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    Old 10-24-2006, 08:56 AM   #1
    maradam
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    My husband is using again....

    I am trying to stay sober and my husband just told me that I dont understand and that he does not want to live his life with headaches?!!! What and excuse. He says because I am getting clean off norcos I dont understand the methadone w/d's. I know my dad did it in JAIL!!!!!!!!!!!!! So I told him that I have to take the kids and leave. I cant believe he chose those PILLS over us??????????? He will probally never quit. We moved far away to get away from those things but I guess not far enough. I told him that he ripped my future out form under my feet and I am really ****** about that. I did it, why cant he? I am posting this because I want everyone to see the damage that these pills can do, and to think they are LEGAL????? I feel so bad for my daughter that it kills me inside, this is exactly what I had to go through as a child cause my dad was addicted to heroin. Now she is going to have to do the visits monitered of coarse, and it just isnt fair that he has control of my daughter having her daddy! I am sooooo angry right now and I cant believe this. Thanks for listening. by for now.
    mara

     
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    Old 10-24-2006, 09:19 AM   #2
    bkim
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    Re: My husband is using again....

    Hey Mara,

    Wow, It really is upsetting to hear what is going on with you right now. But you know what...You are staying strong and not using. That is the best thing you can give yourself and your daughter. You are no good to her doped up. As for you husband. Yes, as you know coming off any drug addiction is a b**c*. You have to really want to quit. If you want to quit, then you can do it. There are people on this board, including myself that were up to some pretty high doses. There is nothing wrong with looking out for yourself and your family. Hang in there. I hope your husband comes around.

    Tim

     
    Old 10-24-2006, 10:53 AM   #3
    maradam
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    Re: My husband is using again....

    Thanks so much Tim. I am lost right now. I have to deal with all this sober too. There is no turning back for me now. I just have to stay strong and not isolate myself like I tend to do. What kinda sucks is we are in a new city and I dont have my old friends to turn to. That is why I am on these so much. That is scary too, being in a new town. I will adjust it is just hard. I will stop rambling on and thanks again.

    mara

     
    Old 10-24-2006, 11:06 AM   #4
    bkim
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    Re: My husband is using again....

    Man, big hug for you right now. Ok, here is the guy in me, trying to solve all your problems...Just cant help myself-sorry. Why did you move to the new city to begin with? Is what you moved there for still there? If not, why not consider moving back to where your friends and true support group is? Have you talked to your friends about what is going on?
    It is hard to deal with such stressful things so early. If something starts to get me boiling, you know what I usually do now...I say to myself: f-it, f-it, and f-it again. I really dont have the temper that I used to have. If someone would cut me off in traffic, I was wishing I had a bazooka mounted on the top of my car. Now, I just pretty much laugh at the idiot. Why get mad at the things that I cannot control. I just try to put my energy and thoughts on the things I can control. know what I'm saying? prob confused you and everone else reading this post.

     
    Old 10-24-2006, 11:37 AM   #5
    maradam
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    Re: My husband is using again....

    No I get it. Pick your battles. Dont get worked up over petty things. We moved here to start a bigger and better business(we sold our old one) and we wanted a better school system for our kids. No, moving back is not an option. I think I need to stay and finish school (I almost have my AA degree) and finish and become a teacher like I have always dreamed of. I can run this business at home and still finish school and raise my kids at the same time. This was all in the plan we had!!! But the pills f-d it all up!!! We moved here to get away from the easy access to the pills. It is ALOT harder to just score some pills out here, which we like. I know I have to be a little more understanding and compassionate. I feel like if I dont try one more time to help him taper he will waste away and die!!!!!! That thought scares me more than anything cause I love him so much. He lost his dad to alcoholism and he died alone in mexico cause he burned EVERY bridge he built even ours! I dont want this for my husband, and I know he does not either. I think it really helps that I am not his enabler anymore. He knows I mean business and I am ready to kick him out the door. During all this, my babies have NO IDEA and I am keeping it that way. They think he went to work, and I would never put bad ideas about there father in there head. Ok I am rambling on again. Thanks for listening .

    mara

     
    Old 10-24-2006, 02:22 PM   #6
    kim4074
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    Re: My husband is using again....

    Boy I feel for you right now and I'm sorry for all your going through I'm not sticking up for you husband by any means but I have been on this board for a very long time. I know this isnt what you want me to say or that you want to read. From what I have seen is that stopping the meth is alot harder than the vic's norco or anything else. There was a person on here not long ago I wish I could remember his name I will look it up so you can see what he went through getting off it. He was in such pain and w/d's that he went and got heroin to stop them. I have seen this more than once with people who have had long time use with this drug. If he is not willing to get help with a plan or attend meetings than he does not want it bad enough. You really have to taper very slowly with this drug and I have heard its pure hell alot worse than what we felt coming off the pills. I agree with you for laying it on the line as its hard for you to work your butt off and suffer and you stop taking pills and he just cant do it. I can see were that would be frustrating and would be a huge temptation for you too. If you cant beat them join them. You have to stay strong and clean for your kid. He will have to decide how serious he is and get help with a taper and meetings and do whatever it takes bottom line. He has to want this more than anything. That is why relapse is so high cause the w/d's suck and its not like the flu where we know we have to let it run its course we know a pill would stop the feeling. So I dont blame you but I would research how hard this is too. Not saying that your not understanding either so please dont take it the wrong way. I will see if I can find that post for you.. Kim

     
    Old 10-24-2006, 02:38 PM   #7
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    Re: My husband is using again....

    Here is the post from cleski

    Fir the first time I have misjudged the power of an opiate. I am totally miserable. I am coming off 90mg of meth a day at a clinic, which is my first experience with methadone. Well, I am here to tell you that 40mg of hydro a day is not cutting it at all. Even though I weaned down to 17mg at the clinic, the hydro is not working on my symtoms. I planned my withdrawl, as most of us do, peerfectly. I am on disability and am also a stay home dad for my 3 kids under 5. Has anyine else had to go through this? How long does it take? It has been 6 days since my last dose of meth. I am currently taking 10mg vicodin/lortab 4 times daily and do not wish to abuse. Please help.

    Here is the other post:

    god my w/d is terrible. No sleep last night except for maybe 15 mins. I have to walk around. Can't sit still. Been in the shower 4 times. Wife finally woke up and gave me some catapress and 6 vicodin (I am coming off methadone...day 7 w/ hydro to help ease sympts).
    I wish I could cust off my arms and legs so I can sleep. Can that be done ? These and other questions burn deep inside me!

    Here is his last thread:
    As some of you know, I started posting here coming off methadone. I had been going to a meth clinic in DC, and it was just a bit too urban for me. (I had teeth!!!). So, I requested a taper and got a bottle of 120 10/500 hydrocodone. NOTHING! ZIP! NADA! The hydro had no effect. I was in terrible withdrawl. So, I got a refill of my ultram for my rheumatoid arthritis. BOOM...no more withdrawl. I ran out of Hydro 24 hours ago, taking upwards of 8 a day. It was definately real hydrocodone, but I got nothing out of it. No pain relief, no buzz, and no withdrawl. If it was legal I would have just returned them to the pharmacy for a refund. I think the methadone is closely related to ultram in it's chemical makup, and is why I responded as I did to it. However, I did go out and get some heroin before I got my ultram and it killed my withdrawl too, so I have no idea why the hydro left me high a dry. Anyway, I am comfortable enough now, and I intend to pursue methadone administration for pain in a pain clinic setting as opposed to a glorified jail setting. Having a 400 pound guy watch me pee in a cup was not my cup of tea, and whatr is in my pee is my business. Kaiser Permanente continues to "refer" me to various people who generally refer me back to whoever referred me there in the first place....no one wants to help me get pain free. So, I am putting out this plea: Someone here has to have a good doctor who will prescribe this father of three homeowner chronic pain suffering addict methadone so I can get my life back. I have a half built fence in the backyard that I have no energy to complete. Methadone just works for me and I am tired of my HMO..who got me addicited to opiods in the first place...passing the buck and trying to fush me down the clinical toilet

    Last edited by kim4074; 10-24-2006 at 02:41 PM.

     
    Old 10-24-2006, 03:32 PM   #8
    maradam
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    Re: My husband is using again....

    Kim,
    WOW, that was intense. All those symptoms that he listed were exactly what my hub said was happening to him. He did not sleep for 8 days. You really made me see the other side of this because that guy is just like my hub trying to take care of a family and trying to get off the meth c/t and it just does not work. I would probally DIE if my hub went and got heroin!!! I need to talk to his Dr. which he offered me to do but I was being stubborn and acted like I could care less. I need to make a REAL plan and put it in action. I have NO DESIRE to take methadone so the temptation wont be there but my father just died in prison over a 25 year heroin and methadone addiction and I have such anger when I see him on the methadone it makes me BOIL inside. I guess I have to understand that he is not my dad and he DOES want to get better, he hates the way he is. It is just hard to do. You are awesome and thank you for your help it means alot to me.
    mara

     
    Old 10-24-2006, 04:09 PM   #9
    kim4074
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    Re: My husband is using again....

    Your welcome sometimes it helps to hear it from someone else. I hope you do go talk to his Dr I understand your feeling with the methadone because of your father, my dad was an alcoholic and it was hell to watch he has been clean for 17yrs now so there is a plus side. Addiction is hell no matter what it is. Keep posting talk to you later. Kim

     
    Old 10-25-2006, 08:06 AM   #10
    maradam
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    Re: My husband is using again....

    That guys story had my jaw dropping. I am much more compassionate to the w/d's and I know he was not lying to me. We are going to work a taper plan and then sub. I am going to meet his dr today or tomorrow. Thanks for all your input and help. You are awesome. How is your friend on heroin?Have a good day Kim and talk to you later.

    mara

     
    Old 10-25-2006, 08:06 AM   #11
    maradam
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    Re: My husband is using again....

    That guys story had my jaw dropping. I am much more compassionate to the w/d's and I know he was not lying to me. We are going to work a taper plan and then sub. I am going to meet his dr today or tomorrow. Thanks for all your input and help. You are awesome. How is your friend on heroin?Have a good day Kim and talk to you later.

    mara

     
    Old 10-25-2006, 01:21 PM   #12
    kim4074
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    Re: My husband is using again....

    Well my heroin friend if you want to call him a friend anymore..... He got sent to jail because he used his dead grandmas credit card at the gas station. He would go up to cars if they were paying cash and take their cash for his heroin and put the gas on the credit card within 3-4mos he raked up almost 5000 dollars and he got arrested for that. He also forged checks from his parents and now his mom might be getting in alot of trouble for bounced checks people pressed charges on her. He was in jail for over a month with 100 bail and no one would get him out when he got out he swore he would never touch the devils drug and of course he is back on it he says hes not shooting it now. His dad had enough and had a mental break down and totalled his truck I think trying to kill himself. So he is now in a mental ward and refuses to see any of his family. His mom is now in the hospital very ill from all of this too. This drug is the devil I tell you what. Well at least you guys are putting a plan in action be careful though I have heard the sub has the same w/d effects after long periods of use so if it will be a short term use to get off the meth then go for it. I wish you luck and I know how hard this is to get off of. Kim

     
    Old 10-28-2006, 11:12 AM   #13
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    Re: My husband is using again....

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by maradam
    I am trying to stay sober and my husband just told me that I dont understand and that he does not want to live his life with headaches?!!! What and excuse. He says because I am getting clean off norcos I dont understand the methadone w/d's. I know my dad did it in JAIL!!!!!!!!!!!!! So I told him that I have to take the kids and leave. I cant believe he chose those PILLS over us??????????? He will probally never quit. We moved far away to get away from those things but I guess not far enough. I told him that he ripped my future out form under my feet and I am really ****** about that. I did it, why cant he? I am posting this because I want everyone to see the damage that these pills can do, and to think they are LEGAL????? I feel so bad for my daughter that it kills me inside, this is exactly what I had to go through as a child cause my dad was addicted to heroin. Now she is going to have to do the visits monitered of coarse, and it just isnt fair that he has control of my daughter having her daddy! I am sooooo angry right now and I cant believe this. Thanks for listening. by for now.
    mara

     
    Old 10-28-2006, 11:20 AM   #14
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    Post Re: My husband is using again....



    Please Maradam, don't give up. My husband has 18 years sobriety. The program works if you work it. I have a son who is using. Call your local church to see if there is a "Celebration Recovery." I went to my first meeting last week. The one I went to had a chemical and alcohol group, and two open forums. I felt so much better.

    You need to know that you are not alone. Jesus will get you through it if you ask him, but you will have to ask him. Please read the last verse of John 21. I believe what it says.

     
    Old 10-29-2006, 08:26 PM   #15
    maradam
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    Re: My husband is using again....

    Thanks for the words. He starts his suboxone on wednesday and he is determined to get off the opiates. I am just grateful that I have my 26 days and I can help him now. It was a nasty chapter in our book that we would like to put behind us. We have so many dreams and goals that we want to accomplish, and being in an opiate fog those dreams and goals just wont be met. It is time for us to grow up and the party is over!! We are 31 and 32 our twentys are gone and so are the party days!!! We have long road ahead but we are in the right direction and we also have eachother. I know he will do it and we will rediscover ourselves and our relationship which will make it exciting. Thanks and talk to ya soon.

    mara

     
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