It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Family & Friends of Addicts and Alcoholics Message Board

  • Boredom without Alcohol?

  • Post New Thread   Closed Thread
    Thread Tools Search this Thread
    Old 07-22-2006, 11:15 AM   #1
    Marirose
    Veteran
    (female)
     
    Join Date: Feb 2005
    Posts: 463
    Marirose HB User
    Boredom without Alcohol?

    Hi y'all - Hoping someone can give me some help with my brother. He is 41, been drinking since 18 or so. Over the last year or so, he has cut his drinking down immensely, from crazy type drinking to a maximum of 3 drinks a night. He never drinks during the day, but says the last issue he has about giving up drinking totally is that he is bored stiff when he doesn't drink in the evening. He and his two kids live with me & my family, and he is helping around the house, with the kids and the farm we live on in the evenings, but he says it is an "emotional" boredom. Nothing seems as lively, funny or as interesting sober as it does after a few drinks. He also says he can't sleep without the drinking.

    We all know he has a problem, him included. My question is, has anyone else ever felt this way? and how long did it take you to get past it (I think it means facing life head-on and this has never been easy for my brother) and get back to regular living?

    We live in the boondocks, 25 miles to the nearest town, and I can't imagine there's an AA group anywhere near by, but will look into it. Has anyone had any success with online AA groups? Any you could recommend?

    Thanks for the help. God bless you all as you recover & help friends and family, Marirose

     
    Sponsors Lightbulb
       
    Old 07-22-2006, 12:18 PM   #2
    Marirose
    Veteran
    (female)
     
    Join Date: Feb 2005
    Posts: 463
    Marirose HB User
    Re: Boredom without Alcohol?

    Dear B - Thanks so much for the response. I will check out smart recovery right away. My brother just told me last nite that he feels that he has hit rock bottom with the drinking and is going to try to get sober - so this is "day one" for him I guess.It's been a long ride to here - my husband and I have had custody of his kids from time to time (their mom is out of the picture due to addictions), he has wrecked his car, lost his license, lost his job, etc. So I am totally hearing you on the he has to want to quit point of view. I am looking for any support that I can get to help him keep his resolve. He has a lot of shame b/c of his past, for example his kids call my kids their "brothers" and they call my husband "Uncle Dad" b/c he has taken much more care of them than my brother up until now, so I doubt my brother will be able to open up here, or anywhere else right away, so I am going to try to help him by getting all the info. I can to support him. Thanks for your help - it means alot - Good luck with your own continued recovery - Marirose

     
    Old 07-23-2006, 01:43 PM   #3
    Marirose
    Veteran
    (female)
     
    Join Date: Feb 2005
    Posts: 463
    Marirose HB User
    Re: Boredom without Alcohol?

    Somebody please tell me what to do!! Yesterday was another one of my brother's "day one"s that ended with him drinking!!!! I have heard the "today's the day I am going to quit" line so many times, I think I am going to scream! I finally threw out all the alcohol in the house this morning (my husband is not going to be too thrilled when he comes in from the barn and finds his beer fridge empty, but oh well), and I haven't decided what to do next. If I kick my brother out, he may take his preschool age kids with him, which I feel would be a disaster, since he has no money, no job, no car and is still drinking, but if he leaves them here...well, then they are abandoned by their parents AGAIN. And if he stays here...honestly, I am just sick and tired of listening to him talk on and on about how alcohol is making him tired, wrecking his life, wrecking his health, and then he just keeps on drinking! I know if it was easy to stop he would...it just goes around and around and around....Tough love, esp. with the kids involved, is SO HARD. Not as hard as stopping drinking, I'm sure, and reading back over this post, I see that I sound like a whiner, so thanks for letting me vent. If anyone could possibly come up with some advice to offer after reading this rambling post, I sure would appreciate it! God bless you all, Marirose

     
    Old 07-23-2006, 01:55 PM   #4
    ozzybug
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    Join Date: Jun 2006
    Location: USA
    Posts: 1,624
    ozzybug HB Userozzybug HB Userozzybug HB Userozzybug HB User
    Re: Boredom without Alcohol?

    M-
    You don't sound like a whiner at all. You are concerned and also sick and tired of watching your brother drink his life away. You are tired of the "today is the day I'm going to quit" knowing that to your brother, today is just another day to have another round of drinks.

    This is YOUR house sweetie. He doesn't work, he has no money and in all actuallity, even though he hasn't physically abandoned his children, he is abandoning them emotionally. It's not a good situation. If he is an alcoholic, it's not healthy for those children. And, as stated earlier, if he doesn't want to quit, he won't. If he hasn't truly accepted that he is an alcoholic and wants to change, then he is going to continue to live under your roof and drink as much as he wants to. For an alocholic, or addict, simply cutting back doesn't cut the mustard. They have to quit totally. There is no in-between.

    Is your brother disabled an not able to work? I don't mean to pry, but if he is capable of getting a job and working, then it might be a good idea to put a fire under him and tell him no free rides. I know you said he helps around the farm, but is he helping a lot, or just here and there to keep up appearances?

    I know he's your brother, but it's your house, your rules sweetie. If you allow him to drink, then you are enabling him. I've had to issue that ultimatum before and it wasn't an easy thing to do, but, sometimes we have to do the "tough love" thing. Those children deserve a sober dad. You deserve to have a brother who appreciates your kindness. Also, if he has no job, no car and no money, then who is supporting his drinking?

    I wish you the very best in this difficult situation. I know it's not a pleasant thing to deal with.

    Lezlee

    Last edited by ozzybug; 07-24-2006 at 05:57 AM.

     
    Old 07-24-2006, 04:57 AM   #5
    Marirose
    Veteran
    (female)
     
    Join Date: Feb 2005
    Posts: 463
    Marirose HB User
    Re: Boredom without Alcohol?

    Dear Lezlee - Thank you for your kind and wise words! I never really thought of myself as an enabler because farming families, I think, tend to be a bit more communal by nature than other folk, and I grew up on a farm and married into a second, so this is all I know. I never thought of my husband and myself as "supporting" his drinking because he was sharing my husband's beer. But you know what, as soon as I read your post, I knew you were right and I got steamin' mad at my brother - and myself! I showed him this thread and let him read through the whole thing, and he went straight to bed without a word - OR A DRINK! So he did have one day sober! It's early morning out here, and my brother and my husband left at 5 am to help the neighbor with some work (neighbor's wife is fighting cancer), and this is the first time my brother has been up at the same time as my husband since he moved back in with us. I have been down this road way too many times to be convinced that this is a permanent change, but it sure is a step in the right direction for my brother, and a HUGE help to me. I want to thank you and Boiler Bob from the bottom of my heart for your responses. It's hard sometimes living in the country because you can get isolated, and I have six boys of my own, plus my brother's two children, so I don't have a lot of time to search for answers - thank you so much for helping me find some. I'll keep you posted on how things go - You will be blessed for your generosity, I'm sure - Marirose

     
    Old 07-24-2006, 05:35 AM   #6
    keepsgoin
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    Join Date: Nov 2005
    Location: USA
    Posts: 1,538
    keepsgoin HB User
    Re: Boredom without Alcohol?

    I know how you feel...that's exactly how my EX is...and he thinks that as long as he only drinks 2 or 3 drinks in the evening then he doesn't have a real problem. For my entire marriage(20+ years) he drank and I couldn't fight him so I joined him falling into the lie that it's only a couple drinks. After a while you don't know how to live without those evening drinks(it's boring without!). I really don't think that he's alone by any stretch of the imagination. I believe that many people drink a few drinks every evening and see it as no biggy. But it started to become a problem for us...a couple drinks eventually became 5 drinks or more. I could not convince him that there was any problem with this behavior and as long as he was drinking, so was I and I didn't want to live with drinking every day. This eventually led to the end of our marriage and still he's drinking probably more than even. I seldom ever drink anymore and am glad to get away from that habit. Your brother is lucky though that he can stop after a only a few drinks because usually the alcoholic drinks and drinks and drinks until they just pass out. His addiction sounds like it would be just a mental addiction and not a real physical addiction since he only drinks a few drinks. At least he won't have a seizure when he stops. I wonder if his drinking led to his divorce...I mean if drinking causes a marriage to end then it IS a problem whether he wants to admit it or not!!!!!!!! If "Brother" is reading...Good Luck and remember that alcohol doesn't make any problems go away...it only makes them worse!
    __________________
    I tells it likes a sees it
    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

     
    Old 07-24-2006, 05:51 AM   #7
    ozzybug
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    Join Date: Jun 2006
    Location: USA
    Posts: 1,624
    ozzybug HB Userozzybug HB Userozzybug HB Userozzybug HB User
    Re: Boredom without Alcohol?

    M-
    Thank you for taking my post in the spirit in which it was written. It's just that I've been there, and it's an awful situation. I know you want him to stop drinking, not as a punishment, but because you care about him, his children and your family. It was one of the hardest things I ever had to do when I confronted my husband about his drinking. I had to confront him about addiction to cocaine when we were dating as well.

    I totally understand helping family when they need the extra help. I was raised the same way- we stick together and help each other. I wasn't brought up in a farming community, but we were/are very communal when it comes to family helping family. But, you can only do so much in giving that help. The person who needs help has to be willing to help themselves too.

    I wish all of you the best of luck. I hope your brother was able to take the posts here in the spirit in which they were written as well. It's not a judgemental thing at all, it's just information from people who have been there, some struggling with an addiciton, and some dealing with a loved one who is addicted.

    Take Care, be strong, and if your brother truly wants to stop drinking and puts 100% effort into it, then he deserves the support of his friends and family. He can change.

    (((Hugs)))
    Lezlee

    Last edited by ozzybug; 07-24-2006 at 05:58 AM.

     
    Old 07-24-2006, 09:33 AM   #8
    Marirose
    Veteran
    (female)
     
    Join Date: Feb 2005
    Posts: 463
    Marirose HB User
    Re: Boredom without Alcohol?

    Hi y'all - Just a quick note b/c this is a busy time of day for me...but THANK YOU so much for your support. I think you are right, Keepsgoin, that my brother is lucky that he was able to cut down to drinking to a few drinks a day, and it is definitely an emotional addiction, but it does make him irritable and tired and it is a terrible example for his kids. Incidently, he was never married and the mother of his children is an addict herself (drugs & alcohol), so it is even more important that he give these children a sober parent. And I agree strongly with Lezlee, that an addict needs to stop, if you can live with a few drinks a day and stay strong and healthy, no problem, I guess. But my brother can't do that, so he's got to stop.

    Thanks again, Lezlee, for your great post. I don't know what my brother thought of it, b/c he hasn't said much to me yet today - he may be mad that I wrote here about him, or he may be ashamed to find out how I really see him, but too bad. Whatever it was, he'll get over it sooner or later. I am praying like crazy that he can really change, and I will take your advice, and limit my "help" to things that are really helping.

    I'll keep you posted and in my prayers, M

     
    Old 07-24-2006, 10:21 AM   #9
    mpvt
    Inactive
    (male)
     
    Join Date: Oct 2005
    Posts: 467
    mpvt HB User
    Re: Boredom without Alcohol?

    My dad is an alcoholic and was sober and a member of AA for 30 years.My mom passed away 12 years ago and since then my dad has tried to drink socially since.He's been in the hospital twice now beccause of alcohol induced depression.I brought him home here for a month and he seemed pretty good.He went back to his residence and at some point started to have a couple of drinks to help him sleep.So of course he has dropped out of the scene because he's embarrassed about it.He thinks he needs to be in a treatment centre so we've (my brother and sister) have got him on a waiting list.I told him it may take a couple of years to get in (no joke, that's a fact) and maybe he might want to try and make a few changes.No he say's "I'll just wait until I get into the treatment centre".So really what you do is throw up your hands and wait for him to either bottom out or he get's into treatment.I'm starting to think the treatment might not work because he's looking for everyone else to do everything for him like when he was in the hospital.I don't think he understands that a treatment centre is no hospital.Oh well,time will tell.As it will with your brother.Give him the tools to get sober,after that it's all up to him.He is showing some restraint which is always a good sign so don't give up all hope,I haven't....Dave

     
    Old 07-24-2006, 10:06 PM   #10
    britneysmommie
    Newbie
    (female)
     
    Join Date: Jul 2006
    Location: NJ
    Posts: 4
    britneysmommie HB User
    Re: Boredom without Alcohol?

    I agree w/ the other poster who said *THEY WILL QUIT, WHEN THEY ARE READY*
    My DH who has been clean for 2 years, mainly because of a severe ALCOHOL related STROKE. DH always said *NO ONE WILL TELL HIM TO STOP DRINKING*, well, someone did, the BIG guy, upstairs. My dh NEVER had intentions of stopping, said he drank to FEEL NORMAL. Funny thing though, after the strokem my husband never had the desire to drink. Thanks, GOD!!

    No really understands how alcohol can destroy the body. Seizures, strokes, and even cancer, yes, cancer,
    Hoping your brother FINDS THE WAY.
    __________________
    Amy from NEW JERSEY
    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

     
    Old 07-25-2006, 05:05 AM   #11
    Marirose
    Veteran
    (female)
     
    Join Date: Feb 2005
    Posts: 463
    Marirose HB User
    Re: Boredom without Alcohol?

    Hi y'all -thanks so much for all the good wishes....Dave, sorry to hear that you are in the same situation with your dad that I am in with my brother, I will be HOPING that it all works out for your family....thanks for reminding me of the power of hope. Britneysmommie, it's sad that your husband and you had to go through something as life threatening as a stroke to get him to stop drinking. Is he ok now? And you said he has no desire to drink! Thank God!

    Well, my brother didn't drink at all yesterday either, so that is two days in a row. He wouldn't talk about it at all - he was really miserable after dinner (the time he would ususally be drinking), so my husband took the kids outside, and I tried to talk to my brother, but he just shook his head and went to his room. ( I have to admit that I checked his room this morning after he left and there is no alcohol in it.) I hope he is just wrestling with this in his own head. Please keep us in your prayers if you are so inclined to pray, this post really seems to have at least turned a light on in his head - thanks for all the good words. God bless you, Mari

     
    Old 07-25-2006, 06:56 AM   #12
    ozzybug
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    Join Date: Jun 2006
    Location: USA
    Posts: 1,624
    ozzybug HB Userozzybug HB Userozzybug HB Userozzybug HB User
    Re: Boredom without Alcohol?

    Mari-
    Sweetie- I'm so glad your brother has not had a drink for the two days. I know it wasn't a pleasant thing to have to show him these posts, and probably even less pleasant for him to have to read them.

    You did the best thing. You provided an "intervention" and it sounds like it did at least get him thinking about it. The fact that he hasn't drank in two days means that maybe, after reading these posts, he is seeing "the light". I hope and pray that he will continue to stay sober and not drink.

    Having to confront an addict is a heartwrenching experience, but again, even though we may be angry and hurt over their addictions,we confront them out of love and concern more than anything. As I said before, we don't do it as a punishment.

    It might be a good idea to let your brother know you've noticed he hasn't had a drink for the past couple of days and that you are proud of him for doing this. Still be cautious, because it's only two days and he still has a long way to go, but when fighting an addiction, 2 days can seem like a lifetime, so it's good for them to know that you notice and respect the fact that they are making the effort. The support alone can take them far in their recovery efforts.

    I will continue to keep you guys in my thoughts and prayers. You did the right thing, and it may just save your brothers life.

    Lezlee

     
    Old 07-25-2006, 08:02 AM   #13
    britneysmommie
    Newbie
    (female)
     
    Join Date: Jul 2006
    Location: NJ
    Posts: 4
    britneysmommie HB User
    Re: Boredom without Alcohol?

    Mari,

    Your brither just has to take to ONE DAY AT A TIME. The first is the hardest.
    __________________
    Amy from NEW JERSEY
    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

     
    Old 07-25-2006, 09:12 AM   #14
    Marirose
    Veteran
    (female)
     
    Join Date: Feb 2005
    Posts: 463
    Marirose HB User
    Re: Boredom without Alcohol?

    Do you guys really think so? That the first day is the hardest? I want soooo bad for this to just "go away" for my brother. I know it is hard, I can see it in his face...I know he will have to work at it...but when I was watching my husband run around with the kids last night, I was thinking about how I hope for that for my brother, instead of laying around in front of the TV, drunk, and too exhausted to make an effort to be part of his own family. Thanks for all your support...I will cautiously try to compliment my brother when he comes in for dinner like you suggested Lezlee. Britneysmommie - your post made tears of happiness come to my eyes, to even think that this might be the beginning of the end of this struggle is too overwhelming to fully comprehend. Please, please keep the posts coming... you guys are my lifeline, and like Lezlee said, you may be helping to save my brother's life. THANK YOU! GOD BLESS, M

     
    Old 07-25-2006, 09:48 AM   #15
    Texanne
    Senior Member
    (female)
     
    Join Date: Apr 2006
    Location: Texas
    Posts: 248
    Texanne HB User
    Re: Boredom without Alcohol?

    Just a quick FYI to all of you: I have researched alcoholism and alcoholism in families quite a bit recently and I found some information that I found interesting. The theory is that many alcoholics have inherent deficiencies in certain vitamins, etc... Specifically mentioned is Niacin. Also, there is a certain chemical in the brain that requires Omega 3 fatty acids (fish oil supplements) that it seems many alcoholics don't make well on their own, and the deficiency can make them more vulnerable to alcoholism. If you get a chance, Google "niacin therapy and alcoholism" and then play around with Omega 3 and alcoholism. These are really cheap supplements that can only help the recovering alcoholic's health! At least it makes me feel like I'm doing something productive instead of nagging!

    Hang in there,

    Tex.

     
    Closed Thread

    Related Topics
    Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
    Boredom the Bipolar Curse of the gifted alwaysfifteen Bipolar Disorder 22 07-24-2013 11:29 AM
    Is my chronic boredom really depression? Soldat Depression 6 07-16-2008 02:37 PM
    boredom solutions pohtr Foot & Ankle Problems 4 12-22-2007 07:33 PM
    Chronic boredom Blue102 Mental Health 9 01-29-2007 11:02 AM
    Need Help With Boredom! Shilohaura Smoking Cessation 6 01-22-2004 04:41 PM




    Thread Tools Search this Thread
    Search this Thread:

    Advanced Search

    Posting Rules
    You may not post new threads
    You may not post replies
    You may not post attachments
    You may not edit your posts

    BB code is On
    Smilies are On
    [IMG] code is On
    HTML code is Off
    Trackbacks are Off
    Pingbacks are Off
    Refbacks are Off




    Sign Up Today!

    Ask our community of thousands of members your health questions, and learn from others experiences. Join the conversation!

    I want my free account

    All times are GMT -7. The time now is 01:46 PM.





    2019 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
    Do not copy or redistribute in any form!