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  • Ex husband, Alcohol, and Son.

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    Old 04-29-2006, 06:22 PM   #1
    cebo
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    Ex husband, Alcohol, and Son.

    What do I do?
    My ex husband and I have been divorced now for about 10 years and have always been supportive to each other.

    We have a 14 year old boy who has never given us any grief .
    My problem is that the ex drinks so much that now my son does not want to go to see him on the weekends.

    I knew he drank but had no idea it was so bad. My son says his father urinates on walls at night because he is so drunk that he thinks he is in the toilet. He literally goes stupid when hes drunk...biting the dogs legs...swearing..and even driving to get more beer, (thankfully my son has not been in the car).

    My Son cousin even ask him "does your dad always drink so much?"

    I have tried to talk to him, but he just changes the subject.
    I had talked to his parents who are wonderful people and I am close to them, they had no idea and where shocked but said they would talk to him.
    They rang and said they had (this was about two months ago) and that my ex would talk to my son about it. My son says he wont let him in certain room of the house, he thinks his dad is hidding beer in there.

    My son said that all he did was was pull him aside while he (son) had one of his friends over and said " I will just have a couple of beers when you are here and your mother seems to exaggerate when it comes to me".

    My question is do I let my son stay away from him or do I talk about it again to my ex?
    P.S.... two months ago I told him gently that his son doesn't want to come over if he drinks but nothing changed.

     
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    Old 04-29-2006, 06:45 PM   #2
    Njoylife
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    Re: Ex husband, Alcohol, and Son.

    Hi Cebo,
    I say let your son decide. He's 14 and if he doesn't want to be around a drunk father so be it. Would you want to be around someone that drunk and obnoxouis? I wouldn't subject my son to that behavior. Shame on the ex for putting the son thru that. He's not teaching the boy to be much of a man.

     
    Old 04-29-2006, 07:06 PM   #3
    cebo
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    Re: Ex husband, Alcohol, and Son.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Njoylife
    Hi Cebo,
    I say let your son decide. He's 14 and if he doesn't want to be around a drunk father so be it. Would you want to be around someone that drunk and obnoxouis? I wouldn't subject my son to that behavior. Shame on the ex for putting the son thru that. He's not teaching the boy to be much of a man.
    Thank you Njoylife, I am also worried about my son safety when the ex is drunk and should a 14 year old make the decision or should I? I feel so sorry for my son.

     
    Old 04-30-2006, 05:17 AM   #4
    Betrad
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    Re: Ex husband, Alcohol, and Son.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by cebo
    Thank you Njoylife, I am also worried about my son safety when the ex is drunk and should a 14 year old make the decision or should I? I feel so sorry for my son.

    It's a tough call. If you have visitation arrangements in place, his father is entitled to see him at those times. On the other hand, if your son doesn't want to be around him when he's drunk, he shuldn't be forced.

    You can always talk to your ex, tell him he needs help, and if he doesn't get it, you can go back to court and get your arrangements chnaged, contingent upon his drinking. That's a pain, and may open up some old wounds, but it may help your ex help himself. If he loves his boy more than booze, then he may stop. That's not to insinuate that he does love the booze more (bnecause he probably doesn't), but it could at least put him in a position where he questions himself about whether it's worth drinking and giving up time with his son.

     
    Old 04-30-2006, 07:42 AM   #5
    mpvt
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    Re: Ex husband, Alcohol, and Son.

    Your son is a minor and should not be subject to an alchoholic.Too much can happen when a man goes into an alchoholic blackout.I would keep your son home until he gets some help.It's not his decision he's a minor and your his parent,don't let him go over and wittness the sickness this man has,it's just not fair to either of them.....Dave

     
    Old 04-30-2006, 03:46 PM   #6
    cebo
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    Re: Ex husband, Alcohol, and Son.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by mpvt
    Your son is a minor and should not be subject to an alchoholic.Too much can happen when a man goes into an alchoholic blackout.I would keep your son home until he gets some help.It's not his decision he's a minor and your his parent,don't let him go over and wittness the sickness this man has,it's just not fair to either of them.....Dave
    Thanks Mptv, thats what I needed to hear, if something happened to my son or my son friends who sometimes stay over there on the weekends, I would never forgive myself (because I knew). My son doesn't seem angry with his father just thinks he's an idiot when he drinks and is sick of it.

    Thanks everyone.

     
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