grandaughter That She Wont Pay Attention To Her And We Have Also Had To Deal With That.my Daughter Has Told Us All Off Today.she Wants Our Help We Tell Her We Cant Give Money And Says She Dont Want The Kind Of Help We Want To Give Her.i Love My Daughter Very Much.i Dont Know Where To Go From Here.what I Can Expect In The Coming Days As She Goes Further Into Withdrawls.she Is Only 23.she Was Taking Approx 7 Vicodin In Am Or Percocets Or Oxys And Then Having To Do It Again In The Afternoon.please If Any One Has Any Advice As To What I Can Do.can I Get Her Commited With Her Being Overage.i Really Dont Want My Granddaughter To See This.my Daughter Busted My Head Open The Last Time She Went Through This And I Had To Have Stitches That Was Over 2 Years Ago.so She Can Get Violent And That Scares Me But I Cant Turn My Back On Her And Put Her Out In The Cold.i Just Dont Know What To Do.my Nerves Are A Wreck Right Now.thanks In Advance For Any Help.
    Tami

     
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    Old 12-18-2005, 06:10 PM   #2
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    Re: Need Advice Asap For Daughter In Withdrawl

    Her withdrawls will be there worst within the first few days. Let her sleep and keep her comfortable. Right now she's going between being hot and cold. Cold sweats like a flu. She can even be throwing up. She needs to drink lots of water. If she's really commited to quitting she can get herself through this. She's just going to feel like crap for a few days. As for her daughter, all she needs to know is mommy has the flu and hopefully your daughter will not want to go back and withdrawl again. Remember the three C's....You can not cure it, you can not control it, and you did not cause it.
    Your son was on the right track with NOT enabling her. I know you feel for your grandchild but when your ready your going to have to quit enabling her too. I'm not saying put her on the streets but she's going to have to be responsible for her own actions. Maybe by her going to detox by her own will might wake her up. She's very young, lets hope she see's the light. God Bless.

     
    Old 12-18-2005, 06:13 PM   #3
    spark-o-cet
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    Re: Need Advice Asap For Daughter In Withdrawl

    let her jones it out and dont give her no money.she will lay there about 15days and then she will feel better.good luck and dont worry about her she wont die just feel like it-spark

     
    Old 12-18-2005, 06:23 PM   #4
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    Re: Need Advice Asap For Daughter In Withdrawl

    i had an addiction my mother turned her back on me threw me out into the street's your daughter isn't going to stop until she hit's rock bottom my rock bottom was jail and i do beleive my mother turned me in and no one came to visit im not saying to turn your back on her but if she is violent then there might no be much else you can do did the rehab she went to throw her out or did she sign her self out i really don't know if you can have her commited did you know that in order to get into rehab that you have to be high when you go there this doesn't make sense to me btu back to the subject here you can't keep her around if she is going to get mean and it also sound's like she is getting you sick think about your granddaughter she didn't choose to have a drug addicted mother but your daughter is choosing to be addicted im sorry if this is to straight forward but that is the way i am i have been clean for 13 years if i could do it so can your daughter i did it for my children and me does she relize what she look's like when she is on her drug binge's i know i looked like a troll it was really gross i would stay awake for 4 day's at a time you can not enable her and give her any kind of money no matter how sick she is you really need to cut the money pit off and i warn you she will steal from you to get what she need's

     
    Old 12-18-2005, 06:26 PM   #5
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    Re: Need Advice Asap For Daughter In Withdrawl

    Tami - sometimes the advice we get is hard to hear. Please remember that what we need to hear and what we want to hear is usually two different things.

    First and formost - you cannot fix your daughter. She will get clean for herself and herself only - and only when she is sick and tired of being sick and tired. Right now your first priority has to be to protect yourself and that child - period.

    I am speaking from the perspective of someone who has been addicted to prescription pain killers. Opiates are no easy thing to overcome and an addict will blame everyone and anyone else for their problem before they will see that it is of their own making. It is part of the addiction - you cannot see how sick you really are and you believe that if everyone else would just do what you ask then everything will be fine.

    I can tell you that your daughter must have consequences if she will ever feel as though she has reached the bottom she needs to get well. Right now it may seem like a bottom to you because she has lost her home and many other important "things" in her life. But she still has you and her daughter and her brother. She has a place to lay her head right now. She has someone to take care of her daughter. She has someone to blame and make feel guilty - and so far you have allowed it to continue.

    I know you don't want to throw her out in the cold. It would be very difficult to do that to your own child. But when I was 23 years old my parents did just that. Anything else would have enabled me to continue on my path to hell. I can see that now - I couldn't then. Everything was someone elses fault. They were the reason I was that way. I couldn't accept ownership for my own behavior. My parents put me out, took custody of my child and told me to sink or swim. I could not come home unless I completed a rehabilitation program, sot involved in a 12 step program and got my act together.

    I didn't do it immediately - I'll show them I'll hurt myself some more. Looking back - I might as well have said that because it is exactly what I set out to do. But I crashed and burned and all they could do was stand back and watch. If they had intervened and tried to save me I would have died and I firmly believe that.

    Trust me - as much as you want to mke her well - you cannot. She can do that for herself but only when she is ready. Right now in a way you are enabling her to stay the way she is. Even though you are "moneyed out" and you say you are done helping her because she only buys drugs - you are still enabling her by giving her options. She has someone to run to, someone to blame, someone to listen while she cries, someone to whine to, someone to still love her and make sure she is warm and dry.

    Your daughter is sick. Possibly you and her brother could have her involuntarily admitted somewhere. You might need to check with the police or the courts where you live. But even then there is no guarantee she will do anything to change her life. Like I siad - it would be best if she got so low that she made that decision on her own. But she won't get there with you and her family holding her up every time she falls. She will find a way to get more drugs - whether you give her money or not. If that is what she wants there is a way.

    For yourself I recommend Naranon or Alanon meetings. There you can learn the tools to help you stay strong and deal with her until she decides to get help. Right now that is all you can do. Take care of you and your grandchild. Your daughter must reach that desperation point on her own.

    I'm sorry but that is my best advice. I'm not saying I don't understand your instinct to care for her - but I am telling you straight from the perspective of someone who has been right where your daughter is right now. The best thing my family ever did for me was cut the apron strings completely. THe door was closed until I reached a bottom and did what I had to do to get my life back on track. Even then it took quite a while before I regained their trust.

    Best of luck and we will be here if you want to talk.

    Last edited by BeginAgain; 12-18-2005 at 06:30 PM.

     
    Old 12-18-2005, 06:28 PM   #6
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    Re: Need Advice Asap For Daughter In Withdrawl

    Also I wanted to add, if someone is really addicted be careful of your belonging because they will steal and pawn your things. They can lie right to your face. I know you want the best for her. Sounds like she's having a really hard time. Do what you can until you can't then your going to have to detach and let her realize things are bad. My mother goes through this with my brother and he's almost 50. Heroin and EVERYTHING you can think of. She still enables him and he steals everything from her. What does that make her look like? She's not doing anyone any good by doing that. Can you go to a nar-anon meeting? You might want to look in your phone book and find a meeting and check it out. They can really help you.

     
    Old 12-19-2005, 10:49 AM   #7
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    Re: Need Advice Asap For Daughter In Withdrawl

    my mom went throw the hell you are, and yes, if she wants it shewill find a way!!! my way was jail,,,i was sick as hell, god maybe has to bring us to the bottom till we can come back up , that or death, iam lucky, but when i did get out i did get on meth for a while, got my mind right then slowly got off, it takes time, clean now 6 yr.dont give up on her,for me the hardest thing was finding out why,, why did i need to get high????? god bless bothof you.

     
    Old 12-19-2005, 12:49 PM   #8
    vahunter
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    Re: Need Advice Asap For Daughter In Withdrawl

    I don't know your financial or insurance situation, but if possible you should get her into a professional detox environment as soon as you can. This isn't going to go away. The longer it goes untreated the more difficult it will be to stop. It can be done, but it sounds like you will need some help. I hope it works out well for all of you.

     
    Old 12-21-2005, 05:54 AM   #9
    MYSISSYGIRLS
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    Re: Need Advice Asap For Daughter In Withdrawl

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by 2ndtimeround
    Hi
    I was in the same spot as you. My daughter is 24 now. After 3 years, I realized what I was doing to 'help' her was not working and I had to try something different. I turned her in to the police. She was 20, it broke my heart but I realized that if I really loved my daughter I had to do what was right, not what she wanted. I wanted to protect her from being hurt, just like I did when she was a little girl. But I couldn't do that anymore...she was an adult now. I couldn't take away her pain, she had to go through it by herself. It was so hard for me. She was in rehab for 1 year and probation for 3 years. My only fault is for waiting so long to get the courage to call the police.
    Addicts always blame others for their pain. It is always someone elses fault. They are unable to take responsibility for their actions. You are 'dammed if you do and dammed if you don't' so you might as well be dammed for doing the right thing and letting her go through withdrawal. It's painful to watch, I know, but at least you will have broken the non-ending circle that she is caught up in now....money to get drugs to feel better always ends up needing more money to get more drugs to feel better....round and round.
    Stay strong and don't give in. Always let her know you are there for her and love her no matter what. But that does not mean contributing to her drug habit or protecting her from hurting. You are there to support her life, not her death.
    Believe it or not...she will thank you someday. My daughter did.
    this is exactly the life i am leading.my husband told her the other day exactly that she says she wants our help then tells us to leave her alone its her life.well she stayed at our house over the weekend then got back with her drug buddies and has called a couple times. her drug friend is going out of town for 2 weeks and i am dreading it so bad because she has no where else to stay and i refuse to give her a dime.so she will probably go into withdrawl again and what do i do the week before xmas and her 5 year old daughter is staying with us and its tearing her up.my daughter told me she has no intention of quitting the pills she said she just needs a job to get the drug money.well shes had 3 jobs in 3 months and told off all her employers for some reason or another.she does not want a job to help support her daughter but for the love of pills.everything you said i am living.i also have a 25 year old son who is very succesful who i am very close to him and his wife,a 17 year old son and a 10 year old of my own.she is affecting all of us.she is very upset with her older brother that he drives a nice vechicle ,owns his home and has money in savings.she feels hes responsible to help her and we just dont see it that way.my daughter is coming here today and i must say im dreading it because i know how she will be.
    thanks for all your advice.
    tami

    Last edited by MYSISSYGIRLS; 12-21-2005 at 06:01 AM. Reason: entered wrong

     
    Old 12-22-2005, 04:00 PM   #10
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    Re: Need Advice Asap For Daughter In Withdrawl

    if she gets into withdrawals, which she will without her drugs, she could go to the ER at the hospital. she has this choice, not you. all you can do is suggest it to her. i know it's hard to not let her live with you, or give her money, especially around the holidays. try to remember that letting a child go and make their own mistakes, without you or anyone else fixing them, will be hard for you no matter when it is. prolonging this is not going to help her, or the rest of your family. try as hard as you can to enjoy the positive people in your life right now. best of luck....bevann

     
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