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How to help my husband.............

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Old 10-28-2007, 09:56 PM   #1
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: St. Charles, Missouri
Posts: 327
loretta38 HB User
Question How to help my husband.............

Many years ago I was an addict to painkillers - pot - Lorazapam - Xanax - But I never drank - just did lots of smoking and popping pills. My husband and I were together then - and he partied with some of it too - but he also drank. Beer - DOC. I quit doing everything - cold turkey - no withdraw guidelines - didn't know how dangerous it was - but I survived. My husband stopped all of it too - except the drinking. He isn't your falling down - can't go to work the next day type person - in fact he is the CEO of a fortune 500 company.

The last two years - I have been asking him to stop - slow down - at least. I mean 28 beers in one night is too much. Am I wrong about that? So it has been an issue on and off - told him we may end this by divorce.

The other night - he came to me - crying - and told me that he needs help. He is sick of the drinking. He doesn't want to lose me - he knows it is a bad role model for our daughter - I told him I love him and will whatever he needs to get past it. Thing is - he doesn't want to go to AA - doesn't want to sit around with a bunch of "whiners" complaining about their lives. I told him that I can get infor - but I am not gonna start "telling him he can't drink" - because after a while - he will hate me. He told me he knows I dissaprove. Bet he still feels compelled to drink 20- 30 beers a night. He said he is scared - he doesn't know what to do. Cold turkey doesn't seem to work - he stops for 2-3 days - then has a couple beers - next night - a couple more - the back to the 20+ a night.

I am not knocking AA - I think it is wonderful to have a group of people that can relate to what your feeling. But my husband is very private about what he feels.

Sorry - so long I know - How do I help him? What can I do? Please help - when he was crying and hugging me - he felt so helpless - It is just so darn sad - he was there when I decided to stop - and it wasn't pretty.

Thanks guys - Hugs to all.................Loretta

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Old 10-29-2007, 01:29 AM   #2
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Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: tn
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brickz11 HB User
Re: How to help my husband.............

Sorry to hear of the severity of your current situation, it sounds like a tough one. I can imagine that being the CEO of company, especially one of that caliber(fortune 500), has got be extremely stressful. I am responding because I am alot like your husband, I own my that stress is I imagine extremely similiar, which is to say that I know it can be unbearable. I am also stubborn about the meetings and unfortunately have somewhat of the same opinion, unfortunatly. He probably has a hard time relateing to the alot of the folks in the meetings because his memory or thoughts of his addiction are not as tragic or depressing......YET that is. But I have realized that I MUST talk this thru, so these boards are my MEETINGS. I have committed myself to respond to whatever posts I can and be involved, I doubt that many who read this have the same opinion as I do about meetings, but everyone's story is different.

Does he have or go thru DT's when he quits, I am not sure but I would bet that at the quantity he is consuming that he would have to feel some sort of withdrawal, and alcohol withdrawal is extremely dangerous. Technically if he is consuming 30 beers a night then he is basically under the influence 24/7..since it takes about 3 hours(not sure exactly, not a doctor) for the body to metabolize the alcohol in a single beer. The big step for him, in my opinion is that he's gonna have to admit that he alone cannot change his situation. Which if he's anything like me, is gonna be extemely difficult. I went from drinking like your husband to taking pain meds, for me it gave me the same numb escape from all the stresses of everyday life but without the hangover. I think that if he would commit to not drinking for at least 3-5 days, it would give his body the time to completely metabolize all of the alcohol in his system. But if he's gonna experience DT's from his abstinence, then i would urge you guys to seek the advice of a professional, DT's are no joke medically. I would seriously urge you guys to talk with a medical professional.

Get him to post his situation on these forums, there are whole bunch of super folks that regularly read these forums and will do whatever they can to help. Without the these boards I really dont think I would be where I am today, I would most definately still be getting high. I wish you the best of luck and will do my best to keep up with your situation and give you guys what ever support I can. Sober feels a million times better than being the slave to something. Good luck.


Old 10-29-2007, 08:30 AM   #3
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: NY
Posts: 837
FullCircle08 HB User
Re: How to help my husband.............

Loretta --I think that Brick has a good point. Get your husband to come on hear and read all of our stories. I am a MANS MAN also and I had to leave my pride and macho crap at the door step a long time ago when I decided to battle addiciton. Get him a username and have him tell us his story and he will see soon that we can START to help him open up. Then the meetings will come following that. I quit using last summer for about 3 months, BUT I never went to a meeting. Thought I didnt need it or something and here I am again. Tapering off Hydro and still drinking (mild each night-still trying to figure that one out). Try us out. We are the first GREAT step in recovery.


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