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help - boyfriend is alcoholic/pain pill addict

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Old 02-10-2009, 10:59 AM   #1
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: st louis mo
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kitty80stl HB User
help - boyfriend is alcoholic/pain pill addict

Don't know where to start. My boyfriend of one year is an alcoholic and I'm sure is addicted to Vicodin. He has chronic pancreatitis because of his alcoholism and last week had a bad flare up, so couldn't eat or drink for a few days. He ended up having two alcohol withdrawal seizures Thursday night. First one when we were home alone. Second one while in the ER waiting room. He was admitted to the hospital on Thursday and treated for alcohol withdrawal. They released him Sunday afternoon. He was a little bit out of it while in the hospital, but mostly just tired and slept a lot. Since being released on Sunday, he has started acting really out of it. Putting his pants on backwards, not remembering what stores we went shopping to. His speak seems a little slurred and he is stumbling. But then he seems to come out of it and acts more normal. He finished taking his Librium RX yesterday, but he was also given an RX for percocet when discharged on Sunday. I talked to him yesterday about going back to the hospital but he refuses. I think he is taking too many Percocets. I spoke with his neurologist today who said that is probably the problem, but he recommended going back to the ER. I am at work right now and will speak with him tonight about it. Either he is taking too many percocets or there is something else wrong with him. I don't know how to handle this. He would not handle an ultimatum and I don't want to push him to do something stupid. I just can't take the stress and fear that something is going to happen again. Witnessing the seizures has scared the crap out of me and I need him to know it is the pills/alcohol or me. He is determined to quit drinking, but he is acting so strange on these pills. The doctor also said he could just be acting weird because of alcohol withdrawal. Neither of us live my our familys, so it is just me and him. I just want to be his friend. I don't care about the relationship anymore. I just don't know how to help him. I know it is not my responsibility, it is his decision. He was so hopeful and positive in the hospital, but since getting home, he is like a totally different person. Anyone have advice on how to take care of myself but not push him into doing something stupid? I've had no sleep for about a week and just really feel like I can't take this. But I want to be there for him.

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Old 02-10-2009, 12:12 PM   #2
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Location: NC
Posts: 838
emsmom HB User
Re: help - boyfriend is alcoholic/pain pill addict

Hello kitty,

Unfortunately, an ultimatum sounds like your only choice. You have to be firm with him, or he'll keep taking pills and drinking alcohol.

You said it's either the pills/alcohol or You - can you think of a supportive way to approach the subject?

In my opinion, you should sit down with him, tell him exactly how you feel and explain that you are also his friend and don't want to see him hurt himself anymore. The way you felt when he had a seizure - just think of that, it will help you stay firm.

You CAN be supportive and firm at the same time

Now, regarding his seizures, he HAS to have a doctor involved if he's going to detox off the alcohol - it's VERY dangerous to do this without medical supervision. Also, depending on how long and how many percocet/vicodin he's been taking, he may have to have medical supervision as well - perhaps a taper plan with a doctor would help.

I wish you lots of luck, stick around here, let us know how things go. There are some really wonderful people on this board with alot of knowledge so hopefully someone else will give some suggestions

I'll keep you in my prayers - Good luck.


Old 02-10-2009, 12:52 PM   #3
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Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: USA
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Secrets1983 HB User
Re: help - boyfriend is alcoholic/pain pill addict

Welcome Kitty,

I am sure this is the last place you would like to be but it's a good place to come because we are very supportive and only want to try and help!

Your situation is a tricky one!!!! A person can't be pushed into sobriety.. they have to want to do it on their own or they will relapse... It sounds as if he was very positive in the hospital in regards to his recovery... Why did they give him percocets? One of the things that concerns me is that he may be replacing one addiction for another right now.... Since he "can't" drink... he has been given pills that alter his feelings and that might seem comforting to him right now.... That is not good.. none of us with addictions can replace one addiction for another and consider us recovered. For some people, pills make them act weirdly... For most of us it was a euphoric feeling but I have heard of others that get very angry or agitated on them.... This putting pants on backwards I am not sure about.... If he was taking too many I would think he would be nauseous (sp) I don't know. Have a talk with him tonight and call him out on the pill situation and tell him you only want to help him and part of that is being honest with one another.

Good luck to you and please keep us posted.. I will be thinking about you and worrying!

You will be in my thoughts and prayers!

Old 02-16-2009, 09:07 AM   #4
Join Date: Feb 2009
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brwneyedgrl08 HB User
Re: help - boyfriend is alcoholic/pain pill addict

Well... you are definitely in a tough situation right now. It's good that you are willing to help him though, because he absolutely needs someone's support. Especially, like your saying that neither one of your families are close, so you are his support right now. I know it's an overwhelming situation to deal with, I personally went through a similar situation with a close girlfriend of mine, it was probably one of the toughest things I've ever had to deal with. She was addicted to oxycontin, and was also an alcoholic. Trying to help her was near impossible, until she had a seizure from the oxycontin and began to realize how serious this situation was. I tried to help her help herself, and I was unsuccessful, but what I was successful with was having her realize the severity of her problem, and she decided to go to rehab.. which may be the answer for your boyfriend. Her recovery went extremely well once she went to Recovery Connection Rehab Facility, I swear to this day that Recovery Connection was her savior.

Last edited by moderator2; 02-16-2009 at 09:54 AM. Reason: posted disallowed website(s)

Old 02-16-2009, 03:22 PM   #5
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Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Hawaii
Posts: 12
makai808 HB User
Re: help - boyfriend is alcoholic/pain pill addict

Having been in a relationship at one time with a former addict I just wanted to tell you not to take it personal if he doesn't choose you. What I mean is if he continues to use even if he knows he will lose you. Because I know that my ex loved me and now that he is clean would give his arm to get me back but at that time he wasn't thinking and i thought he chose the drugs over me and took it very personal. And now that I am going through my own issues with my narcotic addiction, I can see where he was coming from. I don't know what I would do if my husband told me to choose between him or my pain meds. I love him dearly but I am not strong enough to just stop. The only thing I can say is if he really wants to quit, and I think you will know pretty quick of that is the case, then to be patient and give him time to do it right and support him. If he really wants it he will work the program. If not, for your own sanity and health, you are better off thinking about separating to give him some time, at the very least to allow him to hit rock bottom. Because if he isn't ready to do it now, maybe losing you, if even temporarily, may get him to rock bottom and really that is a good thing to get him to because he will have nowhere else to go but up. Nothing you can say is going to get him there. best of luck, I know it is hard. Hang in there!

Old 02-16-2009, 07:24 PM   #6
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rosebuddy HB Userrosebuddy HB Userrosebuddy HB Userrosebuddy HB User
Re: help - boyfriend is alcoholic/pain pill addict

take care of your own needs. You have done all you can for him. al anon is a great program and you will learn so much that will help you. try a few different meetings to find the one that is best for you. Your life will change for the better whether you stay with him or not. It is just a beautiful way of living. I hope that you give it a try. (I have been having problems with my husband, and I am going to take my own advice and go to al anon too.) thanks for posting.

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