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How to discuss with husband?

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Old 09-30-2009, 08:22 AM   #1
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Jackson MO USA
Posts: 2
crochetmama HB User
How to discuss with husband?

This is my first post and my question is one that I hope someone has some advice on. I take hydrocodone/apap 7.5/325. I take around 6 a day and that is more than is prescribed. I panic at the end of the month. I am determined to start a taper program tomorrow. My question is, how do I tell my husband that ANY of this has been going on. He is aware obviously that I have had three back surgeries and was at the time give pain medicine for that condition but he has no clue that I am still on it, over a year later. I want to tell him. I want to explain why I am irritable. But I am so ashamed I just don't know how to start the conversation. Thanks in advance!

Last edited by mod-anon; 09-30-2009 at 11:55 PM. Reason: starting a new thread with this post.

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Old 10-01-2009, 11:40 PM   #2
Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Juneau, AK
Posts: 112
kewood HB User
Re: How to discuss with husband?

I think just gather your inner strength and be as honest as possible telling him that from your surgeries you have been taking pain medication and your tolerance was building and you began to take more and now you have reached a point where you can't stop taking them on your own and you need some help. I bet he will be there to help you. This isn't something you wished to happen. This is a brain disease and perhaps he can do some reading about addiction and dependence but as for the honesty part, you may just want to say you hadn't told him until now because you only recently realized what a big problem it has become and you didn't want him to worry about you. I hope he will be right along side you on your healing journey....take care,


Old 10-02-2009, 04:33 PM   #3
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: East Coast, US
Posts: 304
NotPerky HB User
Re: How to discuss with husband?

I don't have a husband here, but I did have to tell my son and my mother about my taper. They both knew I was taking pain meds for my back, but I had to explain why I was suddenly so completely miserable, irritable and basically incapacitated. I actually mentioned it to a couple friends too -- "getting off my pain meds due to stomach issues". I didn't go into a whole lot of detail about being hooked, or counting pills or any of the other sordid details. I just didn't feel they'd understand, I didn't want to scare my family and I didn't trust my friends not to gossip about it. I was able to manage the taper myself, because there was no one to entrust with my pills. I'm sure your husband will be understanding, especially given your pain and surgeries. Ask for his help holding the pills and doling them out if you need to. But have you thought about what you will do for your back pain?

Old 10-02-2009, 10:19 PM   #4
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Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 1,298
Secrets1983 HB User
Re: How to discuss with husband?

Hello and welcome.

Boy, this thread hits so close to home. I struggled and struggled and struggled with this same issue myself for a long time. I knew in my heart how much my husband loved me and would support me but I was so ashamed I had let this happen I just could not bring myself to tell him... It took forever. It took a lot of posts here talking me thru and venting about it before I actually did say something.
For me.... I kind of chickened out a bit, I brought it up very casually... He knew I was on the meds for a medical condition but I knew I no longer needed them for pain and was severely abusing them. So.... when I decided so my taper.. He was well informed I was doing it so he understood the wd and all that. However, even during my taper I did not once tell him I was mentally addicted. All along he just thought my body had grown dependant. So months after my taper was finished and I was in a better frame of mind I brought up addiction one night.. If I recall I believe we were watching an episode of intervention so that kind of broke the ice and I just casually told him something like.... I understood to a degree what that person on the tv show was going thru because the taper and wd was miserable and I actually did suffer from cravings... That is about all the info I gave.. Just enough to get a little out but not go into the hugeness of my addiction. His reaction was very calm and it's hard for me to fully remember now but I think he just said something like he supported me and knew how strong I was and knew I would get thru it and if he needed to talk about it ever he was there. Then I changed the subject. Then....... for months... not a word was said until I fell down our stairs and was injured. I was given pain meds in the er... I handled them very responsibly... however, there were some lingering effects and I had to take pills a couple months later... At that point the addict part of my brain started taking over and I asked him to be in charge of my pills. He did with out hesitation and with no judgement. We didn't talk about it because I was embarrassed and then one day.... I just stopped taking them again because I was enjoying them even though I was not abusing them. I told him to get rid of them and that was that.
I am not sure if any of this was helpful or not. I just thought I would share my experience and maybe something in it would give you the strength to share with your husband. I wish you luck and have faith in the man you married. I bet you he will be more supportive than you think. Easy for me to say though because I was a total chicken and still have never gone into great detail about pill counting... hounding my dr.... occasionally stealing pills from people I knew.... UGH.. The shame....
I am here anytime... The people here saved my life and helped my on my journey and I will do the same for you if you wish. Give us an update if you can.

Old 10-05-2009, 07:25 AM   #5
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Jackson MO USA
Posts: 2
crochetmama HB User
Re: How to discuss with husband?

Thanks to all of you for your words of support. I have already screwed up the entire month already. Taking too much as soon I got the script filled, knowing that by the end of the month I would be scrambling and counting. But reading all of the kind words are so helpful and I WILL be re reading them this entire month and maybe months to come! Thanks again, K

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